# Embody Your Power Podcast - Episode 7 Internal War vs Internal Peace
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[00:00:02] hi I'm Danielle Karen and in this podcast I'm going to share with you knowledge and tools that I believe should be accessible to everyone they're fundamental and essential to Being Human embody your power is an integrative model that Bridges science spirituality and ancient wisdom to give you the resources needed to live your fullest potential as a psychotherapist for over 16 years and now as a coach I help people know reclaim and embody their power on all levels it's my mission to help you connect to your unshakable resilience to know true power and freedom to be Sovereign and to remember your divine nature if you're wanting to learn tools to release layers of conditioning heal from trauma feel at home in your body have inner peace expand your capacity for Joy connect spiritually and take a

[00:01:06] journey with me to embody your power then this podcast is for you thank you for joining me together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve [Music] Humanity in this episode I'll help you have greater clarity and understanding for the protector parts of your psyche which can transform an internal War into internal peace an internal War can sound like I hate that I'm anxious I wish I didn't get so angry I want my depression to go away my perfectionism gets in the way of moving forward I need to fight my addiction we go to war with ourselves in our mind and many times we don't even know it or maybe we think it's normal or perhaps we think it's the only way to go about motivating ourselves or making change when you go to war with yourself you strengthen the protector parts of

[00:02:09] your psyche that you don't like or that are causing you problems in your life when the protector parts are more present and active you have less access to your core self this can cause all sorts of challenges including stress tension mental health issues barriers to connection and intimacy feel feeling disconnected from yourself your body others and Source let's say you were sitting in the car and you just heard on the radio that you have to evacuate the area due to a strong storm now how would you feel if a young child who doesn't know how to drive jumped into the driver's seat and started driving you around to get out of Harm's Way better yet how would you feel if you didn't know how to get the kid out of the driver's seat that's one way to describe how it it feels when our protector parts are taking over protector parts are like children trying their best to protect you but they don't really have the skills or perspective on how best to do it it's easy to get angry at them and wage a war against them how

[00:03:15] would you feel if you could have greater Clarity and compassion for your most challenging Parts such as your anxious part your inner critic or your depressed part you are wise and intelligent you're a unique expression of the Divine God Source let's step out of the realm of pathology and labeling people as abnormal broken diseased or disordered when you take the time to get to know the protective parts of your psyche you will see their desired to protect you in this podcast I've been talking a lot about parts and in the last two episodes we talked about how to map the psyche which is made up of many parts in episode 5 and how to work with the protector Parts in episode episode 6 I introduced you to asking the protector Parts this question from your core self what's your intention to help me or protect me when you connect with your parts from your core resilient self which is open Curious and compassionate you'll start to see that all your protector Parts

[00:04:18] have a positive intention to help you or protect you now that's different than how they go about it so it's important that you make that distinction protectors are trying to do their best and you use what they know to try to help you and often the way they go about trying to help or protect actually isn't helpful and can be destructive once you start to understand the intentions behind your protector Parts you can have greater self-compassion and inner peace let's look at a few examples remember these are just examples when you interview one of your protector Parts you may find many different intentions to help or protect you you may even be surprised at what you find out it's important that you stay open to what the part is trying to communicate to you about its function versus immediately answering From Another Part guessing or assuming what the part's role is you want to make sure you feel connection with the part from your core self and then pause and wait for it to answer now let's explore some examples

[00:05:21] of the intention behind your protector parts let's say you have a depressed part one way this part might be trying to help or protect you is that it could be putting on the brakes meaning it's not allowing you to have energy and enthusiasm to do things why it might be afraid that if you did have the energy to do things and you even got excited you might fail and make a fool out of yourself and if we kept asking this part what it's afraid you would experience if you failed for example then this part might say it's afraid you would feel shame and be rejected by others shame and rejection is the emotional pain that the Exile would be carrying so you can see the depressed part's positive intention is to protect you from feeling shame and rejection can you start to have more compassion for it now a depressed part might also be putting on the brakes because it doesn't feel that you're worthy of good things in life there can be many reasons the depressed part is

[00:06:23] active so as you start to get to know your parts be open to what you learn you can always ask the depressed part by saying so are you making me depressed in order to protect me from feeling shame is that right does anyone listening have a perfectionist part the perfectionist part could be trying to help or protect you by wanting to make sure that you're seen in a favorable way and prevent you from making any mistakes you can then follow up and ask it what it's afraid would happen if you made a mistake it may also be trying to protect you by working hard to receive only good attention from others to be liked by others to feel good about oneself or to prevent you from relaxing and accepting things as they are why well if it's trying to get others to like you or receive positive attention from others it may be trying to protect you from a part that feels inadequate it may not want you to feel the pain or vulnerability of being an imperfect human if it didn't do its role

