Sunshine was the of Brinkley Court and the ear a marked of in the the window when I next to a new day. But there was no in Bertram Wooster's and no in his as he sat up in bed, his cup of tea. It not be that to Bertram, the of the previous night, the Tuppy-Angela more or less to have a cog. With every to look for the lining, I not but that the these two had now such that the of same would be my powers.
I am a observer, and there had been something in Tuppy's manner as he that plate of sandwiches that to tell me that he would not forgive.
In these circs., I it best to their problem for the and turn the mind to the of Gussie, which presented a picture.
With to Gussie, was in train. Jeeves's about the chap's orange juice had put me to a good of trouble, but I had every in the old Wooster way. I had an of the necessary spirit, and it was now in its in the of the dressing-table. I had also that the jug, filled, would be on a in the butler's about the hour of one. To remove it from that shelf, it up to my room, and return it, laced, in good time for the would be a calling, no doubt, for address, but in no an one.
It was with something of the of one preparing a for a child that I my tea and rolled over for that spot of sleep which just makes all the when there is man's work to be done and the brain must be clear for it.
And when I came an hour or so later, I how right I had been to this for Gussie's up. I ran into him on the lawn, and I see at a that if there was a man who needed a stimulant, it was he. All nature, as I have indicated, was smiling, but not Augustus Fink-Nottle. He was walking in circles, something about not to us long, but on this occasion to say a words.
"Ah, Gussie," I said, him as he was about to start another lap. "A morning, is it not?"
Even if I had not been aware of it already, I have from the with which he the that he was not in mood. I myself to the of the roses to his cheeks.
"I've got good news for you, Gussie."
He looked at me with a interest.
"Has Market Snodsbury Grammar School down?"
"Not that I know of."
"Have out? Is the place closed on account of measles?"
"No, no."
"Then what do you you've got good news?"
I to soothe.
"You mustn't take it so hard, Gussie. Why worry about a job like at a school?"
"Laughably simple, eh? Do you I've been for days and haven't been able to think of a thing to say yet, that I won't them long. You I won't them long. I've been my speech, and it lasts five seconds. What the am I to say, Bertie? What do you say when you're prizes?"
I considered. Once, at my private school, I had a prize for Scripture knowledge, so I I ought to have been full of stuff. But memory me.
Then something from the mists.
"You say the is not always to the swift."
"Why?"
"Well, it's a good gag. It a hand."
"I mean, why isn't it? Why isn't the to the swift?"
"Ah, there you have me. But the say it isn't."
"But what it mean?"
"I take it it's to the who haven't prizes."
"What's the good of that to me? I'm not about them. It's the ones that have that I'm about, the little who will come up on the platform. Suppose they make at me."
"They won't."
"How do you know they won't? It's the thing they'll think of. And if they don't—Bertie, shall I tell you something?"
"What?"
"I've a good mind to take that of yours and have a drink."
I smiled. He little knew, about up what I was thinking.
"Oh, you'll be all right," I said.
He again.
"How do you know I'll be all right? I'm sure to up in my lines."
"Tush!"
"Or a prize."
"Tut!"
"Or something. I can it in my bones. As sure as I'm here, something is going to this which will make laugh themselves at me. I can them now. Like hyenas.... Bertie!"
"Hullo?"
"Do you that kids' we to Eton?"
"Quite. It was there I my Scripture prize."
"Never mind about your Scripture prize. I'm not talking about your Scripture prize. Do you the Bosher incident?"
I did, indeed. It was one of the high of my youth.
"Major-General Sir Wilfred Bosher came to the at that school," Gussie in a dull, voice. "He a book. He to it up. And, as he stooped, his up the back."
"How we roared!"
Gussie's twisted.
"We did, little that we were. Instead of and a for a officer at a moment, we and with mirth. I of any. That is what will to me this afternoon, Bertie. It will be a on me for laughing like that at Major-General Sir Wilfred Bosher."
"No, no, Gussie, old man. Your won't split."
