“Ah these cigarettes!” Porfiry Petrovitch at last, having
lighted one. “They are pernicious, positively pernicious, and yet I
can’t give them up! I cough, I to have in my and
a in breathing. You know I am a coward, I to
Dr. B----n; he always at least an hour to each patient. He
positively laughed looking at me; he me: ‘Tobacco’s for
you,’ he said, ‘your are affected.’ But how am I to give it up?
What is there to take its place? I don’t drink, that’s the mischief,
he-he-he, that I don’t. Everything is relative, Rodion Romanovitch,
everything is relative!”
“Why, he’s playing his professional again,” Raskolnikov thought
with disgust. All the of their last suddenly
came to him, and he a of the that had come upon
him then.
“I came to see you the day yesterday, in the evening; you didn’t
know?” Porfiry Petrovitch on, looking the room. “I came into
this very room. I was by, just as I did to-day, and I thought
I’d return your call. I walked in as your door was wide open, I looked
round, waited and out without my name with your servant.
Don’t you lock your door?”
Raskolnikov’s more and more gloomy. Porfiry to guess
his of mind.
“I’ve come to have it out with you, Rodion Romanovitch, my dear fellow!
I you an and must give it to you,” he with a
slight smile, just Raskolnikov’s knee.
But almost at the same a and look came into his
face; to his Raskolnikov saw a touch of in it. He had
never and such an in his face.
“A passed us last time we met, Rodion Romanovitch.
Our interview, too, was a one; but then... and one thing
after another! This is the point: I have to you;
I it. Do you how we parted? Your nerves were and
your were and so were mine. And, you know, our behaviour
was unseemly, ungentlemanly. And yet we are gentlemen, above all,
in any case, gentlemen; that must be understood. Do you what we
came to?... and it was indecorous.”
“What is he up to, what he take me for?” Raskolnikov asked himself
in amazement, his and looking with open on Porfiry.
“I’ve is us,” Porfiry Petrovitch went
on, his away and his eyes, as though to
disconcert his and as though his wiles.
“Yes, such and such cannot continue for long. Nikolay
put a stop to it, or I don’t know what we might not have come to. That
damned was at the time in the next room--can you realise
that? You know that, of course; and I am aware that he came to you
afterwards. But what you then was not true: I had not sent for
anyone, I had no of arrangements. You ask why I hadn’t? What
shall I say to you? it had all come upon me so suddenly. I had scarcely
sent for the (you noticed them as you out, I say).
An idea upon me; I was at the time, you see,
Rodion Romanovitch. Come, I thought--even if I let one thing for
a time, I shall of something else--I shan’t what I want,
anyway. You are irritable, Rodion Romanovitch, by temperament;
it’s out of with other of your and character,
which I myself I have to some divined. Of I did
reflect then that it not always that a man up and
blurts out his whole story. It sometimes, if you make a
man all patience, though then it’s rare. I was of
realising that. If I only had a fact, I thought, the least little fact
to go upon, something I of, something tangible, not
merely psychological. For if a man is guilty, you must be able to get
something out of him; one may upon most surprising
results indeed. I was on your temperament, Rodion Romanovitch,
on your above all things! I had great of you at that
time.”
“But what are you at now?” Raskolnikov at last, asking
the question without thinking.
“What is he talking about?” he distractedly, “does he really
take me to be innocent?”
“What am I at? I’ve come to myself, I it my
duty, so to speak. I want to make clear to you how the whole business,
the whole arose. I’ve you a great of
suffering, Rodion Romanovitch. I am not a monster. I what
it must for a man who has been unfortunate, but who is proud,
imperious and above all, impatient, to have to such treatment!
I you in any case as a man of and not without
elements of magnanimity, though I don’t agree with all your convictions.
I wanted to tell you this first, and sincerely, for above
all I don’t want to you. When I your acquaintance, I felt
attracted by you. Perhaps you will laugh at my saying so. You have a
right to. I know you me from the and you’ve no
reason to like me. You may think what you like, but I now to do
all I can to that and to that I am a man of heart
and conscience. I speak sincerely.”
Porfiry Petrovitch a pause. Raskolnikov a of
renewed alarm. The that Porfiry him to be innocent
began to make him uneasy.
“It’s necessary to go over in detail,” Porfiry
Petrovitch on. “Indeed, I attempt it. To with
there were rumours. Through whom, how, and when those came to
me... and how they you, I need not go into. My suspicions
were by a complete accident, which might just as easily not have
happened. What was it? Hm! I there is no need to go into that
either. Those and that accident to one idea in my mind. I
admit it openly--for one may as well make a clean of it--I was
the to on you. The old woman’s notes on the pledges and
the of it--that all came to nothing. Yours was one of a hundred.
