James Withey is the founder of The Recovery Letters, a project that publishes online letters from people recovering from depression. He is the co-editor of the bestselling book The Recovery Letters: Addressed to People Experiencing Depression.

James trained as a person-centred counsellor and worked in addiction, homelessness and mental health services for fifteen years. He lives with depression and writes and speaks about mental health.

Twitter: @RecoveryLetters and @jameswwithey

How To Tell Depression to Piss Off

40 Ways to Get Your Life Back

A How To Book

James Withey

ROBINSON

First published in Great Britain in 2020 by Robinson

Copyright © James Withey, 2020

Illustrations © David Andrassy

Illustration on page 165 © iStock

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

Important note

This book is not intended as a substitute for medical advice or treatment. Any person with a condition requiring medical attention should consult a qualified medical practitioner or suitable therapist.

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 978-1-47214-451-5

Robinson

An imprint of
Little, Brown Book Group
Carmelite House

50 Victoria Embankment
London EC4Y 0DZ

An Hachette UK Company
www.hachette.co.uk

www.littlebrown.co.uk

How To Books are published by Robinson, an imprint of Little, Brown Book Group. We welcome proposals from authors who have first-hand experience of their subjects.
Please set out the aims of your book, its target market and its suggested contents in an email to howto@littlebrown.co.uk.

For Mum, Dad, Rach and Lou

Contents

Introduction

  1 Get help when you don’t feel like getting help

  2 Don’t listen to the lies

  3 Do the opposite

  4 Acceptance. You can’t fight with ghosts

  5 You’re unwell, not crazy

  6 But there’s really nothing wrong with being crazy

  7 Be nice to yourself (because depression won’t)

  8 Punch your cuckoo

  9 Whose voice is it anyway?

10 Get humble

11 Talk, talk, talk (and then talk some more)

12 Get angry. Very, very angry

13 I’m all right. I’m okay

14 Finding your strong bits

15 I miss being me – getting over me-phobia

16 Celebrate small steps (they’re actually huge)

17 Get some sleep

18 Read some stories

19 Depression? You’re having a laugh, aren’t you?

20 Second by second – not day by day

21 Do the work when you’re well

22 Intrude on the intrusive thoughts

23 Be, like, totally nice to others

24 Get your identity tags

25 There are many other crazies out there

26 Cut down on the booze

27 Get a hobby – get a toolbox

28 It’s okay if depression sometimes wins

29 This is your early warning call

30 Ditch your crap friends

31 Yeah, cheers, thanks a lot

32 Medicate! Medicate!

33 Rest

34 Slides and ladders

35 Finding the point in ‘What’s the bloody point?’

36 Start sharing

37 Download some hope

38 Get better painkillers and do mindfulness your way

39 Darken your humour (mwah ha ha)

40 Take pride in staying alive

Afterword by Dr Ben Janaway

Introduction

Depression is a git. Truly it is.

It’s an illness that constantly tries to take you down; that belittles you, criticises you, blames you, that gives you unbearable pain, drains you of your motivation and concentration, creates sleepless nights, anger, memory loss and has the capacity to kill you. It needs to be given a darn good seeing to. I’m being polite; it needs a good beating at the very least.

When I was first unwell with depression, I was desperate to know what to do. What action should I take? What should I be saying to myself? How do I manage something that feels utterly unmanageable?

This book gives you forty ways to get to a better place with this terrible illness. It gives you ideas and techniques to tackle depression. Unfortunately, we can’t always get it to go away completely, but these tips will help you prioritise you and not the illness.

These strategies are born out of my own discovery of what works to manage depression, which I still live with, as well as from many years working professionally with people with depression. I have been on both sides and know how destructive this illness is, but I also know how resilient we can be.

Depression hasn’t beaten me because I keep throwing everything at it. Every time I think I’ve beaten depression, I haven’t. But every time I think depression has beaten me, it hasn’t. Yes, it’s exhausting, but continuing to fight means we get moments in our lives that are wonderful, and those moments are worth every ounce of effort. And, crucially, depression doesn’t win.

I’m definitely not saying, ‘Ohhh, look at me! I’m all cured from depression and everything.’ Because I’m not. Far from it. I know depression’s not going to leave completely, but at the same time, I’m not going to let it win.

You don’t need to read this book in order; dip in and out if you like. Also there’s no hurry to read it all in one sitting: just go slowly and gently. It’s fine not to like or agree with all forty ways, and you don’t need to do them all at the same time – frankly it would be exhausting if you did. No matter what stage of depression you are at, there will be methods that can help. You might have just been diagnosed, be in the middle of a horrendous acute phase or recovering.

Pick the methods that appeal to you and give them a go. Then give them another go. Depression is a pernicious bugger, so you have to keep trying. Imagine it as bindweed trying to strangle a plant; you have to keep hacking away to keep it at bay.

Keep going, and, by the way, you’re doing really great.

James