"How do you know they won't? Better men than I have their trousers. General Bosher was a D.S.O., with a record of service on the north-western of India, and his split. I shall be a and a scorn. I know it. And you, of what I am in for, come about good news. What news possibly be good to me at this moment the that had out among the of Market Snodsbury Grammar School, and that they were all to their with spots?"
The moment had come for me to speak. I a hand on his shoulder. He it off. I it on again. He it off once more. I was to it on for the third time, when he moved and desired, with a petulance, to be if I I was a osteopath.
I his manner trying, but one has to make allowances. I was telling myself that I should be a very different Gussie after lunch.
"When I said I had good news, old man, I meant about Madeline Bassett."
The died out of his eyes, to be replaced by a look of sadness.
"You can't have good news about her. I've myself there completely."
"Not at all. I am that if you take another at her, all will be well."
And, it snappy, I related what had passed the Bassett and myself on the previous night.
"So all you have to do is play a return date, and you cannot fail to the voting. You are her man."
He his head.
"No."
"What?"
"No use."
"What do you mean?"
"Not a of good trying."
"But I tell you she said in so many words——"
"It doesn't make any difference. She may have loved me once. Last night will have killed all that."
"Of it won't."
"It will. She me now."
"Not a of it. She you got cold feet."
"And I should cold if I again. It's no good, Bertie. I'm hopeless, and there's an end of it. Fate me the of who can't say 'bo' to a goose."
"It isn't a question of saying 'bo' to a goose. The point doesn't at all. It is a of——"
"I know, I know. But it's no good. I can't do it. The whole thing is off. I am not going to a of last night's fiasco. You talk in a light way of taking another at her, but you don't know what it means. You have not been through the of starting to ask the girl you love to you and then talking about the of the newly-born newt. It's not a thing you can do twice. No, I accept my destiny. It's all over. And now, Bertie, like a good chap, off. I want to my speech. I can't my speech with you around. If you are going to continue to around, at least give me a of stories. The little are sure to a or two."
"Do you know the one about——"
"No good. I don't want any of your off-colour from the Drones' smoking-room. I need something clean. Something that will be a help to them in their after lives. Not that I a about their after lives, that I they'll all choke."
"I a the other day. I can't it, but it was about a who and the neighbours, and it ended, 'It was his that them.'"
He a gesture.
"You me to work that in, do you, into a speech to be delivered to an audience of boys, every one of is with adenoids? Damn it, they'd the platform. Leave me, Bertie. Push off. That's all I ask you to do. Push off.... Ladies and gentlemen," said Gussie, in a low, of way, "I do not to this occasion long——"
It was a Wooster who walked away and left him at it. More than I was myself on having had the good to make all my so that I press a and set moving at an instant's notice.
Until now, you see, I had a of that when I had to him the Bassett's attitude, Nature would have done the rest, him up to such an that would not be required. Because, naturally, a doesn't want to have to about country houses of orange juice, unless it is essential.
But now I saw that I must on as planned. The total of pep, ginger, and the right which the man had these me that the would be necessary. Immediately upon him, therefore, I to the pantry, waited till the had himself elsewhere, and in and the jug. A moments later, after a passage of the stairs, I was in my room. And the thing I saw there was Jeeves, about with trousers.
He gave the a look which—wrongly, as it was to turn out—I as censorious. I myself up a bit. I to have no from the fellow.
"Yes, Jeeves?"
"Sir?"
"You have the air of one about to make a remark, Jeeves."
"Oh, no, sir. I note that you are in of Mr. Fink-Nottle's orange juice. I was about to that in my opinion it would be to add to it."
"That is a remark, Jeeves, and it is precisely——"
"Because I have already to the matter, sir."
"What?"
"Yes, sir. I decided, after all, to in your wishes."
I at the man, astounded. I was moved. Well, I mean, wouldn't any who had been going about that the old was and then it wasn't have been moved?
"Jeeves," I said, "I am touched."
"Thank you, sir."
"Touched and gratified."
"Thank you very much, sir."
"But what this of heart?"
"I to Mr. Fink-Nottle in the garden, sir, while you were still in bed, and we had a conversation."
"And you came away that he needed a bracer?"
"Very much so, sir. His me as defeatist."
I nodded.