[00:07:26] of trying to be perfect it might be afraid that you would feel embarrassed less than average rejected or ashamed for example many people struggle with anxious parts and one way this part might be trying to help or protect you is by trying to anticipate or predict the future why because if it could make sure you're prepared for anything that comes your way you wouldn't be caught off guard feel vulnerable or get hurt you can ask it what's it afraid would happen happen if you were caught off guard it might say well you would get hurt I encourage you to keep asking what it means when it says you could get hurt maybe it's afraid you would feel naive vulnerable scared or betrayed an anxious part may try to make sure that you're on guard and well aware of the worst case scenarios so that you don't feel the pain of something unknown happening can you see the positive intention of the anxious part in this

[00:08:28] example it doesn't want you to be relaxing and then get caught off guard and hurt in some way can you also see the way that it's going about trying to protect you isn't helpful by trying to predict the future and rehearse every worst case scenario this could make someone's life miserable always being prepared for something bad to happen is very stressful the part May prevent you from relaxing at all our protector Parts aren't always the most logical they they're trying to prevent pain and in the process they can actually be creating more pain however in order to get this part to relax it needs to be acknowledged for its positive intention and then it needs to know that you your core self can handle the pain it's trying to protect you from next let's look at the infamous inner critic part that most people can relate to one way this part might be trying to help or protect you is that it could be criticizing you before others can criticize you this way it's not so painful when someone else does it you

[00:09:32] can tell yourself I know I'm horrible at this job so it won't hurt when my boss gives me feedback or I go in for my review or you can say to yourself I know I'm Unworthy of good things so it won't feel so bad when I don't experience them the inner critic can also sound like are you really going to eat that you know you're gaining weight and you should be working out more why does this part do this one example it doesn't want you to to feel the emotional pain of being criticized by someone else and another example is it doesn't want you to experience disappointment in fact there are many parts that protect against feeling disappointment and would rather you not take any risks and live a very limited or dull life so that they don't have to be in touch with this pain the inner critic part can also be attempting to guard you against feeling like you're not enough unworthy stupid or affected it's common that the inner critic feels that it needs to criticize

[00:10:34] you in order to motivate you for example if I want her to lose weight I'm going to tell her that she's fat or unattractive if I want him to go to the gym I'm going to tell him he's weak and undisciplined when you step back and think about it it's sad that we have parts that think the only way to motivate us is by judging and criticizing ourselves how would you feel if a little kid came up to you and said the way I got really good at soccer was by telling myself I'm the worst and I'll never succeed so we would want to ask this part what are you afraid would happen if you didn't criticize me maybe the part would say that you would be lazy and never get anything accomplished then you can continue to ask what are you afraid I would feel or experience if I didn't get things accomplished the part might say I'm afraid you'd feel like a failure and no one would like you or want to be around you so now you're identifying the pain that this part is trying to protect you from and if you can show it that you can

[00:11:36] be with that pain you'll make more progress than trying to fix it or make it go away remember how Parts have a limited Tunnel Vision on things and that your core self has a much bigger perspective on things often these parts need to hear the bigger perspective from the core self for example it's not true that if you stopped criticizing me that I would be lazy and do nothing we're on the same page about not being lazy however there's another way to go about it are you open to that often parts are open to finding another way as long as it's accomplishing the same goal which is to keep you from being overwhelmed by emotional pain let's look at another part an intellectualizing part this part can keep you in your head and on the mental plane this part might be trying to help or protect you by keeping you in your head instead of feeling anything in your body being present with an experience or connecting with others socially why well you might

[00:12:39] find that this part feels that it's too vulnerable to be in their body or be present with another person maybe it's afraid that if it didn't keep you in your head and keep conversations on the intellectual level then you might experience or feel vulnerable not enough overwhelmed or embarrassed some people may have experienced a dissociation part this is a way we can cope with stress or trauma by disconnecting from our s or our body one way this part might be trying to help or protect you is that it could be wanting to block all awareness from a particular event or feeling dissociation as we explored in episode three wired for survival and completion is an attempt to numb you as much as it can to the pain you're about to endure often in a traumatic or life-threatening situation when this happens we can lose access to certain memories as it can block them out of our awareness why it might be afraid that if it didn't do this you would be flooded

[00:13:41] and overwhelmed with some type of pain or vulnerability does anyone listening have a people pleasing part one way this part could be trying to help or protect you is by wanting to make sure you don't lose a connection with someone it might be willing to sacrifice you you in ways so that you don't feel all alone meaning I'm going to please the other person so I'm not going to share some aspects about myself that they might not agree with so we can end up sacrificing Our Truth to please others people pleasing parts are really good at reading people in situations to try to respond in a way that it thinks others will find favorable in the process we can lose touch with ourselves why does it do this well this part might be terrified of feeling alone judged or ashamed for who they really are maybe there's an exile that's carrying around the burden of I'm not good enough or people would reject me if they really knew

[00:14:43] me a narcissistic part might be trying to help or protect you by attempting to help you feel powerful and in control by trying to feel Superior and make others feel less than blame others avoid taking responsibility and and to use language to keep others feeling inferior why because it could feel too vulnerable not to do this if you interview this part you might find that it's trying to protect you from feeling shame worthless insignificant guilt unlovable or deficient for example in episode one reclaim your power I explored what can happen when people are not in touch with their true power they can either try to have power over others or give their power away there are some parts that can be extremely strong and fierce that it's hard to get them to budge the narcissistic part often builds up layers of protection that it can be difficult to access the core self many people who know others with narcissistic

