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Text © 2018 Stase Michaels

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ISBN 978-1-4549-2738-9

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Interior design by Christine Heun

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This book is dedicated to those in pain and to healers—as professionals in many walks of life or healers of the heart—who seek to alleviate others’ pain.

CHAPTER ONE

Welcome to the World of Nightmares

When you get a text message or phone call from someone you love, you trust the source and instantly pick up. A nightmare has a bad rap as a frightening message that many run from. Not so! Even when a communication is scary, ditch preconceptions and welcome a nightmare as a conversation you want to have with a best friend—the wiser part of you.

JUST FOR FUN, TAKE THIS NIGHTMARE QUIZ:

Which of these statements about nightmares is true?

A. When you dream about someone who died, it can be an actual visit.

B. A nightmare about a disaster can be a true warning.

C. Nightmares have a hidden, yet constructive, message.

D. All of the above.

As the following chapters explain, the answer is (D): all of the above statements can be true. Dreams about the dead are often actual visits from a loved one who has passed on. In terms of warnings, dreams have warned many about an upcoming disaster or challenge. And like all dreams, a nightmare can bring help—if you unravel the map that points to the treasured message. Hint: Getting the message is easy. Chapter Three outlines a fast and easy way to find the meaning of a dream, including nightmares, with more hints scattered throughout the book.

Which of these statements about nightmares is false?

A. If you feel terrified and see yourself falling in a dream, you can die.

B. If you dream about a coffin, it means that someone will die.

C. If someone sleepwalks during a nightmare, they can harm someone.

D. All of the above.

The answer is a resounding (D): all of the above statements are false. The old wives’ tale that you can die if you dream that you are falling is a crock. There is no such thing as a symbol that “always” means the same thing for everyone: falling is a metaphor for losing control or feeling as if life is not on firm ground; like all symbols, it has a different meaning for different dreamers. This basic fact about symbols also rules out the misconception that dreams about a coffin are a sign that someone will die.

On to the sleepwalking statement. Research shows that while you dream, the large muscles of your body that control the arms and legs are paralyzed. The part of the brain that controls gross movements is on hold as you dream, so you cannot sleepwalk during a nightmare. Brain wave patterns during sleep show that you dream during Stage 1 of normal sleep, the level that is closest to being awake, so you dream when you are almost awake! Sleepwalking, on the other hand, happens during a deep sleep stage. A sleepwalker can experience random images, even scary ones, but a sleepwalker is not experiencing a full dream or nightmare. That is why, even during a blood-curdling nightmare, the potential to harm someone is extremely low, or negligible.

UNDERSTANDING NIGHTMARES

Understanding a nightmare is like attending the best Halloween costume party ever. When you arrive, your favorite TV and movie stars are waiting to greet you. All the guests race through a terrifying haunted house complete with fog, ghosts, ghouls, and gore. Fueled by adrenaline, you end up on a dimly lit dance floor, screaming—yet entertained. As you catch your breath, you realize that everything you just experienced was an entertaining façade that also boggled your mind. Even though it was scary, it made you let loose, transform, and experience the moment in a new way. Comparing nightmares to a Halloween party may sound crazy, yet it parallels what is true. Most of the time, a nightmare is a regular dream dressed up in a scary costume. Of course, there are exceptions. There are always exceptions. More on that later.

Dreams Versus Nightmares

How does a nightmare differ from a dream? A nightmare is different—yet the same. Dreams and nightmares both bring a message that can steer you past a challenge, provide insights about people, and give hints about how to resolve a problem. The main difference is that a nightmare is scary.

So the real question becomes: Why does a dream turn into a nightmare, and how does it happen? The quick answer describes a domino effect that goes like this: Anxiety makes you afraid. You fear the unknown, you resist what you fear, and you back away from what you do not want to confront. Fear distorts what you see and feel, including dream images. Suppose you see a dog walking down a dark street at midnight; as it approaches, dark shadows make it look terrifying, even if the pooch is friendly. Fear distorts a dream message, forcing dream characters and objects to hide behind scary costumes.

A nightmare also differs from a dream in power and energy. Emotionally, a dream can feel like a gentle rain or downpour; a nightmare lashes out with the power of a thunderstorm or hurricane that will not be ignored. A dream is a polite invitation. A nightmare pounds at your door, screaming, until you answer.

Where Do Nightmares Come From?

Like most dreams, nightmares are messages from your wiser, inner self, as a shout about something urgent that needs your attention. For believers, on a rare occasion a nightmare can be a heads-up from a guardian angel or a warning from the Divine itself. Joseph received a dream advising him to leave Bethlehem and flee to Egypt with Mary and Jesus, to avoid Herod’s sword. Joseph’s dream happened centuries ago as a notable event in Christian history, yet many still experience dream warnings. For those who are curious about how a dream happens, later sections provide a glimpse into the mechanics of a dream.

Scares Can Be Good for You

Most nightmares target a dreamer’s anxieties, as a helping hand from the psyche. Sometimes the helping hand arrives as a nightmare. Why? Like a kick in the pants, sometimes a good scare can trigger a positive reaction. A man dreams that everyone except him gets promoted. The dream terrifies him, yet it also spurs him to get off his butt and take courses to improve his career skills. A scary dream can mirror a clash in a relationship, like the woman who dreams that a dog bites her hand. Her dream parallels a boyfriend’s verbal put-downs: when she draws a line in the sand and tells him to back off, the nightmares disappear. A senior approaching retirement has nightmares about being stranded on a boat in the middle the ocean, as a fear of not being able to cope on a retirement income. It motivates him to make a new financial plan, for added security. Yes, terrifying dreams throw you into a maze of uncertainty. But they also include a message that shows the way out; and if you look closely, you can find that arrow.

