# Embody Your Power Podcast - Episode 12 Tips for Navigating Relationships
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[00:00:02] hi I'm Danielle Karen and in this podcast I'm going to share with you knowledge and tools that I believe should be accessible to everyone they're fundamental and essential to Being Human embody your power is an integrative model that Bridges science spirituality and ancient wisdom to give you the resources needed to live your fullest potential as a psychotherapist for over 16 years and now as a coach I help people know reclaim and embody their power on all levels it's my mission to help you connect to your unshakable resilience to know true power and freedom to be Sovereign and to remember your divine nature if you're wanting to learn tools to release layers of conditioning heal from trauma feel at home in your body have inner peace expand your capacity for Joy connect spiritually and take a

[00:01:06] journey with me to embody your power then this podcast is for you thank you for joining me together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve [Music] Humanity how do you respond to people you care about when they're hurt sad vulnerable fearful difficult triggering or even infuriating in this episode I'll share tips on how to navigate relationships from our core self I'll explore how to respond to other people when they're hijacked by the parts of their psyche that are operating from fear and pain we'll look at how you can embody your power by accessing your core self in the presence of others that can knock you off Center you are a unique expression of source as is everyone else what feels best to us when we're connecting with

[00:02:09] others is when we're both embodying our truest essence of ourself when we're accessing our core self we're in the present moment with each other and when we're in the present we can experience play spontaneity laughter Joy connection intimacy peace and ease together the parts of our psyche operating from fear and pain are not active the past and the future are not where our attention is we're not projecting our fear pain or anxiety onto the present moment we're not coming from a place of controlling judging assuming or anticipating anything with the other person would you agree it feels great when someone is present with you when we fall in love we fall in love with the other person's core self it's a meeting between our true self and the others our core self is the most attractive aspect of

[00:03:12] ourselves this is truly where the juice magic and excitement comes from We're present conscious and mindful so what happens when we're not in the present moment embodying our core self which is conscious then we're engaging with other from parts of our psyche that are operating from our subconscious programs our default programs cell biologist Bruce Lipton author of the honeymoon effect emphasizes that we create the honeymoon experience with our conscious mind and then we lose it when our subconscious programs kick in that's when the magic Fades He suggests that we can keep the honeymoon phase going by learning how to stay conscious and work with our sub subconscious programs that are outdated and sabotaging our relationships Dr Bruce Lipton is also the author of the biology of belief and in his book he helps us understand how many of our subconscious beliefs are

[00:04:15] formed when we're young from the ages of 0 to 7 our brain is in a Theta state which is a type of hypnosis which means that we're all being downloaded and programmed by others around us without any discernment about what goes into our subconscious programs and what doesn't we continue to be programmed after that age but we have more agency and discernment as we get older and we access different brain wave states he goes on to explain that by the time we're in our mid-30s we live 95% of our lives from our subconscious programs only 5% of the time are we conscious and in the present moment navigating our lives he also shares that 60% of our subconscious programs are self-sabotaging or limiting which is very significant to consider our subconscious programs are default programs meaning they're automatic and we don't have to think about them this is a really good thing

[00:05:17] for the helpful programs that we have however when it comes to the programs we downloaded that are limiting destructive and self-sabotaging it's a major challenge I see this in my work every day everyone is struggling with the subconscious programs that don't serve them and are creating great hardship in various areas of their lives it's a major cause of suffering think about it let's say you bought a brand new laptop and we're excited to work on some creative projects but when you turn it on it only has software programs from 1980 to 1990 or whatever the first decade of your life was how productive would you be at your creative Endeavors everyone is operating from very old programs unless they're doing the work to access their subconscious and update it Bruce Lipton would say if you want to know what subconscious programs you have take a look around at the major areas of your life the things that are easy for

[00:06:21] you you have subconscious programs to support those things the things that are very challenging and difficult for you you don't have supportive subconscious programs for let's look at some examples of our subconscious programs that we learn in the first decade of our life from an integrative perspective physically we learn motor skills such as walking running riding a bike and fine motor skills like writing the acquisition of language skills happens during the early years once we learn these things we don't have to think about it we can easily do it that's the power of the subconscious mind mind physically we also learn important self-care routines such as personal hygiene eating and sleep routines the importance of physical activity play and exercise can be instilled in children at an early age and become lifelong habits we learn about our physical boundaries at an early age we start to develop a relationship with our physical

[00:07:24] body how we feel about our body and how we care for our body intellectually we're exposed to information about the world through our five senses what we're told by adults from reading books and watching programs and what we learn in memorize in school this information shapes the way we see and interact with the world we develop basic problem solving abilities through play and exploration these skills lay the foundation for critical thinking and decision-making in childhood psychologically we learn values that guide our behavior in our formative years we're shaped by Society with morals and manners and we learn what's acceptable and what's not we learn concepts of what's right and wrong we develop empathy and respect for others we develop a relationship to our fears we learn coping mechanisms that become the protective parts of our

