I Don't know why it is, but there's something about the after dark that always has a on me. In London I can out till all hours and come home with the milk without a tremor, but put me in the garden of a country house after the of the company has gone to and the place is up, and a of goose-fleshy over me. The night wind the tree-tops, crack, rustle, and I know where I am, the has gone and I'm the family to come up me, making noises. Dashed unpleasant, the whole thing, and if you think it to know that you are about to ring the fire in England and start an all-hands-to-the-pumps panic in that quiet, house, you err.
I all about the Brinkley Court fire bell. The of a it makes. Uncle Tom, in to not burglars, is a who has always to the idea of being in his sleep, so when he the place he saw to it that the fire should be something that might give you failure, but which you couldn't possibly mistake for the of a in the ivy.
When I was a kid and my at Brinkley, we used to have fire after time, and many is the night I've had it me out of the like the Last Trump.
I that the of what this do when it to it gave me pause as I that night at 12.30 p.m. the where it was located. The of the rope against the and the of the which was about to the peace of the night into to that to which I have alluded.
Moreover, now that I had had time to upon it, I was more than about this of Jeeves's.
Jeeves to take it for that Gussie and Tuppy, with a fate, would have no saving the Bassett and Angela.
I not myself to his sunny confidence.
I to say, I know how moments when they're with a affect chaps. I Freddie Widgeon, one of the most in the Drones, telling me how there was an of fire once at a hotel where he was and, so from about saving women, he was the ten of the kick-off, his mind with but one thing—viz., the personal well-being of F. Widgeon.
As as any idea of doing the a of good went, he tells me, he was prepared to and catch them in blankets, but no more.
Why, then, should this not be so with Augustus Fink-Nottle and Hildebrand Glossop?
Such were my as I with the rope, and I I should have the whole thing up, had it not been that at this there into my mind a picture of the Bassett that for the time. Coming as a new experience, it would her into a decline.
And so was this that I waited no longer, but the rope, the and into it.
Well, as I say, I hadn't been that to up to any great extent. Nor did it. The last time I had it, I had been in my room on the other of the house, and so it had me out of as if something had under me. Standing close to it like this, I got the full and meaning of the thing, and I've anything like it in my puff.
I a of noise, as a rule. I Cats-meat Potter-Pirbright a police into the Drones one night and it off my chair, and I just and closed my with a smile, like someone in a box at the opera. And the same to the time when my Aunt Agatha's son, Thos., put a match to the parcel of Guy Fawkes Day to see what would happen.
But the Brinkley Court fire was too much for me. I gave about a dozen tugs, and then, that was enough, to the lawn to what solid results had been achieved.
Brinkley Court had of its best. A told me that we were playing to capacity. The eye, to and fro, noted here Uncle Tom in a gown, there Aunt Dahlia in the old and yellow. It also upon Anatole, Tuppy, Gussie, Angela, the Bassett and Jeeves, in the order named. There they all were, present and correct.
But—and this was what me concern—I no that there had been any work going on.
What I had been hoping, of course, was to see Tuppy over Angela in one corner, while Gussie the Bassett with a in the other. Instead of which, the Bassett was one of the group which Aunt Dahlia and Uncle Tom and to be trying to make Anatole see the side, while Angela and Gussie were, respectively, against the with a look and on the a shin. Tuppy was walking up and the path, all by himself.
A picture, you will admit. It was with a that I Jeeves to my side.
"Well, Jeeves?"
"Sir?"
I him sternly. "Sir?" forsooth!
"It's no good saying 'Sir?' Jeeves. Look you. See for yourself. Your has proved a bust."
"Certainly it would appear that have not themselves as we anticipated, sir."
"We?"
"As I had anticipated, sir."
"That's more like it. Didn't I tell you it would be a flop?"
"I that you did dubious, sir."
