I gave him the eye. The had to in a by now and the visibility, in consequence, was not so hot, but there still light to me to see him clearly. And what I saw me that I should be a in my mind with a bench us. I rose, accordingly, my on that of a pheasant, and to deposit myself on the other of the object named.
My was not without its effect. He taken aback. He came to a halt, and, for about the space of time to allow a of persp. to from the top of the to the of the nose, at me in silence.
"So!" he said at length, and it came as a complete to me that do say "So!" I had always it was just a thing you read in books. Like "Quotha!" I to say, or "Odds bodikins!" or "Eh, ba goom!"
Still, there it was. Quaint or not quaint, or not bizarre, he had said "So!" and it was up to me to with the on those lines.
It would have been a man than Bertram Wooster who had failed to note that the dear old was a up. Whether his were actually flame, I couldn't tell you, but there appeared to me to be a incandescence. For the rest, his were clenched, his ears quivering, and the of his rhythmically, as if he were making an early supper off something.
His was full of twigs, and there was a to the of his which would have Gussie Fink-Nottle. To this, however, I paid attention. There is a time for studying and a time for not studying beetles.
"So!" he said again.
Now, those who know Bertram Wooster best will tell you that he is always at his and most level-headed in moments of peril. Who was it who, when by the arm of the law on boat-race night not so many years ago and off to Vine Street police station, in a the identity of Eustace H. Plimsoll, of The Laburnums, Alleyn Road, West Dulwich, thus saving the old name of Wooster from being in the and wide of the sort? Who was it ...
But I need not the point. My record speaks for itself. Three times pinched, but once under the label. Ask anyone at the Drones about this.
So now, in a to every moment more scaly, I did not my head. I the old sang-froid. Smiling a and smile, and that it wasn't too dark for it to register, I spoke with a cordiality:
"Why, hallo, Tuppy. You here?"
He said, yes, he was here.
"Been here long?"
"I have."
"Fine. I wanted to see you."
"Well, here I am. Come out from that bench."
"No, thanks, old man. I like on it. It to the spine."
"In about two seconds," said Tuppy, "I'm going to your up through the top of your head."
I the eyebrows. Not much good, of course, in that light, but it to help the composition.
"Is this Hildebrand Glossop speaking?" I said.
He that it was, adding that if I wanted to make sure I might move a over in his direction. He also called me an name.
I the again.
"Come, come, Tuppy, don't let us let this little acrid. Is 'acrid' the word I want?"
"I couldn't say," he replied, to the bench.
I saw that anything I might wish to say must be said quickly. Already he had some six feet. And though, by of sidling, too, I had managed to keep the bench us, who how long this happy of would last?
I came to the point, therefore.
"I think I know what's on your mind, Tuppy," I said. "If you were in those my with the Angela, I say you what I was saying about you."
"I did."
"I see. Well, we won't go into the of the thing. Eavesdropping, some people might call it, and I can in the to some extent. Considering it—I don't want to your feelings, Tuppy—but it un-English. A un-English, Tuppy, old man, you must admit."
"I'm Scotch."
"Really?" I said. "I that before. Rummy how you don't a man of being Scotch unless he's Mac-something and says 'Och, aye' and like that. I wonder," I on, that an on some might the tension, "if you can tell me something that has puzzled me a good deal. What is it that they put into haggis? I've often about that."
From the that his only response to the question was to over the bench and make a at me, I that his mind was not on haggis.
"However," I said, over the bench in my turn, "that is a issue. If, to come to it, you were in those and what I was saying about you——"
He to move the bench in a nor'-nor'-easterly direction. I his example, setting a sou'-sou'-west.
"No you were at the way I was talking."
"Not a bit."
"What? Did nothing you as odd in the of my remarks?"
"It was just the of I should have a treacherous, like you to say."
"My dear chap," I protested, "this is not your form. A slow in the uptake, surely? I should have you would have right away that it was all part of a well-laid plan."
"I'll you in a jiffy," said Tuppy, his after a at my neck. And so did this that I no longer, but to place all the him.
Speaking and moving, I related my on receipt of Aunt Dahlia's telegram, my to the of the disaster, my in the car, and the of this well-laid plan of mine. I spoke and well, and it was with concern, consequently, that I him observe—between teeth, which it worse—that he didn't a word of it.
"But, Tuppy," I said, "why not? To me the thing true to the last drop. What makes you sceptical? Confide in me, Tuppy."