[00:08:26] psyche and ways to feel powerful when we don't know how to access our true power how others treat us and speak to us when we're young forms our beliefs and messages about ourselves people who hold up an accurate mirror to us when we're young help us profoundly to know the truth about ourselves physiologically we learn how to regulate our nervous system our parents and caregivers can teach us how to regulate the intensity we can feel in our body the adults in our lives can help us learn how to regulate in relationship with them which is also known as co-regulation this is when an adult is calm present and regulated and they help their child regulate when they're struggling because the child can feel their parents regulation our attachment Style with our parents also impacts our ability to regulate our nervous system in close relationships emotionally we can learn how to identify be with and regulate our

[00:09:31] emotions whether or not our parents were attuned to our emotions impacts us we can get messages from our family or culture that some emotions are okay While others are not we learn from observing others how to manage our emotions or avoid them if we aren't taught how to be with our emotional pain and not to be afraid of it then psychologically we develop all types of coping mechanisms to avoid our emotions emotional pain and not knowing how to manage it is at the root of our suffering at an early age we start to develop a sense of self self-love self-confidence self-worth self-acceptance self-compassion and self-respect when others show us how to repair emotional ruptures we learn valuable relationship skills to come back into connection relationally the early years are crucial for forming attachments and building trust with our

[00:10:34] parents healthy attachments provide a sense of security and help form healthy relationships throughout our life unhealthy attachment can cause difficulty and forming the relationships we desire as adults we learn how to interact with others share collaborate communicate and build relationships during these formative years we absorb cultural and societ soal Norms including manners etiquette and Customs which are important for adapting to specific social environments through relationships we learn how to make contact and connect with others nutritionally children learn what and how to feed themselves by what's being modeled by those around them they can learn healthy ways to nourish themselves to tune into when they are hungry and full to make good decisions for their health and well-being parents can help children understand the connection between food and mood emotional connections to food can be

[00:11:36] established during childhood children may learn to use food as a source of comfort regulating emotions or as a reward depending on whether food was scarce or abundant can influence our attitudes towards resources Family Meal Time rituals and traditions such as sitting down together for meals expressing gratitude and whether or not it was a relaxing or tense environment can have a lasting impact on our relationship to food and eating spiritually we develop an understanding of ourselves and the world based on what we're exposed to children often absorb the religious or spiritual beliefs of their parents or caregivers these beliefs can become deeply ingrained in their subconscious minds and influence their world viw moral values and understanding of source the Divine or spiritual realm Many religious and spiritual belief systems include concepts of the afterlife exposure to these ideas during

[00:12:41] childhood can contribute to an individual's beliefs about what happens after death and a connection to something bigger than us children can also learn to fear God and death they can develop Concepts on whether there's some authority over their their Spirit or not some children may have early experiences that they interpret as miraculous or mystical which can be fostered or neglected children can be encouraged to listen to their own intuition and Trust themselves these experiences can have a lasting impression and shape a person's beliefs and relationship to their spiritual nature I'm outlining some major areas that influence our subconscious mind to emphasize that all of us are dealing with a set of subconscious programs that got wired in at a young age unfortunately we didn't have a say in which subconscious programs we received When We Were Young and some of

[00:13:43] the programs were helpful and supportive While others were destructive and harmful perhaps this alone can make space for greater compassion for others when we encounter other people's parts such as ones that are lacking boundaries critical aggressive grumpy anxious avoidant superficial fearful people pleasing manipulative controlling or betraying it can trigger Our Own Parts very easily our goal is to stay connected to our core self as much as we can I've talked a lot about the core self and the parts of our psyche in this podcast the parts of our psyche are operating from the subconscious mind while our core self is conscious when we work with the parts and understand why and how they're operating from our conscious mind we're able to change the subconscious mind and

[00:14:48] have greater compassion for ourselves self-compassion is essential to our health and well-being and when we have compassion and understanding for ourselves we can extend it to others in episode six Protectors of our psyche I explored the positive intentions of common parts that many people struggle with when you listen to this episode you may start to have greater compassion for your own Parts through the process of working with our protector and Exile parts we have greater compassion and understanding for ourselves I have to say it's incredible to witness someone completely transform in front of me when they experience compassion for a part of themselves for the first time and this happens very often in my work when we have compassion for our own parts we can have greater compassion for others and their parts we can start to identify our own and others protective parts of the psyche that are trying to

[00:15:50] protect us from some type of emotional pain or vulnerability we can see that others are being hijacked by a young part and have the clarity that they're not engaging from their core conscious self when we understand what's driving our parts to take us over we can find common ground with others it might not be the exact emotional pain that we identified in oursel nevertheless we can have greater understanding for others there's power in seeing that everyone has many different parts of their psyche and to know that most of the time they're being d driv around by these subconscious parts we can stay connected to our core self when we're able to identify our own parts that are getting activated we work to separate from them so that we're not responding from them when we separate from our parts we can speak for our parts rather than from them an example would sound like I have a part of me that's feeling angry with