"Dubious is no word for it, Jeeves. I hadn't a of in the idea from the start. When you it, I said it was rotten, and I was right. I'm not you, Jeeves. It is not your fault that you have your brain. But after this—forgive me if I your feelings, Jeeves——I shall know than to allow you to any but the and most problems. It is best to be about this, don't you think? Kindest to be and straightforward?"
"Certainly, sir."
"I mean, the surgeon's knife, what?"
"Precisely, sir."
"I consider——"
"If you will me for you, sir, I Mrs. Travers is to your attention."
And at this moment a "Hoy!" which have only from the relative in question, me that his view was correct.
"Just step this way a moment, Attila, if you don't mind," that well-known—and under conditions, well-loved—voice, and I moved over.
I was not at my ease. For the time it was to upon me that I had not prepared a good in support of my in fire at such an hour, and I have Aunt Dahlia to herself with a upon smaller provocation.
She exhibited, however, no of violence. More a of calm, if you know what I mean. You see that she was a woman who had suffered.
"Well, Bertie, dear," she said, "here we all are."
"Quite," I guardedly.
"Nobody missing, is there?"
"I don't think so."
"Splendid. So much for us out in the open like this than in bed. I had just off when you did your bell-ringing act. For it was you, my sweet child, who that bell, was it not?"
"I did ring the bell, yes."
"Any particular reason, or just a whim?"
"I there was a fire."
"What gave you that impression, dear?"
"I I saw flames."
"Where, darling? Tell Aunt Dahlia."
"In one of the windows."
"I see. So we have all been out of and you have been things."
Here Uncle Tom a noise like a out of a bottle, and Anatole, had a new low, said something about "some apes" and, if I am not mistaken, a "rogommier"—whatever that is.
"I admit I was mistaken. I am sorry."
"Don't apologize, ducky. Can't you see how pleased we all are? What were you doing out here, anyway?"
"Just taking a stroll."
"I see. And are you to continue your stroll?"
"No, I think I'll go in now."
"That's fine. Because I was of going in, too, and I don't I sleep you were out here to that powerful of yours. The next thing that would would be that you would think you saw a pink elephant on the drawing-room window-sill and start at it.... Well, come on, Tom, the to be over.... But wait. The king a word with us.... Yes, Mr. Fink-Nottle?"
Gussie, as he joined our little group, about something.
"I say!"
"Say on, Augustus."
"I say, what are we going to do?"
"Speaking for myself, I to return to bed."
"But the door's shut."
"What door?"
"The door. Somebody must have it."
"Then I shall open it."
"But it won't open."
"Then I shall try another door."
"But all the other doors are shut."
"What? Who them?"
"I don't know."
I a theory!
"The wind?"
Aunt Dahlia's met mine.
"Don't try me too high," she begged. "Not now, precious." And, indeed, as I spoke, it did me that the night was still.
Uncle Tom said we must in through a window. Aunt Dahlia a bit.
"How? Could Lloyd George do it, Winston do it, Baldwin do it? No. Not since you had those of yours put on."
"Well, well, well. God my soul, ring the bell, then."
"The fire bell?"
"The door bell."
"To what end, Thomas? There's nobody in the house. The are all at Kingham."
"But, it all, we can't stop out here all night."
"Can't we? You just watch us. There is nothing—literally nothing—which a country house party can't do with Attila here on the premises. Seppings took the back-door key with him. We must just ourselves till he comes back."
Tuppy a suggestion:
"Why not take out one of the and drive over to Kingham and the key from Seppings?"
It well. No question about that. For the time, a up Aunt Dahlia's face. Uncle Tom approvingly. Anatole said something in Provençal that complimentary. And I I on Angela's map a softening.
"A very excellent idea," said Aunt Dahlia. "One of the best. Nip to the at once."
After Tuppy had gone, some were said about his and resource, and there was a to him and Bertram. Painful for me, of course, but the didn't last long, for it couldn't have been more than five minutes he was with us again.
Tuppy perturbed.
"I say, it's all off."
"Why?"
"The is locked."
"Unlock it."
"I haven't the key."