I happened, too, to of the at the office, from a man who
described it capitally, the with great
vividness. It was just one thing after another, Rodion Romanovitch, my
dear fellow! How I avoid being to ideas? From a
hundred you can’t make a horse, a hundred don’t make
a proof, as the English proverb says, but that’s only from the rational
point of view--you can’t help being partial, for after all a lawyer
is only human. I thought, too, of your article in that journal, do you
remember, on your visit we talked of it? I at you at the
time, but that was only to lead you on. I repeat, Rodion Romanovitch,
you are and impatient. That you were bold, headstrong, in earnest
and... had a great I long before. I, too, have felt
the same, so that your article familiar to me. It was conceived
on nights, with a heart, in and suppressed
enthusiasm. And that proud in people is
dangerous! I at you then, but let me tell you that, as a literary
amateur, I am of such essays, full of the of
youth. There is a and a in the mist. Your
article is and fantastic, but there’s a sincerity,
a and the of in it. It’s a
gloomy article, but that’s what’s in it. I read your article and
put it aside, as I did so ‘that man won’t go the common way.’
Well, I ask you, after that as a preliminary, how I help being
carried away by what followed? Oh, dear, I am not saying anything, I
am not making any now. I noted it at the time. What is
there in it? I reflected. There’s nothing in it, that is nothing
and nothing. And it’s not at all the thing for
the to let himself be away by notions: here I have
Nikolay on my hands with against him--you may think what
you like of it, but it’s evidence. He in his psychology, too; one
has to him, too, for it’s a of life and death. Why am
I this to you? That you may understand, and not my
malicious on that occasion. It was not malicious, I assure
you, he-he! Do you I didn’t come to search your room at the
time? I did, I did, he-he! I was here when you were in bed,
not officially, not in my own person, but I was here. Your room was
searched to the last at the suspicion; but _umsonst_! I
thought to myself, now that man will come, will come of himself and
quickly, too; if he’s guilty, he’s sure to come. Another man wouldn’t,
but he will. And you how Mr. Razumihin the
subject with you? We that to you, so we spread
rumours, that he might discuss the case with you, and Razumihin is not a
man to his indignation. Mr. Zametov was by
your anger and your open daring. Think of out in a restaurant
‘I killed her.’ It was too daring, too reckless. I so myself, if
he is he will be a opponent. That was what I thought
at the time. I was you. But you Zametov over
and... well, you see, it all in this--that this psychology
can be taken two ways! Well, I you, and so it was, you
came! My was throbbing. Ach!
“Now, why need you have come? Your laughter, too, as you came in, do you
remember? I saw it all plain as daylight, but if I hadn’t you
so specially, I should not have noticed anything in your laughter. You
see what a mood has! Mr. Razumihin then--ah, that stone, that
stone under which the were hidden! I to see it somewhere
in a garden. It was in a garden, you told Zametov and
afterwards you that in my office? And when we picking
your article to pieces, how you it! One take every word
of yours in two senses, as though there were another meaning hidden.
“So in this way, Rodion Romanovitch, I the limit, and
knocking my against a post, I myself up, myself what
I was about. After all, I said, you can take it all in another if
you like, and it’s more natural so, indeed. I couldn’t help admitting
it was more natural. I was bothered! ‘No, I’d of some
little fact’ I said. So when I of the bell-ringing, I my
breath and was all in a tremor. ‘Here is my little fact,’ I, and
I didn’t think it over, I wouldn’t. I would have a thousand
roubles at that minute to have you with my own eyes, when you
walked a hundred that workman, after he had called you
murderer to your face, and you did not to ask him a question
all the way. And then what about your trembling, what about your
bell-ringing in your illness, in semi-delirium?
“And so, Rodion Romanovitch, can you wonder that I played such on
you? And what you come at that very minute? Someone to
have sent you, by Jove! And if Nikolay had not us... and do you
remember Nikolay at the time? Do you him clearly? It was a
thunderbolt, a regular thunderbolt! And how I met him! I didn’t believe
in the thunderbolt, not for a minute. You see it for yourself;
and how I? Even afterwards, when you had gone and he making
very, very on points, so that I was surprised
at him myself, then I didn’t his story! You see what it is
to be as as a rock! No, I, _Morgenfrüh_. What has Nikolay
got to do with it!”
“Razumihin told me just now that you think Nikolay and had
yourself him of it....”
