# Embody Your Power Podcast Episode 3 - Wired for Survival and Completion
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[00:00:02] hi I'm Danielle Karen and in this podcast I'm going to share with you knowledge and tools that I believe should be accessible to everyone their fundamental and essential to Being Human embody your power is an integrative model that Bridges science spirituality and ancient wisdom to give you the resources needed to live your fullest potential as a psychotherapist for over 16 years and now as a coach I help people know reclaim and embody their power on all levels it's my mission to help you connect to your unshakable resilience to know true power and freedom to be Sovereign and to remember your divine nature if you're wanting to learn tools to release layers of conditioning heal from trauma feel at home in your body have inner peace expand your capacity for Joy connect spiritually and take a journey

[00:01:07] with me to embody your power then this podcast is for you thank you for joining me together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve Humanity [Music] in this episode I will explore how to support your innate impulses to heal from trauma have you ever had a threat to your life body or well-being for example any type of abuse attack or assault a car accident a fall or an invasive medical procedure have you ever had an experience where you wanted to fight back or run away but you weren't able to if so I think you'll find this information very helpful in the face of any real or perceived threat to our body and well-being we have instinctual drives that help us survive any type of threat to ourselves

[00:02:10] or others can be a traumatizing experience trauma can be defined as anything that overwhelms our capacity to integrate and a simple definition is too much too fast in these situations our body Mind and Spirit react quickly doing the best they can to survive however this reaction to trauma can leave parts of us feeling disconnected abandoned conflicted and continuing to relive the traumatic event this is a source of tremendous suffering for many people after trauma we can feel like what once felt whole is now scattered into fragments fortunately there is a drive toward completion that ripples through these disconnected Parts in an attempt to regain wholeness and resolution with the past however without greater understanding of these innate drives and often the guidance of a skilled trauma specialist

[00:03:13] the drive toward completion misses many opportunities to move forward to resolution I'm going to reveal how we're wired for survival and completion and how these innate drives present themselves in the face of threats to our well-being and how they're utilized to heal from trauma for example let's say I'm walking down the street and I notice someone's coming toward me if this person starts to come toward me quicker or with more intent I'm going to register that this could be dangerous my brain is going to react fast to try to protect me there's a fundamental drive to survive that runs deep within us in the face of any real or perceived threat the sineate drive takes over and makes quick decisions to protect us there's no discussion there's no hesitation something in US takes action to protect our physical mental emotional and spiritual well-being let's explore how we're wired for

[00:04:17] survival physiologically we only have a few options when confronted with a threat occasionally we can communicate and negotiate with the threat to defuse it but more commonly that's not an option and we have impulses to fight fly or freeze in the example of someone coming toward me on the street I'm most likely going to have an Impulse to run away first but let's say I'm running away and at some point I notice I'm not going to be fast enough then I may prepare to fight and if at any point I realize I'm not strong enough I may try to plea with this person to stop and if all those don't work my body is going to resort to freezing by freezing we also dissociate which means our brain attempts to numb us as much as it can to the pain we're about to endure by releasing certain chemicals in addition the freeze response attempts

[00:05:20] to decrease the overwhelming intensity of pain injury and even death however freezing is generally Our Last Resort when it comes to survival it appears that our first impulse is not only to survive but to use our power to stop or defeat the threat and thrive when we're able to stop the threat we feel strong confident and Powerful at protecting ourselves and have an easier time navigating future threats unfortunately in many cases the threat is bigger faster or comes without warning for example when children are being threatened by parents or adults then the threat is bigger and faster than them threats that can come without warning could be getting hit by something when you didn't see it coming a car accident something dangerous happening when you're sleeping an affair or betrayal you didn't see coming in these situations it's common for our brain to decide freezing is the best

[00:06:24] survival option freezing stops the original impulse to fight or flight from completing as a result our bodies can get stuck in a pattern of freezing or trying to complete a fight or flight impulse without ever feeling a sense of resolution the original impulses to survive and defeat the threat continue to live in the body waiting to experience completion fortunately it's never too late to heal from trauma now the drive for completion arises out of our wiring to feel powerful and that we can protect ourselves you can see this in children in play therapy when something traumatic has happened they're trying to find a new and successful outcome through their play for example let's say a child choked on something and had to be rushed to the hospital sometime after that event they may pretend like they're choking on their food and then spit it out to gain a sense of Mastery over something that felt so scary