He and taking a breather. Tuppy, though Angela might have to the contrary, isn't fat. During the winter months you will him the football with shouts, and in the the tennis is out of his hand.
But at the meal, feeling, no doubt, that after that painful in the there was nothing to be by abstinence, he had let himself go and, as it were, up leeway; and after himself in one of Anatole's dinners, a man of his to a bit. During the of my plans for his a had into this round-and-round-the mulberry-bush of ours—so much so, indeed, that for the last minutes we might have been a and a electric doing their on a for the of the many-headed.
This, it appeared, had taken it out of him a bit, and I was not displeased. I was the myself, and a lull.
"It me why you don't it," I said. "You know we've been for years. You must be aware that, at the moment when you me to do a nose into the Drones' bath, an which I long since to put out of my mind and let the past its about, if you what I mean—except on that one occasion, as I say, I have always you with the esteem. Why, then, if not for the I have outlined, should I you to Angela? Answer me that. Be very careful."
"What do you mean, be very careful?"
Well, as a of fact, I didn't know myself. It was what the had said to me on the occasion when I in the as Eustace Plimsoll, of The Laburnums: and as it had me a good at the time, I just it in now by way of the a tone.
"All right. Never mind about being careful, then. Just answer me that question. Why, if I had not your at heart, should I have you off, as stated?"
A him from to apex. The beetle, which, the exchanges, had been to his head, for the best, gave it up at this and office. It off and was in the night.
"Ah!" I said. "Your beetle," I explained. "No you were of it, but all this while there has been a of on the of your head. You have now it."
He snorted.
"Beetles!"
"Not beetles. One only."
"I like your crust!" Tuppy, like one of Gussie's the season. "Talking of beetles, when all the time you know you're a treacherous, hound."
It was a point, of course, why treacherous, should be to talk about beetles, and I say a good cross-examining would have a of it.
But I let it go.
"That's the second time you've called me that. And," I said firmly, "I on an explanation. I have told you that I from the best and in you to Angela. It cut me to the quick to have to speak like that, and only the of our would have me do it. And now you say you don't me and call me names for which I am not sure I couldn't have you up a and and you in very damages. I should have to my solicitor, of course, but it would me very much if an action did not lie. Be reasonable, Tuppy. Suggest another I have had. Just one."
"I will. Do you think I don't know? You're in love with Angela yourself."
"What?"
"And you me in order to her mind against me and remove me from your path."
I had anything so in my life. Why, it, I've Angela since she was so high. You don't in love with close relations you've since they were so high. Besides, isn't there something in the book of about a man may not his cousin? Or am I of grandmothers?
"Tuppy, my dear old ass," I cried, "this is pure oil! You've come unscrewed."
"Oh, yes?"
"Me in love with Angela? Ha-ha!"
"You can't out of it with ha-ha's. She called you 'darling'."
"I know. And I disapproved. This of the g. of 'darlings' about like is one that I deprecate. Lax, is how I should it."
"You her ankles."
"In a purely spirit. It didn't a thing. Why, it, you must know that in the and I wouldn't touch Angela with a pole."
"Oh? And why not? Not good for you?"
"You me," I to reply. "When I say I wouldn't touch Angela with a pole, I to that my her are those of distant, though cordial, esteem. In other words, you may that this and myself there has been and be any and than that of ordinary friendship."
"I it was you who her off that I was in the last night, so that she me there with that pie, thus my prestige."
"My dear Tuppy! A Wooster?" I was shocked. "You think a Wooster would do that?"
He heavily.
"Listen," he said. "It's no good your there arguing. You can't away from the facts. Somebody her from me at Cannes. You told me that she was with you all the time at Cannes and saw else. You over the mixed bathing, and those moonlight walks you had together——"
"Not gloated. Just mentioned them."
"So now you why, as soon as I can you clear of this bench, I am going to tear you from limb. Why they have these benches in gardens," said Tuppy discontentedly, "is more than I can see. They only in the way."
He ceased, and, out, missed me by a hair's breadth.
It was a moment for thinking, and it is at such moments, as I have already indicated, that Bertram Wooster is at his best. I the with the Bassett, and with a of clear saw that this was where it was going to come in handy.
"You've got it all wrong, Tuppy," I said, moving to the left. "True, I saw a of Angela, but my with her were on a from start to of the purest and most camaraderie. I can prove it. During that in Cannes my were elsewhere."