[00:15:47] Parts don't actually interact with their core self very often maybe they will see glimmers of it here and there the narcissistic part often defends itself by saying things like it's your problem not mine so this part would feel no reason to self-reflect an avoidant part could be trying to help or protect you by trying to avoid any negative emotion or emotional pain this part may try to avoid hard conversations taking responsibility or confronting things in their life it can also resort to substances or habits that would assist them in avoiding feeling any negative feelings why it could be trying to protect from feeling any uncomfortable or painful emotion such as guilt shame helpless rejected or alone for example it could also be trying to avoid any negative emotion because it doesn't know that you can be with your emotions which means it doesn't know about your core self guilt is a part that can be trying

[00:16:50] to cover up pain if the part can make you feel guilty about something in the past rather than feeling the emotional pain that may be associ assciated with what happened and from forgiving yourself why well let's look at an example let's say someone feels guilty for betraying or disappointing someone they care about the guilt may be trying to protect someone from feeling the pain of their actions and how they hurt this person instead of facing something hard and finding real repair and resolution a part can step in and make them feel guilty and people can live with guilt for many years or decades you might ask this part what are you afraid would happen if you didn't make me feel guilty or I forgave myself next let's look at two parts that can have dire consequences as they can lead to death I'd like to shine a light on how the addict and suicidal part have an intention to help or protect these are parts that many types of therapies will go to war with and often elicit

[00:17:52] more protectors to try to contain them an addict part could be trying to help or protect you by using substances or addictive behaviors such as sex shopping gaming or eating to disconnect from the body so that you don't have to feel physical mental emotional or even spiritual pain it's very common to uncover that adct Parts developed in response to trauma as mentioned in episode four feel at home in your body trauma can control in our body when we don't know how to regulate our body using our own awareness then we can resort to using external things such as substances or behaviors to try to regulate our internal state it can be attempting to find an internal homeostasis or it can be trying to numb you completely an atct part can also be trying to protect you by helping you escape something in your life in episode

[00:18:55] three wired for survival and completion I covered that we have impulses to move our thwarted fight andlight responses through to completion addiction can be trying to complete a flight response in an unconscious Way by attempting to escape with substances and therefore will never help someone feel a sense of completion with the past addict Parts can be trying to protect someone from all types of pain when you interview the part you will find out exactly what it's trying to prevent you from feeling and again once you can show this part that you can be with this pain you reclaim and embody your power a suicidal part could be trying to help or protect you by trying to take you out of this life because from its perspective there's pain that feels unbearable instead of going into a stance of fighting and trying to control this part which is a common Intervention when you connect with it from your core

[00:19:57] self and you're open and curious you'll learn more about what it's attempting to do and why remember all parts have a tunnel vision and the core self has a much bigger perspective the suicidal part may be feeling like it's better to exit this body and this life rather than feel or acknowledge the pain that exists inside of you it might not know that you can handle the pain and if there's a pain that is associated with feeling powerless helpless or hopeless a suicidal part can feel that by contemplating planning or taking action on ending one's life it reclaims a sense of power so it's important to be open to dialoguing with this part instead of Waging War against it so that you can identify what pain it's trying to protect you from then you can work on showing that part that you can be with that pain this can get that part to relax like other protectors when it knows that you can be with the

[00:21:00] pain it seems as though protector parts are often making a decision between two things that aren't ideal and somehow weighing which pain would be worse from its perspective for example the anxious part can severely impact someone's life by making them anxious all the time yet it feels that letting them relax with the risk of getting caught off guard is worse protectors are often operating under an illusion that it can keep someone safe and prevent them from experiencing pain as much as you try to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario in life you can't protect yourself from being impacted by something painful what the anxious part can do is keep you from being happy so that you don't have as far to fall when something bad happens that hurts if we live like this then we're living from Fear rather than our innate resilience we want to get to to know the parts help them feel seen and heard and then help them know and trust that your

[00:22:03] core self can drive the car and handle what may come in this process we end the internal war and have greater internal peace and Harmony by working in this way we teach ourselves and others that we don't need to resort to going to war with ourselves to be more true to ourselves or to make change true power can be present with our imp Perfection and vulnerability and have compassion and understanding for our parts we embody our power when we're not afraid to be present and openhearted with any of our parts fears or pain at the end of this episode I offer some things to reflect upon start to notice whether the voice in your head is coming from your core self or a protector part notice when you're going to war with yourself and you have protector parts that are in conflict with each other unhook from the internal tug of war and step back to access your core

[00:23:07] self see if you can understand your protector part's intention to help or protect you and when you communicate that understanding to the part see how it responds as you do this check in to see if you're experiencing greater compassion for yourself and more internal peace [Music] thanks for listening to this podcast if you found this episode helpful please consider assisting me in reaching more people by sharing it with others or writing a review together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve Humanity for more information please visit my website danielc caron.com that's d n i e l l e c a r r o [Music] n.com