[00:07:27] compartmentalizing and experience is an attempt to take part or all of a particular experience into various degrees protect us from being exposed to the cognitive emotional somatic or Sensational memory because it was too painful and overwhelming this may help us survive however it's not ideal to have to compartmentalize our experiences it takes a lot of energy to do so and maintain there's a drive toward completion that lives in these compartmentalized parts of ourselves and will move toward being connected and integrated again when it's safe to do so we are wired for completion when we're not able to stop or defeat the threat we do the best we can to survive physical sexual emotional verbal psychological or any relational type of trauma however once we survive a threat to our well-being there's still a drive to complete what is needed in order to feel

[00:08:29] a sense of resolution this is not limited to life-threatening experiences or traumas the brain and body also respond positively to completing other experiences that weren't are necessary for our growth development and health it could be something in the past that actually happened that we weren't able to complete or something that was missing altogether for example let's say a boy got the message that his father would be angry if he outperformed his father in sports or business this boy would benefit from knowing what it would have felt like to have someone support him in succeeding in life in another example some people may have not experienced love protection validation empathy or safety in their families these experiences are extremely important and the body needs to know what these experiences feel like in order to thrive it's not enough to just talk about what was missing or how it would have been to receive it the body literally needs to feel it when the brain and body are

[00:09:33] connected and experience a completion then we create a new experience for ourselves in doing so we can't change the past but we can create a new relationship to the Past let's take a look at the importance of your body feeling a new experience imagine yourself at a restaurant with a friend pretend for a moment that all the items on your menu are all of your life experiences from day one until now your friend's life is different than yours so they have different items on their menu let's say that your friend tells you that they're going to order an apple pie you look at your menu and you don't see that listed you don't even see apples on your menu so you ask your friend what is apple pie they describe to you what apples are and how they're prepared and baked to make an apple pie however if you've never eaten an apple in your life it might be hard to imagine what your friend is talking about

[00:10:34] the best you can get is some conceptual idea of what apple pie is you won't know the smell taste texture or the details of what it looks like it isn't until you get the experience of eating apple pie that you can really know what it is your body must experience this for you to have it on your menu and items need to be on your menu in order for you to be able to order them it's also important to experience what apple pie tastes like in order to know the difference between apple pie and other kinds of pies when you take this analogy into the real world and you want someone who's attuned to you meaning people who are paying attention and sensitive to what you're experiencing and needing on the menu for example because let's say growing up you're being told what to do and people were projecting their needs onto you then it's important for you to know what this feels like in this analogy you can see that if you don't update your menu or have new experiences you'll continue to order the same things off the menu

[00:11:38] in life this could look like getting into the same kind of relationship that doesn't work for you using substances or food to numb emotions giving your power away or trying to have power over others people pleasing or criticizing yourself in a way I see healing from trauma as a process of updating our menus getting things on the menu that we're missing for example the feeling of someone supporting you and succeeding in your life or tuning to your needs separating the things that got mixed together which are our triggers and where we feel anxious in relationship to certain things for example because someone got into a car accident while a certain song was playing now they have an aversion to that song bringing together the things that got pulled apart for example if someone doesn't like or trust their body then we want to bring those two things together so they can experience their body in a healthy way we want to have more options and we don't want to feel like we're stuck ordering the same things over and over again

[00:12:40] without updating our menu we can feel limited in our lives we can feel inhibited from engaging with others and with life this can be exhausting and often isolating next I'll explore some of the methods I draw from to help people heal from trauma I will specifically focus on the methods that were developed by Dr Peter Levine and Dr Richard Schwartz and how I synthesize them Peter Levine developed a body-based method for healing from trauma called somatic experiencing or SE for short Dr Levine's work started with a burning question why don't wild animals become traumatized when their lives are routinely threatened given that our nervous systems are similar to animals right animals also respond to threat with fight flight and freeze responses my very simplified summary of what Dr Levine found through his years of research is that although animals have similar nervous systems to humans the reason why they don't exhibit signs of

