# Embody Your Power Podcast - Episode 11 Raising Resilient Children
# https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wb1GuqULPo  uploaded 20231010  1320s  views 24

[00:00:02] hi I'm Danielle Karen and in this podcast I'm going to share with you knowledge and tools that I believe should be accessible to everyone they're fundamental and essential to Being Human embody your power is an integrative model that Bridges science spirituality and ancient wisdom to give you the resources needed to live your fullest potential as a psychotherapist for over 16 years and now as a coach I help people know reclaim and embody their power on all levels it's my mission to help you connect to your unshakable resilience to know true power and freedom to be Sovereign and to remember your divine nature if you're wanting to learn tools to release layers of conditioning heal from trauma feel at home in your body have inner peace expand your capacity for Joy connect spiritually and take a

[00:01:06] journey with me to embody your power then this podcast is for you thank you for joining me together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve [Music] Humanity would you like your child to feel resilient in the fa face of life's challenges have you been taught how to access your own unshakable resilience a resilience that is a true power not pulling yourself up by your bootstraps bouncing back from adversity or surviving traumatic events which are all about surviving something hard not about truly facing integrating and thriving in the face of challenges the resilience that I help people access is a fearlessness inside of them it's our ability to be openhearted and present with any type of emotional pain fear or vulnerability it's not about fixing it

[00:02:08] or making it go away true resilience doesn't need to push through control judge or avoid anything and in this episode I'm going to reveal the number one way to help children access their own inate resilience this is such a passion of mine it's my mission to help our next Generations have the knowledge skills nourishment and resources to live their fullest potential providing this kind of support to children at a young age is essential to helping Humanity evolve if you're a parent a caregiver a nurse a teacher or anyone who works with children let's look at how we can help them know their inque resilience and if you don't have children you're going to benefit from this episode as well because I use the same process I'm going to outline here to help my adult client cents access their resilience and show up for the various parts of their psyche so they aren't driven around by emotional pain and fear in order to help children access their resilience we need to know

[00:03:11] how to access our own resilience from coaching and counseling people for over 16 years I believe the root cause of suffering is emotional pain examples include feeling abandoned rejected unlovable alone wrong unworthy hopeless ashamed or insignificant and because most people aren't taught how to be with their emotional pain they develop parts of their psyche that try to fiercely avoid it examples of these parts show up as anxiety depression anger avoidance distraction perfectionism bullying narcissism people pleasing insomnia obsessive compulsive disorders eating disorders and addictions you have the power to help children reduce their chances of suffering from these conditions and

[00:04:14] increase their access to their own resilience although it's simple it's not easy and it takes some work on your part okay so let's jump in and look at the number one way to help your child connect to their inate resilience imagine for a moment a child comes to you for help because they're suffering they're crying they're obviously in some type of pain can you imagine the scenario okay I want you to pause for a moment and check in with yourself what are you feeling in your body when a child you care about comes to you in pain are you having any feelings that are uncomfortable do you have any impulses to stop or avoid any of your own discomfort how are you feeling toward the child do you have any impulses to stop your child from feeling their emotions I believe that seeing somebody

[00:05:19] that we love and care about suffer is probably one of the most painful things that we can experience especially if we feel helpless in the face of our loved one suffering therefore I want to normalize that naturally it's going to bring up feelings for all of us and I want to teach you how to work with these feelings so that you can best show up for the children in your life but first let's look at some common feelings and protective parts of our psyche that we can experience in this type of situation does anyone listening have a fix it part most people can relate to this part and especially most men it often comes from a positive intention to help or protect someone when a child is suffering this part wants to try to fix the problem and make it go away or stop it this part wants to make sure that our loved ones don't suffer and that we don't have to feel our own pain either win-win right unfortunately this avoidance of the pain is the opposite of accessing

[00:06:23] resilience does anyone have a minimizing part this part may try to minimize the child's pain and situation they're in this may sound like oh that's no big deal that wasn't that bad that's not scary you're making a big deal of this you're a big kid you can handle it just get over it why are you crying that didn't hurt it's just a beting it's just a shot it's just a scrape it's just a bump I'm just leaving for a day be mindful of using the word just so you're not minimizing your child's experience perhaps this part thinks that if I minimize the pain then the child's reaction to the pain will be less when we minimize our child's experience we're trying to avoid the pain without empathizing and putting ourselves in the child's shoes as an adult it might not be a big deal to you so it's important to empathize and understand how the child is experiencing