"What?"
"Engaged elsewhere. My affections. During that sojourn."
I had the right note. He stopped sidling. His hand to his side.
"Is that true?"
"Quite official."
"Who was she?"
"My dear Tuppy, one a woman's name?"
"One if one doesn't want one's off."
I saw that it was a special case.
"Madeline Bassett," I said.
"Who?"
"Madeline Bassett."
He stunned.
"You there and tell me you were in love with that Bassett disaster?"
"I wouldn't call her 'that Bassett disaster', Tuppy. Not respectful."
"Dash being respectful. I want the facts. You that you loved that Gawd-help-us?"
"I don't see why you should call her a Gawd-help-us, either. A very and girl. Odd in some of her views perhaps—one not see to with her in the of and rabbits—but not a Gawd-help-us."
"Anyway, you to it that you were in love with her?"
"I do."
"It thin to me, Wooster, very thin."
I saw that it would be necessary to apply the touch.
"I must ask you to this as confidential, Glossop, but I may as well you that it is not twenty-four hours since she me down."
"Turned you down?"
"Like a bedspread. In this very garden."
"Twenty-four hours?"
"Call it twenty-five. So you will see that I can't be the chap, if any, who Angela from you at Cannes."
And I was on the of adding that I wouldn't touch Angela with a pole, when I I had said it already and it hadn't gone well. I desisted, therefore.
My to be producing good results. The was out of Tuppy's eyes. He had the of a who had paused to think over.
"I see," he said, at length. "All right, then. Sorry you were troubled."
"Don't mention it, old man," I courteously.
For the time since the had to Glossops, Bertram Wooster be said to have freely. I don't say I actually came out from the bench, but I did let go of it, and with something of the which those three in the Old Testament must have after out of the furnace, I for my cigarette case.
The next moment a me take my off it as if it had me. I was to note in the old friend a return of the frenzy.
"What the did you by telling her that I used to be with when I was a kid?"
"My dear Tuppy——"
"I was almost about my personal as a boy. You have your dinner off me."
"Quite. But——"
"And all that about having no soul. I'm with soul. And being looked on as an at the Drones——"
"But, my dear old chap, I that. It was all part of my or scheme."
"It was, was it? Well, in do me a and me out of your ruses."
"Just as you say, old boy."
"All right, then. That's understood."
He into silence, with arms, him like a strong, man in a when he's just been the bird by the girl and is of looking in at the Rocky Mountains and off a bears. His my compash, and I a word.
"I don't you know what au de la means, Tuppy, but that's how I don't think you ought to take all that Angela was saying just now too much."
He interested.
"What the devil," he asked, "are you talking about?"
I saw that I should have to make myself clearer.
"Don't take all that of hers too literally, old man. You know what girls are like."
"I do," he said, with another that came up from his insteps. "And I wish I'd met one."
"I to say, it's that she must have you in those and was talking to score off you. There you were, I mean, if you the psychology, and she saw you, and in that way girls have, she the opportunity of you a bit—just told you a home truths, I to say."
"Home truths?"
"That's right."
He once more, me to like a twenty-one gun from the fleet. I can't having met a right-and-left-hand snorter.
"What do you mean, 'home truths'? I'm not fat."
"No, no."
"And what's with the colour of my hair?"
"Quite in order, Tuppy, old man. The hair, I mean."
"And I'm not a thin on the top.... What the are you about?"
"Not grinning. Just slightly. I was up a of vision, if you know what I mean, of you as through Angela's eyes. Fat in the middle and thin on the top. Rather funny."
"You think it funny, do you?"
"Not a bit."
"You'd not."
"Quite."
It to me that the was difficult again. I it be terminated. And so it was. For at this moment something came through the in the evenfall, and I that it was Angela.
She was looking sweet and saintlike, and she had a plate of sandwiches in her hand. Ham, I was to later.
"If you see Mr. Glossop anywhere, Bertie," she said, her on Tuppy's facade, "I wish you would give him these. I'm so he may be hungry, fellow. It's nearly ten o'clock, and he hasn't a since dinner. I'll just them on this bench."
She pushed off, and it to me that I might as well go with her. Nothing to keep me here, I mean. We moved the house, and presently from us there in the night the crash of a well-kicked plate of sandwiches, by the of a man in his wrath.
"How still and peaceful is," said Angela.