[00:16:53] you instead of I'm angry at you to access our core self we can ask ourselves who am I in this present moment when I separate from this part or what do I notice when I ask the part for some space we can also try externalizing the part and placing it somewhere outside of ourself maybe in another room another technique is to try to hit pause on all of your parts when you try these prompts notice what qualities are present notice how you feel your body and notice what different perspective you hold when we identify that the other person has been taken over by their part we want to try our best to embody our core self it's not easy it's a practice and we do our best again it's important to have compassion for ourself and know that we will have our own parts that will try to take us over all parts want to feel validated seen and heard for their perspective

[00:17:59] just as a child would want to feel seen and heard by their parent if you want to show up for someone from your core self you can help the other person's part feel seen and heard while knowing that this isn't their core self you might even say I know this is just a part of you not all of you when you're being taken over by a part and you know it's not your true self how would it feel to you if someone you care about said lovingly I know this is just a part of you not all of you when we are operating from our core self we are showing up in the most loving way for ourselves and others we all have parts that get frustrated with other people many times it's because we expect them to be something that they're not in the moment people are an adult body so we expect them to act like an adult and the associations we have with that however it can be helpful to hold a perspective that many people are being driven around by parts of their psyche that are

[00:19:01] actually young Parts as mentioned in previous episodes I like to see the parts of my psyche as young Parts this doesn't have to be the way you relate to your parts as you may find another way that's helpful to you why is it helpful for me to see my parts as a bunch of little Danielle's one because many of them were formed when I was young and just evolved over time when we get to know our parts we can see that they're operating from limited resources understanding and perspective many times they can get stuck at a certain age remember the subconscious programming that happens in the first seven years contributes to the formation of many parts two when I see my parts as young it allows me to access my core self and greater compassion for these parts think about this if you're you're going through something heartbreaking it may be much harder to access your core self and hold a bigger perspective if

[00:20:05] you try to relate to the part at your current age however if you imagine a young part which can be at any age that comes to mind is the one experiencing the Heartbreak then it's often much easier to access your core self and not be overwhelmed by the pain in order to help ourselves and our parts we need to access our core self and learn how to be with the pain in a manageable way then we can be present with our feelings and help them move through us three when I see my parts as young I can work to create healthy internal attachment between my core self and my parts just as a parent does with their child I think this can be harder to do when you see your part as the same age a monster a TV character or an object for example sometimes people can feel that a part is more powerful than them and so in this situation I help them see it as a young part operating from fear or pain and

[00:21:09] they have an easier time accessing their core self and their true power it can be helpful to see that everyone has little kids driving them around we all have a core self and a bunch of young parts hopefully the person's core self is in the driver's seat when we're engaging with them however it's likely at any moment we might be engaging with someone's young part when this happens our parts can easily get triggered and then we're both engaging with each other on the level of subconscious Parts operating from fear and pain when someone is hijacked by a young part see if you can have some compassion and understanding for that person realize they aren't accessing their core self in that moment you're engaging with a young child part even though the person is in an adult body when we've done this type of Parts work with ourselves we know how significant it is for our parts to

[00:22:11] connect to our core self it's the nourishment that they crave also when we do our own work we can see that other people's Parts aren't so different than ours this can help us extend compassion for others when they get hijacked we embody our power when we're accessing our core self which allows us to decide how to handle the situation best once we can see the person clearly we can decide whether to stay engaged or not compassion doesn't mean we're going to suffer and sacrifice ourselves in relationship because the other person is suffering it's important to have compassion for ourself and our own Parts first and foremost put the oxygen mask on yourself first again this helps create secure internal attachment taking care of our parts may require boundaries with others in a situation where someone else's parts are trying to have power over us or hurting us in some way then it's important for the core self to

[00:23:14] assert boundaries with the person verbally this might sound like saying no don't dismiss me that's not okay with me I heard what you said and I know the truth about myself I see that you're angry and I'm not sticking around for you to take it out on me I see that you're struggling right now and I can't help you I'm not available for that I know this isn't about me I'm going to leave now physically it may look like Turning Away hanging up the phone leaving the space getting oursel to safety taking time to ourselves or ending a relationship we want to make sure that we're taking care of ourselves and our parts first because we can create distrust and disharmony within ourselves when we allow our parts to get hurt by others when we take care of ourselves we are more able to show up for others in a supportive