"Shout, then, and wake Waterbury."
"Who's Waterbury?"
"The chauffeur, ass. He over the garage."
"But he's gone to the at Kingham."
It was the final wallop. Until this moment, Aunt Dahlia had been able to her calm. The now burst. The years rolled away from her, and she was once more the Dahlia Wooster of the old yoicks-and-tantivy days—the emotional, free-speaking girl who had so often in her to at people who were hounds.
"Curse all dancing chauffeurs! What on earth a want to for? I that man from the start. Something told me he was a dancer. Well, this it. We're out here till breakfast-time. If those come eight o'clock, I shall be surprised. You won't Seppings away from a till you him out. I know him. The jazz'll go to his head, and he'll and till his hands blister. Damn all dancing butlers! What is Brinkley Court? A English country house or a dancing school? One might as well be in the middle of the Russian Ballet. Well, all right. If we must out here, we must. We shall all be stiff, except"—here she at me not one of her glances——"except dear old Attila, who is, I observe, well and clad. We will ourselves to the of to death like the Babes in the Wood, a wish that our old Attila will see that we are with leaves. No he will also that fire of his as a mark of respect—And what might you want, my good man?"
She off, and at Jeeves. During the of her address, he had been by in a manner, to catch the speaker's eye.
"If I might make a suggestion, madam."
I am not saying that in the of our long I have always myself able to view Jeeves with approval. There are of his which have to us. He is one of those who, if you give them a thingummy, take a what-d'you-call-it. His work is often raw, and he has been to to me as "mentally negligible". More than once, as I have shown, it has been my painful to in him a to and the master as a or peon.
These are defects.
But one thing I have failed to hand the man. He is magnetic. There is about him something that to and hypnotize. To the best of my knowledge, he has a rhinoceros, but should this occur, I have no that the animal, meeting his eye, would check itself in mid-stride, roll over and with its in the air.
At any he Aunt Dahlia, the nearest thing to a rhinoceros, in under five seconds. He just there looking respectful, and though I didn't time the thing—not having a stop-watch on me—I should say it wasn't more than three and a her whole manner an for the better. She melted one's eyes.
"Jeeves! You haven't got an idea?"
"Yes, madam."
"That great brain of yours has as in the hour of need?"
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves," said Aunt Dahlia in a voice, "I am sorry I spoke so abruptly. I was not myself. I might have that you would not come trying to make conversation. Tell us this idea of yours, Jeeves. Join our little group of and let us what you have to say. Make at home, Jeeves, and give us the good word. Can you us out of this mess?"
"Yes, madam, if one of the would be to a bicycle."
"A bicycle?"
"There is a in the gardener's in the garden, madam. Possibly one of the might to over to Kingham Manor and the back-door key from Mr. Seppings."
"Splendid, Jeeves!"
"Thank you, madam."
"Wonderful!"
"Thank you, madam."
"Attila!" said Aunt Dahlia, and speaking in a quiet, manner.
I had been it. From the very moment those ill-judged had passed the fellow's lips, I had had a that a would be to elect me as the goat, and I myself to and obstruct.
And as I was about to do so, while I was in the very act of up all my to that I didn't know how to a and couldn't possibly learn in the time at my disposal, I'm if the man didn't go and me in the bud.
"Yes, madam, Mr. Wooster would perform the admirably. He is an expert cyclist. He has often to me of his on the wheel."
I hadn't. I hadn't done anything of the sort. It's how one's twisted. All I had done was to mention to him—casually, just as an item of information, one day in New York when we were the six-day race—that at the age of fourteen, while my with a of who had been told off to teach me Latin, I had the Choir Boys' Handicap at the local treat.
A different thing from of one's on the wheel.