[00:13:43] trauma after a life-threatening experience is because they rarely disconnect their awareness from their body and from being present the times that they do disconnect during a freeze response is time Limited wild animals quickly connect their awareness back to their body in its innate impulses and freely allow them to complete humans however can inhibit this natural process by staying disconnected from their body and what it's naturally wanting to do when we disconnect from our body we stop the process of the impulses moving through to completion the impulses don't disappear but we lose track of how to connect to them again somatic experiencing is a process of bringing awareness to the body and nervous system through this awareness we connect our mind and body which allows us to experience our innate drive for completion the body mind connection can also be utilized to regulate the nervous system or our internal state as a result we can learn to regulate

[00:14:46] intense feelings and emotions and not feel at the mercy of a dysregulated nervous system ultimately we become more embodied and resilient to Future threats as we're more aware of our connection with our body when helping someone experience a completion from the past it's important to create a supportive environment to return to in their mind so that their body can feel safe enough to execute its original impulses to stop or defeat the threat for example if the original event was so overwhelming that the brain and body had to resort to dissociating then we don't want to encourage someone to talk about the event as it happened instead we import resources and support into the past to make it more manageable to be present with and to be able to integrate the new experience in other words we don't want someone to have to freeze dissociate or disconnect from their body again to talk about a traumatic event

[00:15:49] if someone does disconnect from their body while talking about it it can be re-traumatizing by making their original neural Pathways stronger in addition by importing missing resources we're able to create a new relationship with the past a few examples of importing resources include importing your present day core self into the past to help your younger self freezing the threat making the threat smaller making yourself bigger creating boundaries or putting the threat as far away as needed in order to feel a sense of safety it's important to work within a range that is manageable at all times meaning we never want someone to feel overwhelmed in their body this allows us to be present and aware of the innate wisdom that arises from our body to heal from trauma in order to work within a range that's manageable it's vital to titrate the intensity of what we're experiencing titration can be described as taking something big and breaking it down into

[00:16:53] smaller pieces that we're able to integrate if I gave you a sandwich you wouldn't put the whole thing in your mouth at once because the body would reject it titration is taking small bites so that you can chew it and digest it and integrate it by importing resources and support into a past traumatic event we can be more present with our bodies and therefore more aware of the original impulses that may arise in order to experience completion when the impulse arises we imagine ourselves allowing the impulse to move through us and we do this in slow motion or by slowing down the imagery why slow motion well because we want to make sure that we can track what we're feeling in our body when we're Imagining the new experience when we bring mindfulness and awareness to both our body and mind during the visualization the brain and body experience it as if it's actually happening in doing so we create a new corrective experience that allows the

[00:17:57] mind and body to know what it's like to have a new empowering experience this creates new neural Pathways that restore confidence and flexibility in navigating future threats and moves encapsulated experiences Frozen in time through to completion for lasting change fortunately there's a mechanism in the brain that will not only allow us to rewrite the script on these past experiences but will prioritize the new empowering experience now let's take a look at Richard Schwartz's model called internal family systems he talks about the multiplicity of the mind and that we're made up of many different parts of ourselves and there are two main parts that carry burdens that are the ones that cause us the most trouble and suffering burdens are beliefs messages and experiences that we carry around that burden us they can often cause us to feel heavy and prevent us from accessing our authentic self we can carry beliefs and messages that aren't true for us

[00:19:01] ones that we picked up from others for example I'm not good enough Boys Don't Cry I'm not lovable life is against me Parts can be burdened by being forced into roles that are outside of their true nature and expression a common example is when a child's natural desire to play gets overtaken by the role to be overly responsible at a young age so we want to work with the burden Parts because when we heal those parts we have greater access to our core resilient self Richard Schwartz identified that there are exiled parts of us that hold the pain and vulnerability of traumatic experiences and that they're also protective parts that are trying to protect us from this pain and from getting hurt again when these parts separate from us then we can access our core self which exists right below the surface of the parts Dick Schwartz calls this the self with the capital S and I call it the core self