[00:24:16] way here's some advice that comes directly from Richard Schwarz developer of the internal family systems model I was in the car with him one day when I was sharing that I had somewhat who is very difficult to deal with in my life someone who was disregulated projecting their pain onto me in a power struggle and constantly pushing my boundaries I was telling him that I would be holy if I can deal with this person basically not getting stressed by them I'm not sure why I used the word holy but it was a word that came out of my mouth to try to get the point across that I would be taking the high road embodying my core self if the irritating things this person was doing didn't get to me he turned to me and said Danielle you're holy when you're taking care of your parts thank you dick Schwarz I'm grateful to him for that clear and direct reflection as it's always stayed with me he brought me back down to earth when I was trying to spiritually bypass my own internal suffering and

[00:25:19] struggle I saw in that moment that I was overriding my parts and exposing them to constant distress because I had another part taking me over that wanted to prove that I can deal with this person and when this part that wanted to prove something was taking over I wasn't being true to myself I wasn't asserting my boundaries and it was causing harm to some of my parts he was encouraging me to listen to my parts and take care of them not to keep exposing them to pain and suffering another reason why it can be helpful to see our parts as young is is asking oursel if we would expose a child to a similar situation that was causing suffering this helps us expand our perspective on how we're impacting our own parts so I took the time to separate from the protector part access my core self listen to my parts and then take action to protect them and assert the necessary

[00:26:21] boundaries in this case I had a protector part overriding other parts in another situations young Parts can attempt to have other people take care of them what do I mean by that most of us have young parts that didn't get certain emotional needs met When We Were Young these parts can jump in the driver's seat and drive us around in an attempt to get their needs met by someone else this could look like a part that's feeling lonely rejected unlovable unworthy ashamed or insignificant this part can get into the driver SE seat to find someone else to make them feel better if our part does look to another person to get its needs met it can have specific expectations and put a lot of pressure on someone to take care of it when the other person may not even know that one you're not in your core self or two that this part is looking to them to meet their needs and expectations none of us enter into a

[00:27:23] relationship telling the other person that we have a young needy part that we would like them to take care of in romantic relationships young needy Parts aren't sexy we don't want to be in a position of parenting or partner if an exile part gets in the driver's seat it can be a setup for the other person to disappoint our young and vulnerable Parts thus leading to conflict and more emotional pain this can also lead to codependency in relationship because the part isn't getting its needs met by our core cell it's important to know that as children it was wise to look to our parents to get our needs met we needed and depended on them to meet our emotional needs we needed our parents to help us navigate our emotions we needed to feel loved and nurtured we needed to feel seen and heard we needed to feel emotionally safe and protected we needed them to reflect our core selves and the

[00:28:25] truth about ourselves back to us we needed someone to hold up an accurate shiny mirror to our True Divine Nature these are essential needs as they help us access our core self develop a healthy sense of self trust ourselves and know how to create healthy relationships as adults it was wise to look to others to get our emotional needs met When We Were Young however at some point in our young adult years we need to realize that our parents didn't meet those needs we may need to grieve and feel the pain of not getting certain emotional needs met by them then we need to turn toward ourselves and realize our core self is now the one to take care of these young Parts the reality is that no one can heal these parts for us when we take care of our parts we create secure internal attachment with ourselves meaning our parts can trust and relax into the core self instead of feeling needy panicky and vulnerable because

[00:29:30] they're dependent on someone else who's unpredictable and may not always be there it doesn't mean that we don't need others or we don't need their love affection attention and care we do it's important that we have other people in our lives that are emotionally attuned and nurturing we just don't want to burden them with a part that's looking to them to feel better when we're the only one who can help and heal that part of ours I believe one of the most loving ways we can show up for the people we care about in our lives is to stay connected to our core self and not lose track of the other's core self meaning when someone we care about is struggling in some way and hijacked by their young parts then the most loving thing we can do for them is to see their core self even when they can't see it or feel it know that their core self is truly who they are and have comp passion for them being taken over by a part of their psyche that is either fearful or in

[00:30:33] pain how would you feel when you're struggling to be in the presence of someone who sees your true Essence and doesn't forget your True Divine Nature at the end of this episode I would like to offer some action steps for navigating relationships from our core self listen to episodes 5 6 7 and 10 to learn how to work with your own parts so that you can stay connected to your core self and have greater Clarity and understanding for others avoid frustration by seeing the situation clearly when others have been hijacked by their young Parts even though someone is in an adult body they may be driven around by a young part practice bringing curiosity and compassion to others the way you would your own Parts when someone you care about is hijacked by their parts it's loving and supportive to see and reflect their core self even though they aren't accessing it at that time this is a practice it's

[00:31:37] not easy and we're human so we're not always going to be able to access our core self and we're going to have our own Parts popping up and needing our attention it's important that we always have compassion for ourselves first thanks for listening to this podcast if you found this episode helpful please consider assisting me in reaching more people by sharing it with others or writing a review together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve Humanity for more information please visit my website Daniel karen.com that's d i e l l e c a r r o N.C [Music] come