[00:07:25] the situation by putting yourself in their shoes how about anyone with an avoidance part avoidance Parts try to ignore and avoid difficult things in this case a child when they're in pain this part May believe if I just avoid them they're going to get over it and it's going to go away I don't need to get involved this might look like putting off giving the child your attention avoidance parts are wanting to protect you from your own feelings see if you can pause and ask ask yourself what comes up for you when you see a child that you care about suffer a distracting part tries to get the child's attention off the pain and onto something else for example distracting them with a phone game video music food candy or getting them to focus their attention on something else this part most often is coming from a positive intention to help and this part does have its place for helping a child

[00:08:27] manage their pain in certain situations if you're distracting a child to help them regulate and titrate the intensity of the emotional pain so that they can feel a little and then shift their attention and then they can feel a little more while you're coming from a place of not being afraid of their pain this can be helpful however you want to be mindful and notice if you're doing this because you're afraid of your child's pain or your own because this can send the wrong message and prevent a child from accessing their resilience some of us have a judging or criticizing part that will judge the child for being in pain this part is often attempting to protect the adult from having to feel any empathy or pain because it's easy to turn off our emotions if we blame the child for their suffering for example we might say I told you you shouldn't have been playing on that and that's why you got hurt this is what you get when you don't listen you you didn't perform well

[00:09:30] because you were lazy and you didn't practice your friend is mean to you because you don't speak up for yourself I don't believe what you're telling me stop crying it's your fault that you're hurting a shaming part May shame the child when they's suffering by saying things like you're a big kid you shouldn't be crying about this your sister didn't cry when this happened to her you deserve to be bullied when you do that you're the only one who has a problem with this I've never seen anyone cry over that you're the only one who does that everyone else can handle that when you tell a child or anyone for that matter that they're the only one who does or feels something in a negative context you're shaming them this part is not only trying to protect the adult from their own feelings it's aggressively attacking the child angry or violent Parts can also attack the child when they're suffering this could look like yelling screaming hitting spanking scaring terrorizing

[00:10:37] hurting or abusing them there can be many reasons for this type of part sometimes angry and violent Parts have a negative association with vulnerability and so when they see a child being vulnerable because they're suffering this part can have a tremendous amount of aggression unfortunately I've heard many stories from clients whose parents hurt or Abus them in times when they needed love and support if you know you have a part like this it's important to work with this part so that it doesn't take you over and cause harm as you can see there's all sorts of ways that we can respond to a child who's experiencing some kind of pain or suffering what's important to know about the ways we can respond that I listed above is that they all give the child a message that we're afraid of their pain so now take a moment to put yourself in the kids shoes they're coming to you they're vulnerable they're in some type of emotional pain they don't know what to

[00:11:41] do how do you think it would feel if they get the message from their parent or trusted adult I'm afraid of your pain now adults aren't usually coming out and saying that so it's not an overt message it's a covert implied message that the adult sends to the child when they're responding to the child in the ways listed above the child can pick up that the adult is afraid of their pain how do you think this will impact the child I would imagine that the child's going to feel a lot more anxious panicked and more fearful if they think oh my goodness I'm in pain I'm going to an adult to help me and they're afraid of my pain this can cause a child to easily think I should be afraid of it too so now the child develops defenses to protect themselves from their emotional pain because the adults around them weren't able to show them another way to be with it as I've mentioned in other episodes these coping mechanisms and defenses are called protector parts

[00:12:44] of our psyche and when they are present we aren't able to access our core self and our innate resilience so the impact is that the child will move further away from accessing their resilience there are probably many more responses that I didn't name but if you think of others just ask yourself is this going to give the child a message that I'm afraid of their pain this can also be applied to anyone in your life not just children to show up in a supportive way and help the other access their resilience now let's look at what you can do to help children access their inate resilience again imagine a child comes to you when they're suffering and crying and in pain and instead of the above responses you're able to access your core self your resilience within you and you're able to show up in a way that isn't afraid to be with the child's emotional pain and their fear you're not afraid of their

[00:13:47] feelings this might be surprising and hopefully it's relieving to hear this you don't need to know what to do because you're not trying to fix anything you're present and openhearted meaning you're connected to your heart and showing up in a way that's caring with this child next you can invite the child to share the pain with you you might say to the child tell me how bad it is I'm here with you you're not alone we can feel it together through your verbal and non-verbal communication you're letting the child know that you're not afraid of their pain see if you can put yourself in the child's shoes now how do you think it would feel to be around an adult who isn't afraid of your pain maybe you wouldn't need to be afraid of your pain either this is huge if you can help a child not fear their emotional pain this can truly change the course of someone's life as a therapist and coach for over