[00:20:03] and this is when we feel most like ourselves it's our true essence Dick Schwartz describes the qualities of the core self as curious compassionate courageous confident connected creative calm and clear in other words how we feel when our pain fear or insecurities aren't taking over it's from the state that we want to engage with the other parts of ourselves in order to assist them in resolving past trauma and releasing burdens let's look at some examples of protectors Exiles and burdens let's say someone grew up with a mom that was unpredictable sometimes loving and sometimes angry and mean the Exile would be the part of the child that carries the emotional pain and sadness of their mom being mean and angry toward them the Exile may also internalize and carry beliefs or burdens that they cause their mom to be mean they're not good enough or they can't count on others for support in life

[00:21:05] a child's protectors that can come from this situation might be a part that's anxious about the future because their mom was so unpredictable so the anxious part is trying to predict the future so that they don't get caught off guard another protective part that can form is a part that strives to be a perfectionist to try to prevent someone from being mean or angry at them or protect your part that's overly independent and that turns away from others for support and adopts an attitude of I can do it myself when there is a traumatic experience the protector Parts try to help us Survive by taking over in the best way that they know how they're responsible for pushing away the pain and as a result the exiled Parts become abandoned or compartmentalized however the exiled parts are determined to experience completion and in due time they'll try to get the core self's attention in order to heal the exiled Parts know that they can't just get your attention subtly or the protectors will quickly lock them away

[00:22:07] again so when the Exiles see a chance to break through they try to get your attention with intensity through intense feelings flashbacks nightmares or even bodily illness and disease the wisdom in this is that if they can get your attention they have a chance to heal and no longer stay stuck in the past reliving the pain once the Exiles can feel a connection with our core self and are able to feel seen heard understood and ultimately unburdened they can experience resolution with the past and the protective Parts can finally relax and take on more supportive roles to the core self this process is liberating and as a result we have greater access to our as we work with our parts and help them experience completion we're less fragmented and more integrated our whole internal system shifts so that we're more aware of our parts and able to lead and stay connected from our core solve this is the goal as the core self

[00:23:11] is the most wise resilient present and resourced aspect of ourselves and we'd want to live from this place as much as possible the protectors are like bodyguards created by the psyche to try to protect the whole system from experiencing the pain and vulnerability that was endured in the past protectors can take over automatically often in the form of being judgmental avoidant anxious angry intellectual impulsive or addicted they have one Mission which is to try to prevent you from experiencing or becoming overwhelmed by the pain again what do we do when the protectors take over and obscure ourself similar to how we work with the body we can help someone experience a sense of completion with the pain that caused the formation of the protectors protectors are attempting to protect the whole inner system from the Exiles which carry the pain and vulnerability that we

[00:24:15] experienced in the past in Exiles being compartmentalized by the protectors so that it doesn't overwhelm us however as long as the Exile is compartmentalized then the protectors will feel the need to take over and protect the system which results in us not feeling most like ourselves why does the protector feel the need to protect the system when the core self is actually more competent than the protector parts the protectors do this because they either don't know about the core self or they don't trust the core self building trust between the core self and both the protectors and Exiles is essential the parts need to know about the core self and trust it for them to relax I represent the chorus off as the sun because it's always available and shining the protectors are represented as clouds because they're clouding out the sun when they're present in the Exiles I draw is a little stick figure in a bubble they're in a bubble because

[00:25:17] they're stuck in time reliving pain trauma or vulnerability in order to have more access to the core self we want to help the protectors feel seen and heard by the core self for their positive intentions to help or protect us this is important because for many of us there's a tendency to be aggressive toward our protectors right if we have a part that's causing us grief we tend to want to get rid of it make it go away criticize it or ignore it however being aggressive toward these parts generally results in the protectors becoming bigger and stronger to ensure that they're successful at their job they are very loyal parts and they always have wisdom they'll do anything in their power to protect you from getting hurt or feeling pain it's essential to respect the protectors gain their trust and let them decide when they're ready to put down their guard and reveal the pain and vulnerability that's been compartmentalized