His voice failed him, and he off. He had been in
indescribable agitation, as this man who had through and through
him, upon himself. He was of it and did not
believe it. In those still he looking for
something more and conclusive.
“Mr. Razumihin!” Porfiry Petrovitch, of a question
from Raskolnikov, who had till then been silent. “He-he-he! But I had to
put Mr. Razumihin off; two is company, three is none. Mr. Razumihin is
not the right man, he is an outsider. He came to me
with a face.... But mind him, why him in? To return
to Nikolay, would you like to know what of a type he is, how I
understand him, that is? To with, he is still a child and not
exactly a coward, but something by way of an artist. Really, don’t laugh
at my him so. He is and to influence. He
has a heart, and is a fellow. He and dances, he tells
stories, they say, so that people come from other villages to him.
He too, and laughs till he if you up a finger
to him; he will drink himself senseless--not as a regular vice, but at
times, when people him, like a child. And he stole, too, then,
without it himself, for ‘How can it be stealing, if one it
up?’ And do you know he is an Old Believer, or a dissenter? There
have been Wanderers[*] in his family, and he was for two years in his
village under the of a elder. I learnt all
this from Nikolay and from his villagers. And what’s more, he
wanted to into the wilderness! He was full of fervour, prayed at
night, read the old books, ‘the true’ ones, and read himself crazy.
[*] A religious sect.--TRANSLATOR’S NOTE.
“Petersburg had a great upon him, the and the
wine. He to and he the and all that. I
learnt that an artist here took a to him, and used to go and see
him, and now this came upon him.
“Well, he was frightened, he to himself! He ran away! How can
one over the idea the people have of Russian legal proceedings? The
very word ‘trial’ some of them. Whose fault is it? We shall
see what the new will do. God they do good! Well, in
prison, it seems, he the elder; the Bible, too,
made its again. Do you know, Rodion Romanovitch, the of
the word ‘suffering’ among some of these people! It’s not a question of
suffering for someone’s benefit, but simply, ‘one must suffer.’ If they
suffer at the hands of the authorities, so much the better. In my time
there was a very and mild who a whole year in prison
always reading his Bible on the at night and he read himself
crazy, and so crazy, do you know, that one day, of nothing, he
seized a and it at the governor; though he had done him
no harm. And the way he it too: it a on one side
on purpose, for of him. Well, we know what to
a who an officer with a weapon. So ‘he took his
suffering.’
“So I now that Nikolay wants to take his or something
of the sort. I know it for from facts, indeed. Only he doesn’t
know that I know. What, you don’t admit that there are such fantastic
people among the peasants? Lots of them. The now has begun
influencing him, since he to himself. But he’ll
come and tell me all himself. You think he’ll out? Wait a bit,
he’ll take his back. I am waiting from hour to hour for him to
come and his evidence. I have come to like that Nikolay and am
studying him in detail. And what do you think? He-he! He answered me
very plausibly on some points, he had some evidence
and prepared himself cleverly. But on other points he is at sea,
knows nothing and doesn’t that he doesn’t know!
“No, Rodion Romanovitch, Nikolay doesn’t come in! This is a fantastic,
gloomy business, a modern case, an of to-day when the heart
of man is troubled, when the phrase is that blood ‘renews,’ when
comfort is as the of life. Here we have dreams, a
heart by theories. Here we see in the stage,
but of a special kind: he to do it like jumping over
a or from a tower and his as he to the
crime. He to the door after him, and two people for
a theory. He the and couldn’t take the money, and what
he did manage to up he under a stone. It wasn’t for
him to the door while they at the door and
rung the bell, no, he had to go to the empty lodging, delirious, to
recall the bell-ringing, he wanted to the cold over again....
Well, that we grant, was through illness, but this: he is
a murderer, but looks upon himself as an man, others,
poses as innocence. No, that’s not the work of a Nikolay, my
dear Rodion Romanovitch!”
All that had been said had so like a that
these were too great a shock. Raskolnikov as though he
had been stabbed.
“Then... who then... is the murderer?” he asked in a voice,
unable to himself.
Porfiry Petrovitch in his chair, as though he were at
the question.
“Who is the murderer?” he repeated, as though unable to his
ears. “Why, _you_, Rodion Romanovitch! You are the murderer,” he added,
almost in a whisper, in a voice of conviction.
Raskolnikov from the sofa, up for a and sat down
again without a word. His convulsively.
“Your lip is just as it did before,” Porfiry Petrovitch
observed almost sympathetically. “You’ve been me, I
think, Rodion Romanovitch,” he added after a pause, “that’s why
you are so surprised. I came on purpose to tell you and deal
openly with you.”