"I the same. 'Defeatist' it up to a nicety. Did you tell him his you as defeatist?"
"Yes, sir."
"But it didn't do any good?"
"No, sir."
"Very well, then, Jeeves. We must act. How much did you put in the jug?"
"A tumblerful, sir."
"Would that be a normal for an adult defeatist, do you think?"
"I it should prove adequate, sir."
"I wonder. We must not the ship for a ha'porth of tar. I think I'll add just another or so."
"I would not it, sir. In the case of Lord Brancaster's parrot——"
"You are into your old error, Jeeves, of that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz."
"Very good, sir."
"And, by the way, Jeeves, Mr. Fink-Nottle is in the market for bright, clean to use in his speech. Do you know any?"
"I know a about two Irishmen, sir."
"Pat and Mike?"
"Yes, sir."
"Who were walking along Broadway?"
"Yes, sir."
"Just what he wants. Any more?"
"No, sir."
"Well, every little helps. You had go and tell it to him."
"Very good, sir."
He passed from the room, and I the and into the a of its contents. And had I done so, when there came to my ears the of without. I had only just time to the the photograph of Uncle Tom on the the door opened and in came Gussie, like a horse.
"What-ho, Bertie," he said. "What-ho, what-ho, what-ho, and again what-ho. What a world this is, Bertie. One of the I met."
I at him, speechless. We Woosters are as quick as lightning, and I saw at once that something had happened.
I to say, I told you about him walking in circles. I recorded what passed us on the lawn. And if I the with anything like skill, the picture you will have of this Fink-Nottle will have been that of a wreck, at the knees, green about the gills, and at the of his in an of fear. In a word, defeatist. Gussie, that interview, had, in fine, all the of one to a custard.
Vastly different was the Gussie who me now. Self-confidence to from the fellow's every pore. His was flushed, there was a light in his eyes, the were in a smile. And when with a hand he me on the I sidestep, it was as if I had been by a mule.
"Well, Bertie," he proceeded, as as a without a thing on his mind, "you will be to that you were right. Your has been and proved correct. I like a cock."
My brain to reel. I saw all.
"Have you been having a drink?"
"I have. As you advised. Unpleasant stuff. Like medicine. Burns your throat, too, and makes one as thirsty as the dickens. How anyone can it up, as you do, for pleasure, me. Still, I would be the last to that it up the system. I bite a tiger."
"What did you have?"
"Whisky. At least, that was the label on the decanter, and I have no to that a woman like your aunt—staunch, true-blue, British—would the public. If she her Whisky, then I that we know where we are."
"A and soda, eh? You couldn't have done better."
"Soda?" said Gussie thoughtfully. "I there was something I had forgotten."
"Didn't you put any in it?"
"It to me. I just into the dining-room and out of the decanter."
"How much?"
"Oh, about ten swallows. Twelve, maybe. Or fourteen. Say sixteen medium-sized gulps. Gosh, I'm thirsty."
He moved over to the wash-stand and out of the water bottle. I a at Uncle Tom's photograph his back. For the time since it had come into my life, I was that it was so large. It its well. If Gussie had of that of orange juice, he would have been on to it like a knife.
"Well, I'm you're braced," I said.
He moved from the wash-hand stand, and to me on the again. Foiled by my footwork, he to the and sat upon it.
"Braced? Did I say I bite a tiger?"
"You did."
"Make it two tigers. I in a door. What an you must have me out there in the garden. I see now you were laughing in your sleeve."
"No, no."
"Yes," Gussie. "That very sleeve," he said, pointing. "And I don't you. I can't why I all that about a job like at a little country school. Can you imagine, Bertie?"
"Exactly. Nor can I imagine. There's nothing to it. I just up on the platform, a words, hand the little their prizes, and again, by all. Not a of from start to finish. I mean, why should his trousers? I can't imagine. Can you imagine?"
"No."