I mean, he was a man of the world and must have that the of is of the hottest. And, if I'm not mistaken, I had told him that on the occasion to I had a start and that Willie Punting, the odds-on to the was to be a gift, had been to retire, to having his brother's machine without the brother, and the along just as the pistol and him one on the of the and taking it away from him, thus him a scratched-at-the-post non-starter. Yet, from the way he talked, you would have I was one of those in with all over them, up from time to time in the press on the occasion of their having from Hyde Park Corner to Glasgow in three under the hour, or it is.
And as if this were not enough, Tuppy had to his in.
"That's right," said Tuppy. "Bertie has always been a great cyclist. I at Oxford he used to take all his off on bump-supper nights and around the quad, songs. Jolly fast he used to go too."
"Then he can go fast now," said Aunt Dahlia with animation. "He can't go too fast for me. He may also sing songs, if he likes.... And if you wish to take your off, Bertie, my lamb, by all means do so. But or in the nude, or not songs, a move on."
I speech:
"But I haven't for years."
"Then it's high time you again."
"I've how to ride."
"You'll soon the after you've taken a or two. Trial and error. The only way."
"But it's miles to Kingham."
"So the sooner you're off, the better."
"But——"
"Bertie, dear."
"But, it——"
"Bertie, darling."
"Yes, but it——"
"Bertie, my sweet."
And so it was arranged. Presently I was moving off through the darkness, Jeeves at my side, Aunt Dahlia calling after me something about trying to myself the man who the good news from Ghent to Aix. The I had of the chap.
"So, Jeeves," I said, as we the shed, and my voice was cold and bitter, "this is what your great has accomplished! Tuppy, Angela, Gussie and the Bassett not on speaking terms, and self with an eight-mile ride——"
"Nine, I believe, sir."
"—a nine-mile ride, and another nine-mile back."
"I am sorry, sir."
"No good being sorry now. Where is this bone-shaker?"
"I will it out, sir."
He did so. I it sourly.
"Where's the lamp?"
"I there is no lamp, sir."
"No lamp?"
"No, sir."
"But I may come a without a lamp. Suppose I into something."
I off and him frigidly.
"You smile, Jeeves. The you?"
"I your pardon, sir. I was of a my Uncle Cyril used to tell me as a child. An little story, sir, though I that I have always it droll. According to my Uncle Cyril, two men named Nicholls and Jackson set out to to Brighton on a bicycle, and were so as to come into with a brewer's van. And when the party on the of the accident, it was that they had been together with such that it was to them out at all adequately. The not which of the was Nicholls and which Jackson. So they as much as they could, and called it Nixon. I laughing very much at that when I was a child, sir."
I had to pause a moment to master my feelings.
"You did, eh?"
"Yes, sir."
"You it funny?"
"Yes, sir."
"And your Uncle Cyril it funny?"
"Yes, sir."
"Golly, what a family! Next time you meet your Uncle Cyril, Jeeves, you can tell him from me that his of is and unpleasant."
"He is dead, sir."
"Thank for that.... Well, give me the machine."
"Very good, sir."
"Are the inflated?"
"Yes, sir."
"The nuts firm, the in order, the true with the gear?"
"Yes, sir."
"Right ho, Jeeves."
In Tuppy's that, when at the University of Oxford, I had been to a in the about the of our college, there had been, I cannot deny, a amount of substance. Correct, however, though his were, so as they went, he had not told all. What he had to mention was that I had been well at the time, and when in that condition a is of at which in moments his would rebel.
Stimulated by the juice, I believe, men have been to alligators.
As I started now to out into the great world, I was sober, and the old skill, in consequence, had me entirely. I myself badly, and all the I had of came to me with a rush, by Jeeves's Uncle Cyril's little about Nicholls and Jackson.
Pounding through the darkness, I myself at a to the of men like Jeeves's Uncle Cyril. What on earth he see in a which had the complete of a creature—or, at any rate, of a and another creature—was more than I understand. To me, the thing was one of the most that had been to my attention, and I have no that I should have to over it for a time, had my not been by the of in order to avoid a pig in the fairway.