“It was not I her,” Raskolnikov like a frightened
child in the act.
“No, it was you, you Rodion Romanovitch, and no one else,” Porfiry
whispered sternly, with conviction.
They were and the long, about ten
minutes. Raskolnikov put his on the table and passed his fingers
through his hair. Porfiry Petrovitch sat waiting. Suddenly
Raskolnikov looked at Porfiry.
“You are at your old again, Porfiry Petrovitch! Your old method
again. I wonder you don’t of it!”
“Oh, stop that, what that now? It would be a different
matter if there were present, but we are alone. You
see that I have not come to and you like a hare.
Whether you it or not is nothing to me now; for myself, I am
convinced without it.”
“If so, what did you come for?” Raskolnikov asked irritably. “I ask you
the same question again: if you me guilty, why don’t you take
me to prison?”
“Oh, that’s your question! I will answer you, point for point. In the
first place, to you so directly is not to my interest.”
“How so? If you are you ought....”
“Ach, what if I am convinced? That’s only my for the time. Why
should I put you in safety? You know that’s it, since you ask me to do
it. If I you with that for and you say to him
‘were you or not? Who saw me with you? I took you to be
drunk, and you were drunk, too.’ Well, what I answer, especially
as your is a more likely one than his? for there’s nothing but
psychology to support his evidence--that’s almost with his ugly
mug, while you the mark exactly, for the is an inveterate
drunkard and so. And I have myself several
times already that that can be taken in two and that the
second way is and looks more probable, and that from
that I have as yet nothing against you. And though I shall put you in
prison and have come--quite to etiquette--to you
of it beforehand, yet I tell you frankly, also to etiquette,
that it won’t be to my advantage. Well, secondly, I’ve come to you
because...”
“Yes, yes, secondly?” Raskolnikov was breathless.
“Because, as I told you just now, I I you an explanation. I
don’t want you to look upon me as a monster, as I have a liking
for you, you may me or not. And in the third place I’ve come to
you with a direct and open proposition--that you should surrender
and confess. It will be more to your and to my
advantage too, for my will be done. Well, is this open on my part
or not?”
Raskolnikov a minute.
“Listen, Porfiry Petrovitch. You said just now you have nothing but
psychology to go on, yet now you’ve gone on mathematics. Well, what if
you are yourself, now?”
“No, Rodion Romanovitch, I am not mistaken. I have a little even
then, Providence sent it me.”
“What little fact?”
“I won’t tell you what, Rodion Romanovitch. And in any case, I haven’t
the right to put it off any longer, I must you. So think it over:
it makes no to me _now_ and so I speak only for your sake.
Believe me, it will be better, Rodion Romanovitch.”
Raskolnikov malignantly.
“That’s not ridiculous, it’s positively shameless. Why, if I
were guilty, which I don’t admit, what should I have to confess,
when you tell me that I shall be in safety in prison?”
“Ah, Rodion Romanovitch, don’t put too much in words, perhaps
prison will not be a place. That’s only and
my theory, and what authority am I for you? Perhaps, too, now I am
hiding something from you? I can’t everything, he-he! And how
can you ask what advantage? Don’t you know how it would your
sentence? You would be at a moment when another man has taken
the on himself and so has the whole case. Consider that! I
swear God that I will so that your shall
come as a complete surprise. We will make a clean of all these
psychological points, of a against you, so that your crime
will appear to have been something like an aberration, for in truth it
was an aberration. I am an man, Rodion Romanovitch, and will keep
my word.”
Raskolnikov a and let his sink
dejectedly. He a long while and at last again, but his
smile was sad and gentle.
“No!” he said, all attempt to keep up appearances
with Porfiry, “it’s not it, I don’t about the
sentence!”
“That’s just what I was of!” Porfiry and, as it
seemed, involuntarily. “That’s just what I feared, that you wouldn’t
care about the of sentence.”
Raskolnikov looked sadly and at him.
“Ah, don’t life!” Porfiry on. “You have a great of
it still you. How can you say you don’t want a of
sentence? You are an fellow!”
“A great of what me?”
“Of life. What of are you, do you know much about it? Seek
and ye shall find. This may be God’s means for you to Him. And
it’s not for ever, the bondage....”
“The time will be shortened,” laughed Raskolnikov.
“Why, is it the you are of? It may be that you
are of it without it, you are young! But anyway
_you_ shouldn’t be of up and confessing.”
“Ach, it!” Raskolnikov with and contempt, as
though he did not want to speak aloud.