"Nor can I imagine. I shall be a riot. I know just the of that's needed—simple, manly, from the shoulder. This shoulder," said Gussie, tapping. "Why I was so this I can't imagine. For anything than a books to a of grimy-faced I can't imagine. Still, for some I can't imagine, I was a little nervous, but now I fine, Bertie—fine, fine, fine—and I say this to you as an old friend. Because that's what you are, old man, when all the has away—an old friend. I don't think I've met an older friend. How long have you been an old friend of mine, Bertie?"
"Oh, years and years."
"Imagine! Though, of course, there must have been a time when you were a new friend.... Hullo, the gong. Come on, old friend."
And, from the like a flea, he for the door.
I pensively. What had was, of course, so much velvet, as you might say. I mean, I had wanted a Fink-Nottle— indeed, all my plans had had a Fink-Nottle as their end and —but I myself a little the Fink-Nottle now the wasn't, perhaps, a too braced. His to me that of a man who might easily about at lunch.
Fortunately, however, the settled of those him a upon him at the table. It would have needed a more man to have been at such a gathering. I had told the Bassett that there were in Brinkley Court, and it now looked that there would be tummies. Anatole, I learned, had retired to his with a fit of the vapours, and the now us had been by the maid—as C3 a as a skillet.
This, on top of their other troubles, in the company a silence—a stillness, as you might say—which Gussie did not prepared to break. Except, therefore, for one of song on his part, nothing marked the occasion, and presently we rose, with from Aunt Dahlia to put on and be at Market Snodsbury not later than 3.30. This me time to a or two in a the lake, I did so, repairing to my room about the hour of three.
Jeeves was on the job, adding the final to the old topper, and I was about to him of the latest in the of Gussie, when he me by that the had only just an visit to the Wooster bedchamber.
"I Mr. Fink-Nottle seated here when I to out your clothes, sir."
"Indeed, Jeeves? Gussie was in here, was he?"
"Yes, sir. He left only a moments ago. He is to the with Mr. and Mrs. Travers in the large car."
"Did you give him your of the two Irishmen?"
"Yes, sir. He laughed heartily."
"Good. Had you any other for him?"
"I to that he might mention to the that education is a out, not a in. The late Lord Brancaster was much to at schools, and he this dictum."
"And how did he to that?"
"He laughed heartily, sir."
"This you, no doubt? This merriment, I mean."
"Yes, sir."
"You it odd in one who, when you last saw him, was well up in Group A of the defeatists."
"Yes, sir."
"There is a explanation, Jeeves. Since you last saw him, Gussie has been on a bender. He's as tight as an owl."
"Indeed, sir?"
"Absolutely. His nerve under the strain, and he into the dining-room and started the up like a cleaner. Whisky would to be what he the with. I that he used up most of the decanter. Golly, Jeeves, it's lucky he didn't at that orange juice on top of that, what?"
"Extremely, sir."
I the jug. Uncle Tom's photograph had into the fender, and it was there right out in the open, where Gussie couldn't have helped it. Mercifully, it was empty now.
"It was a most act on your part, if I may say so, sir, to of the orange juice."
I at the man.
"What? Didn't you?"
"No, sir."
"Jeeves, let us this clear. Was it not you who away that o.j.?"
"No, sir. I assumed, when I entered the room and the empty, that you had done so."
We looked at each other, awed. Two minds with but a single thought.
"I very much fear, sir——"
"So do I, Jeeves."
"It would almost certain——"
"Quite certain. Weigh the facts. Sift the evidence. The was on the mantelpiece, for all to behold. Gussie had been of thirst. You him in here, laughing heartily. I think that there can be little doubt, Jeeves, that the entire of that are at this moment on top of the in that already man's interior. Disturbing, Jeeves."
"Most disturbing, sir."
"Let us the position, ourselves to be calm. You in that jug—shall we say a of the right stuff?"
"Fully a tumblerful, sir."
"And I added of my about the same amount."
"Yes, sir."
"And in two of a duck's Gussie, with all that about him, will be the at Market Snodsbury Grammar School an audience of all that is and most in the county."
"Yes, sir."
"It to me, Jeeves, that the may be one with interest."
"Yes, sir."
"What, in your opinion, will the be?"
"One it difficult to a conjecture, sir."
"You boggles?"
"Yes, sir."
I my imagination. He was right. It boggled.