[00:14:49] 16 years this is at the root of all of my work this is the gold I'm going for I'm helping people learn how to be with their feelings without being afraid of them by doing this someone can truly heal and live from their core self as a result people are reclaiming and embodying their power it's my passion to help people access their resilience to be with their worst pain and their greatest fear if you can help your child feel that it's okay to be with their feelings and emotions you've helped them profoundly I really want to emphasize how incredibly significant this is most people live their lives trying to avoid their emotional pain and as a result they suffer and develop destructive coping mechanisms so when you're helping your child be with their feelings and when they can be present with the feelings and Sensations in their body their time limited meaning they won't last forever we can feel them and they'll move through us when our awareness is connected to our body feelings

[00:15:53] Sensations and emotions move through us especially in the presence of someone caring and supportive however when we disconnect our awareness from our body those feelings stop and get stuck and cause all types of symptoms when you can help a child be with their feelings and the feelings move through them they can feel what it's like to be on the other side of the pain you've just taught them how to be with their emotional pain and not be afraid of it now they're more equipped for the next challenge in life I believe this to be the number one way to help a child access their own resilience their own ability to be with their pain and emotions if you put yourself in the child's shoes how would this feel for you to have an adult who's loving and supportive and isn't afraid of your pain let me ask you how would your life be different if you learned at an early age to not be afraid of your feelings and emotions in order to help the children in your life access their resilience you

[00:16:55] need to be able to access your core self which is nely resilient you being in your core self helps your child access theirs what gets in the way of you accessing your core self the protector and Exile parts of our psyche which I covered in episodes five and six the important message here is to work with our own parts that are afraid of emotional pain so that we can be present with our children from our core self and model for them that it's okay to be with their emotional pain that they don't need to be afraid of it if you need help working with your parts feel free to reach out I love working with parents we all have an inate intelligence to move things through to completion as I explored in episode three wired for survival and completion experiences and feelings can often get stuck if we disconnect our awareness from our body you can help your child bring their awareness to what they're feeling to help these feelings

[00:17:57] move through to completion this helps them feel a sense of resolution with the event and they're able to move forward with greater confidence when you're with a child or anyone who's in pain you can also try saying this Mantra internally to yourself I can be with your pain you don't have to say it externally although you can if you feel like it would be helpful if you want to try saying it internally see if it shifts your energy and the way you show up for your child it has the power to shift your presence and as we know our energy can have a greater impact on children than our words when you're with a child who's crying and not able to be soothed try repeating this over and over in your head while being present with them and see how it goes for those listening who don't have children the same concept of not being afraid of a child's emotional pain applies to your core self not being afraid of the emotional pain of the

[00:19:00] parts of your psyche especially the exiled Parts who carry most of the emotional pain this is a great analogy to keep in mind on how you want to show up for your parts be aware that we all have protector parts of our psyche that will try to avoid the pain at all costs so these parts may also try to fix things distract us avoid feelings criticize us or we might experience being angry or aggressive toward ourself we need to work with our protector parts to get them to step back and trust us to be with the emotional pain of the exiled Parts your core self is fearless in the face of your parts fears and pain if you can't feel that resilience it probably means that you have a part taking you over being able to be with our emotional pain is truly at the root of our health and healing it's my passion to help people connect to this unsh shakable resilience within them a resilience that is fearless and can be present with our

[00:20:03] emotional pain fear and vulnerability a resilience that is already wired in it doesn't need to be built up or made stronger it's more a matter of how much access we have to it and when people are embodying their unshakable resilience they help others around them access theirs you can help your child access their resilience by embodying your resilience I believe this information has the ability to help many people please help me in reaching more people by sharing it with others or writing a review at the end of this episode I offer a few action steps to take I encourage you to work on noticing what parts come up for you when a child you love and care about is suffering with emotional pain when working with your own pain notice what protector Parts come up get to know these parts through the steps I out outlined in episodes 5 and six work to have these parts give you space and trust your core resilient self to be in the driver's seat and be with

[00:21:06] the pain bring your unshakable resilience to the children in your life and practice the Mantra I can be with your pain thanks for listening to this podcast if you found this episode helpful please consider assist me in reaching more people by sharing it with others or writing a review together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve Humanity for more information please visit my website danielc caron.com that's d n i e l l e c a r r o [Music] n.com