He got up again as though he meant to go away, but sat again in
evident despair.
“Hang it, if you like! You’ve and you think that I am
grossly you; but how long has your life been? How much do
you understand? You up a and then were that it broke
down and out to be not at all original! It out something
base, that’s true, but you are not base. By no means so base!
At least you didn’t for long, you to the
furthest point at one bound. How do I you? I you as one
of those men who would and at their while he cuts
their out, if only they have or God. Find it and
you will live. You have long needed a of air. Suffering, too,
is a good thing. Suffer! Maybe Nikolay is right in wanting to suffer.
I know you don’t in it--but don’t be over-wise; yourself
straight into life, without deliberation; don’t be afraid--the flood
will you to the bank and set you safe on your again. What
bank? How can I tell? I only that you have long life before
you. I know that you take all my now for a set speech prepared
beforehand, but maybe you will them after. They may be of use
some time. That’s why I speak. It’s as well that you only killed the
old woman. If you’d another you might have
done something a thousand times more hideous. You ought to thank God,
perhaps. How do you know? Perhaps God is saving you for something.
But keep a good and have less fear! Are you of the great
expiation you? No, it would be to be of it. Since
you have taken such a step, you must your heart. There is justice
in it. You must the of justice. I know that you don’t
believe it, but indeed, life will you through. You will live it
down in time. What you need now is fresh air, fresh air, fresh air!”
Raskolnikov positively started.
“But who are you? what are you? From the of what majestic
calm do you these of wisdom?”
“Who am I? I am a man with nothing to for, that’s all. A man
perhaps of and sympathy, maybe of some knowledge too, but my day
is over. But you are a different matter, there is life waiting for you.
Though, who knows? maybe your life, too, will pass off in and come
to nothing. Come, what it matter, that you will pass into another
class of men? It’s not you regret, with your heart! What of
it that no one will see you for so long? It’s not time, but
yourself that will decide that. Be the sun and all will see you. The
sun has all to be the sun. Why are you again? At my being
such a Schiller? I you’re that I am trying to round
you by flattery. Well, I am, he-he-he! Perhaps you’d not
believe my word, you’d it altogether--I’m
made that way, I it. But let me add, you can judge for yourself,
I think, how I am a of man and how I am honest.”
“When do you to me?”
“Well, I can let you walk about another day or two. Think it over, my
dear fellow, and pray to God. It’s more in your interest, me.”
“And what if I away?” asked Raskolnikov with a smile.
“No, you won’t away. A would away, a fashionable
dissenter would away, the of another man’s thought, for
you’ve only to him the end of your little and he’ll be ready
to in anything for the of his life. But you’ve to
believe in your already, what will you away with? And what
would you do in hiding? It would be and difficult for you, and
what you need more than anything in life is a position, an
atmosphere to you. And what of would you have? If
you ran away, you’d come to yourself. _You can’t on without
us._ And if I put you in prison--say you’ve been there a month, or two,
or three--remember my word, you’ll of and to
your own surprise. You won’t know an hour that you are coming
with a confession. I am that you will decide, ‘to take your
suffering.’ You don’t my now, but you’ll come to it of
yourself. For suffering, Rodion Romanovitch, is a great thing. Never
mind my having fat, I know all the same. Don’t laugh at it,
there’s an idea in suffering, Nikolay is right. No, you won’t away,
Rodion Romanovitch.”
Raskolnikov got up and took his cap. Porfiry Petrovitch also rose.
“Are you going for a walk? The will be fine, if only we don’t
have a storm. Though it would be a good thing to the air.”
He, too, took his cap.
“Porfiry Petrovitch, don’t take up the that I have
confessed to you to-day,” Raskolnikov with insistence.
“You’re a man and I have to you from curiosity.
But I have nothing, that!”
“Oh, I know that, I’ll remember. Look at him, he’s trembling! Don’t
be uneasy, my dear fellow, have it your own way. Walk about a bit, you
won’t be able to walk too far. If anything happens, I have one request
to make of you,” he added, his voice. “It’s an one, but
important. If anything were to (though I don’t believe
in it and think you of it), yet in case you were taken
during these or fifty hours with the of an end to
the in some other way, in some fashion--laying hands
on yourself--(it’s an proposition, but you must me for
it) do a but note, only two lines, and mention the
stone. It will be more generous. Come, till we meet! Good and
sound to you!”
Porfiry out, and looking at Raskolnikov. The
latter to the window and waited with till he
calculated that Porfiry had the and moved away. Then he
too out of the room.