Nightmares as Serious Red Flags

Most nightmares deal with day-to-day activities; however, if you have an emotional skeleton in your closet, a nightmare can point out a hidden, serious issue. Lynda was a divorced woman in her thirties. For ten years, she had a continuing nightmare about being chased by a monster which made her wake up, screaming. The monster was a disguised memory of Lynda being molested as a child, a pain Lynda had pushed away for years. As repeated knocks at Lynda’s door, the nightmares said: You are emotionally crippled, get help; you need to face the pain and deal with it, so that you can love again.

Distinguishing True Warnings from Metaphors

When a message is important, dreams work hard to get your attention; and terrifying images get your attention. Covered as a full chapter in this book, nightmare warnings that cite a life-and-death issue are rare. Most often, a nightmare targets issues that are urgent but not life-threatening, at least not yet. A scary image of an elevator-crash can mirror someone’s downward tailspin due to alcohol or drugs. A skull and crossbones on food or a scowling doctor can be a heads-up about a health issue. A car crash can mirror arguments in a relationship that are coming to a head. An avalanche can be a hint about news that feels overwhelming, like the loss of a job or of a loved one who is ill. As a critical feature of nightmares, several upcoming chapters cover dream warnings of actual dilemmas and the messages that nightmares unveiled.

In a Nutshell: The Main Points about Nightmares

You Are the Source. All dreams and nightmares, emerge from the dreamer’s mind and soul as messages that arrive with a helpful purpose.

Specific Issues. Though nightmares feel bad, when decoded they hold a positive message to guide you through a specific obstacle. As you deal with the fear, anxiety, or challenge, the bad dreams disappear.

Exceptions. Though most nightmares deal with personal distress, the exceptions noted below are more than meets the eye, as covered in a later chapter.

* Nightmares as a Genuine Warning. On rare occasions, a nightmare is a true warning about an impending danger, challenge, or disaster.

* Nightmares of Sensitive Souls. Those with more sensitive personalities, such as artists, creative people, nurturers, and caregivers, sometimes suffer from frequent and persistent nightmares. At times, heartfelt attunement and sensitivity spill out as a nightmare.

* Trauma and Nightmares. Extreme trauma—such as combat, prolonged abuse, or surviving a natural disaster like a terrorist attack, hurricane, earthquake, flood, or fire—can create intense nightmares. In this extreme-nightmare form, the person relives the trauma nightly as nightmares that often bring sleep deprivation and ratchet distress levels up to extreme heights.

DREAMS, NIGHTMARES, THE MIND, AND THE PSYCHE: WHO IS RUNNING THE SHOW?

To understand nightmares and dreams, it helps to look at how the mind works. The psyche is defined here as the part of your awareness that oversees the body, mind, and, for believers, the soul—whether you are awake or asleep. The psyche is the general manager; it knows all and keeps all on track. As Freud and Jung pointed out, the mind is not a one-room apartment: the mind is a multi-story building that includes:

* The awake you who lives your day and goes to sleep at night.

* The unconscious as the autopilot which carries out automatic tasks like breathing, and complex tasks like driving, without having to concentrate on every detail. You notice the unconscious as daydreaming and unplanned mind lapses into the past or future. The unconscious is the autopilot that takes over during sleep, allowing awareness to continue as a night-light version.

* Memory is the storage bin of the mind.

* The soul is the source of inspiration, motivation, and faith.

* The superconscious, some surmise, may be a DNA awareness in your bones that connects all people, seen in our similar needs, survival instincts, and universal reactions, in all nations, like identical responses to smiles. Mystics view the superconscious as awareness beyond the norm that connects all creatures, all humanity, God, and what lies beyond.

The Psyche Connects the Dots

Here is a closeup of how the psyche works in relation to dreams and dreaming.

You Live Two Lives. During daily activities, you have different roles in the world, as a professional, a parent or sibling, a friend, a blogger, or an arts-and-crafts or wine connoisseur. In your second life, you engage in a secret, ongoing inner dialogue of thoughts and feelings about yourself and everything around you. The psyche mediates these inner and outer parts.

The Real You. The psyche is the “me” that defines you. It blends your inner thoughts, feelings, and hopes with your outer roles and interactions with people.

Traffic Cop. The psyche is the traffic cop that filters thoughts and feelings. At any given moment, you concentrate on what is important, yet there is a lot more going on around you than you take in. As you focus, the psyche screens out what is irrelevant.

Balancing Actions with Feelings and Thoughts. As you plow through your day, the psyche revs up your mind, logic, and intellect. At the same time, it has access to the unconscious, unaware parts of you that can bubble over as a sudden urge, thought, or feeling. When inner and outer parts are in balance, you feel whole and creative. We compliment someone who is in balance by saying they’ve got it together. When a person’s outer roles and feelings are not in synch, you sense something odd about that person.

The Hub. If awareness was a wheel, the psyche would be the center hub that connects the spokes. It mediates roles, feelings, and thoughts with the goals and standards that you live by.

Reaching for More. Sometimes you reach out for spiritual answers beyond the daily norm, or ask for grace to get through a rocky patch. As a gateway to deeper levels, the psyche may connect you to your soul, to guardian angels, and, at times, to the divine itself. Some might see the psyche’s connection to the soul as your inner voice.

The Psyche as a Built-In Counselor

As the interface between you and the world, the psyche has direct access to an entire lifetime of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and memories. As you sleep, the psyche reviews what happened during the day and compares the day’s events to your ideals, goals, and hopes; after an in-depth review, by morning the psyche cranks out insights about the previous day’s concerns and forwards insights as a dream message. Later chapters examine this powerful, built-in counselor function of the psyche, as seen in nightmares.