For a moment it looked like being Nicholls-and-Jackson stuff, but, fortunately, a quick on my part, with an on the part of the pig, me to win through, and I my safe, but with the like a bird.
The of this narrow upon me was to shake the nerve to the utmost. The that pigs were in the night to home to me the nature of my enterprise. It set me of all the other that to a man out and about on a without a lamp after lighting-up time. In particular, I the of a of mine that in of the were to across the road to the of their chains, about as a as one well wish.
He mentioned, I remember, the case of a friend of his machine got with a and who was seven miles—like in Switzerland—so that he was the same man again. And there was one who ran into an elephant, left over from a circus.
Indeed, taking it for all in all, it to me that, with the possible of being by sharks, there was no front-page that not to a fellow, once he had allowed his dear ones to his and him out into the great unknown on a push-bike, and I am not to that, taking it by and large, the amount of I did from this point on was considerable.
However, in respect to and elephants, I must say out well.
Oddly enough, I neither. But when you have said that you have said everything, for in every other way the have been fouler.
Apart from the of having to keep an for elephants, I myself much by barking dogs, and once I a most when, to a signpost, I saw on top of it an that looked like my Aunt Agatha. So agitated, indeed, had my of mind by this time that I at it was Aunt Agatha, and only when and told me how to her it would be to climb and on them, I myself together and overcome the weakness.
In short, what with all this added to the more purely physical in the and the and ankles, the Bertram Wooster who off at the door of Kingham Manor was a very different Bertram from the and of Bond Street and Piccadilly.
Even to one of the facts, it would have been that Kingham Manor was its weight about a tonight. Lights in the windows, music was in the air, and as I nearer my ear the of the of butlers, footmen, chauffeurs, parlourmaids, housemaids, and, I have no doubt, cooks, who were the measure. I you couldn't it up much than by saying that there was a of by night.
The was taking place in one of the ground-floor rooms which had French opening on to the drive, and it was to these French that I now my way. An was playing something with a good of to it, and under I say my would have started in time to the melody. But I had work me than to it by myself on drives.
I wanted that back-door key, and I wanted it instanter.
Scanning the within, I it difficult for a while to spot Seppings. Presently, however, he in view, doing in mid-floor. I "Hi-Seppings!"-ed a of times, but his mind was too much on his job to be diverted, and it was only when the of the had him of my that a quick one to the me to his attention.
The him to over his partner's feet, and it was with marked that he turned. As he Bertram, however, melted, to be replaced by astonishment.
"Mr. Wooster!"
I was in no mood for words.
"Less of the 'Mr. Wooster' and more back-door keys," I said curtly. "Give me the key of the door, Seppings."
He did not to the gist.
"The key of the door, sir?"
"Precisely. The Brinkley Court back-door key."
"But it is at the Court, sir."
I the tongue, annoyed.
"Don't be frivolous, my dear old butler," I said. "I haven't nine miles on a push-bike to to you trying to be funny. You've got it in your pocket."
"No, sir. I left it with Mr. Jeeves."
"You did—what?"
"Yes, sir. Before I came away. Mr. Jeeves said that he to walk in the garden retiring for the night. He was to place the key on the window-sill."
I at the man dumbly. His was clear, his hand steady. He had none of the of a who has had a couple.
"You that all this while the key has been in Jeeves's possession?"??
"Yes, sir."
I speak no more. Emotion had my voice. I was at a and not abreast; but of one thing, it to me, there be no doubt. For some reason, not to be now, but most to be gone well into as soon as I had pushed this sewing-machine of mine over those nine miles of lonely, country road and got of him, Jeeves had been doing the dirty. Knowing that at any moment he have solved the whole situation, he had Aunt Dahlia and others out on the lawn en déshabille and, still, had by and his set out on a eighteen-mile ride.
I such a thing of him. Of his Uncle Cyril, yes. With that of of his, Uncle Cyril might have been of such conduct. But that it should be Jeeves—
I into the and, the of which rose to the as the person touched the hard leather, set out on the journey.