[00:26:20] once the protector Parts feel seen and start to know and trust the core self they can relax and reveal the exiled parts that they're trying to keep locked away the pain that the Exile is carrying is often Frozen in time because when the original threat occurred we generally didn't have the resources or support to integrate it the Exile can carry impulses that haven't been able to complete when the pain gets triggered in the present you can feel very similar to how you felt when the original threat occurred for example if in your present relationship your partner shows up late it might trigger the pain the Exile is carrying from the past when this part felt so sad alone and forgotten when their parent would forget to pick them up at school the work is to help the Exile feel seen and heard and to experience the core self as not being afraid of their pain what do I mean by that

[00:27:22] these parts need the core self to show up with an open heart and present and not need to run away or fix their pain this is truly a healing process we also help these parts experience new corrective experiences in their relationship with the core self we ultimately want to help this part move through time and feel a sense of resolution with the past and unburden the Exiles of the pain beliefs and messages that they've been carrying once that happens the protectors can relax or take on a more supportive role and we have more access to the core resilient self my goal is to always work within a range of Regulation or manageability when we're doing that we can be present with the experience and notice what it needs to feel a sense of completion oftentimes our childhood pains and vulnerabilities were dismissed or ignored by others and it's important that we don't perpetuate this so we take care to give

[00:28:26] these parts and experiences our attention and acknowledge them with compassion around what happened we can also help create a corrective experience by re-parenting parts of ourselves that didn't get their needs met this results in feeling a sense of resolution with the past the spirit or Soul can also leave the body when it's about to experience a major threat or trauma again this is a way of compartmentalizing the pain and suffering so that it doesn't compromise all of us Soul loss can be described as the soul or parts of the Soul leaving the body in order to not become compromised by the traumatic event this phenomenon can also be described as dissociation in fact Dr Peter Levine has used these terms Soul loss and dissociation synonymously dissociation can be explained as the awareness leaving the body so that we're not fully present to the pain this is a compassionate response designed to lessen the impact of the

[00:29:28] pain and or not consciously remember it by importing resources and support and creating a safer environment than the original one to revisit and complete defensive responses and experience corrective experiences we can provide the conditions for the soul to return to the body most importantly what many people report at the root of integrating past traumatic events through completions and corrective experiences is feeling their life energy and power returned to them I believe the course off is never compromised it is an aspect of us that always remains whole in my integrative model embody your power I pull from both Dr Levine's somatic experiencing modality and Dr Schwartz's internal family systems method as well as my additional training and experience in contemplative Psychotherapy holistic nutrition functional neurology shamanic healing various types of meditation

[00:30:31] transformational coaching and more since 2008 I've been working with people from all walks of life in private practice and it's this experience that has helped me develop and refine an integrative approach to health and healing my model addresses the need for completion unlike many therapies that focus on managing the symptoms of trauma which actually strengthens the protectors and doesn't get to the root of healing other therapies also aggressively push down thoughts and actions that appear disruptive or destructive which perpetuates an internal War other modalities may also desensitize people to the symptoms of trauma which doesn't allow for the impulses to move through them to completion unfortunately many modalities don't recognize or validate the inherent wisdom and intelligence in our response to trauma embody your power brings together wisdom from many sources to

[00:31:34] create a profound effective efficient and integrative way of working with trauma neglect burdens and unmet emotional needs embody your power returns power to your mind body and spirit where it was lost at the end of this episode I invite you to reflect on whether you default on one of the defensive responses when faced with a threat do you default on fighting fleeing or freezing lastly think about how it would feel if you can help your mind and body have a new corrective experience in relationship to the Past where now you get to experience the power of fighting back or running away when originally you weren't able to thanks for listening to this podcast if you found this episode helpful please consider assisting me in reaching more

[00:32:36] people by sharing it with others or writing a review together let's raise our Consciousness to help evolve Humanity for more information please visit my website daniellecarron.com that's d-a-n-i-e-l-l-e-c-a-r-r-o-n.com [Music] foreign
