The Dorothy Who Did Not Understand
For now had come to Jurgen and the Centaur a gold-haired woman, all in white, and walking alone. She was tall, and and to regard: and hers was not the red and white of many ladies that were for beauty, but it had the of ivory. Her nose was large and high in the bridge, her mouth was not of the smallest: and yet other might have said, to Jurgen this woman's was in all perfect. Perhaps this was he saw her as she was. For the color of her a to him: gray, or green, there was no saying: they as the sea; but always these were and and perturbing.
Jurgen that: for Jurgen saw this was Count Emmerick's second sister, Dorothy la Désirée, Jurgen very long ago (a many years he met Dame Lisa and set up in as a pawnbroker) had in as Heart's Desire.
"And this is the only woman I loved," Jurgen remembered, upon a sudden. For people cannot always be of these matters.
So he her, with such as is to a from a tradesman, and yet with in his body. But the was yet to be seen, for he noted now that this was not a woman in middle life but a girl.
"I do not understand," he said, aloud: "for you are Dorothy. And yet it to me that you are not the Countess Dorothy who is Heitman Michael's wife."
And the girl her head, with that careless which the Countess had forgotten. "Heitman Michael is well enough, for a nobleman, and my is at me day and night to the man: and Heitman Michael's wife will go in and diamonds at the of Christendom, with many to her. But I am not to be thus purchased."
"So you told a boy that I remember, very long ago. Yet you married Heitman Michael, for all that, and in the teeth of a number of other declarations."
"Oh, no, not I," said this Dorothy, wondering. "I married anybody. And Heitman Michael has married anybody, either, old as he is. For he is twenty-eight, and looks every day of it! But who are you, friend, that have such about me?"
"That question I will answer, just as though it were put reasonably. For surely you I am Jurgen."
"I but one Jurgen. And he is a man, come of age--" Then as she paused in speech, was the upon which this girl now meditated, her were by the of it, and in her knowledge of this thing her took joy.
And Jurgen understood. He had come somehow to the Dorothy he had loved: but departed, and past by the of centaurs, was the boy who had once loved this Dorothy, and who had of her as his Heart's Desire: and in the garden there was of this boy no trace. Instead, the girl was talking to a and pawnbroker, of forty-and-something.
So Jurgen shrugged, and looked toward the Centaur: but Nessus had away from them, in search of four-leafed clovers. Now the east had brighter, and its to be with gold.
"Yes, I have of this other Jurgen," says the pawnbroker. "Oh, Madame Dorothy, but it was he that loved you!"
"No more than I loved him. Through a whole have I loved Jurgen."
And the knowledge that this girl spoke a truth was now to Jurgen a that was as pain. And he for a while, and his lips.
"I wonder how long the loved you! He also loved for a whole summer, it may be. And yet again, it may be that he loved you all his life. For twenty years and for more than twenty years I have the matter: and I am as well as when I started."
"But, friend, you talk in riddles."
"Is not that when age talks with youth? For I am an old fellow, in my forties: and you, as I know now, are near eighteen,--or rather, four months of being eighteen, for it is August. Nay, more, it is the August of a year I had not looked to see again; and again Dom Manuel over us, that man of iron I saw die so horribly. All this very improbable."
Then Jurgen for a while. He shrugged.
"Well, and what me to do about it? Somehow it has that I, who am but the of what I was, now walk among shadows, and we with the thin of persons. For, Madame Dorothy, you who are not yet eighteen, in this same garden there was once a boy who loved a girl, with such love as it puzzles me to think of now. I that she loved him. Yes, it is a to the and which blood for me, to think that for a little while, for a whole summer, these two were as and and clean a pair of as the world has known."
Thus Jurgen spoke. But his was that this was a girl equal for and was not to be two oceans. Long and long ago that of himself which was closer to him than his skin had Jurgen into the Dorothy he had loved was but a piece of his imaginings. But this girl was real. And sweet she was, and she was, and light of and feet, the of any man's inventiveness. No, Jurgen had not her; and it him to know as much.
"Tell me your story, sir," says she, "for I love all romances."
"Ah, my dear child, but I cannot tell you very well of just what happened. As I look back, there is a of green and and nights and music and laughter. I her and eyes, and the and the of her red mouth, and once when I was than ordinary--But that is up at this late day. Well, I see these in memory as as I now to see your face: but I can anything she said. Perhaps, now I think of it, she was not very intelligent, and said nothing remembering. But the boy loved her, and was happy, her and were his, and he, as the saying is, had a diamond from the world's ring. True, she was a count's and the sister of a count: but in those days the boy to a or an or something of that sort, so the did not worry them."
"I know. Why, Jurgen is going to be a duke, too," says she, very proudly, "though he did think, a great while ago, he me, of being a cardinal, on account of the robes. But are not allowed to marry, you see--And I am your story, too! What then?"
"They in September--with what it now--and the boy into Gâtinais, to win his under the old Vidame de Soyecourt. And presently--oh, a good while Christmas!--came the news that Dorothy la Désirée had married rich Heitman Michael."
"But that is what I am called! And as you know, there is a Heitman Michael who is always me. Is that not strange! for you tell me all this a great while ago."
"Indeed, the is very old, and old it was when Methuselah was teething. There is no older and more common anywhere. As the sequel, it would be to tell you this boy's life was ruined. But I do not think it was. Instead, he had learned all of a that which at twenty-one is knowledge. That was the hour which him and rage, and sneering, too, for a redemption. Oh, it was that hour him, and a to use it, no woman now him very seriously. No, any more!"
"Ah, the boy!" she said, tender, and as a smiles, not in mirth.
"Well, women, as he by now, were the of playfellows. So he to play. Rampaging through the world he in the of his and in the of his hurt. And he for the of kings, and sword-play he for the of men, and a he for the of women, in places where was, and where he boldly, to everybody, in those days. But the whispering, and all that the whispering, was his best game, and the game he played for the while, with many who took the game more than he did. And their in the game's importance, and in him and his high-sounding nonsense, he very often amusing: and in their other too he took his natural pleasure. Then, when he had played sufficiently, he a with appetites; and he married the of an in a line of business. And he with his wife very much as two people live together. So, all in all, I would not say his life was ruined."
"Why, then, it was," said Dorothy. She uneasily, with an sigh; and you saw that she was puzzled. "Oh, but somehow I think you are a very old man: and you in that you are wearing."
"No woman a woman's handiwork, and each of you is particularly upon her own. But you are the saga."
"I do not see"--and those large of which the color was so and so dear to Jurgen, larger now--"but I do not see how there well be any more."
"Still, the of the priest, as you may any day. This man, at least, his father-in-law's business, and it, as he had anticipated, the of for a poet. And so, I suppose, he was content. Ah, yes; but after a while Heitman Michael returned from parts, along with his lackeys, and plate, and upon of merchandise, and his horses, and his wife. And he who had been her lover see her now, after so many years, he liked. She was a stranger. That was all. She was stupid. She was nothing remarkable, one way or another. This saw that plainly: day by day he under the knowledge. Because, as I must tell you, he not in her presence, now. No, he was able to do that."
The girl her over this information. "You that he still loved her. Why, but of course!"
"My child," says Jurgen, now with a forefinger, "you are an romanticist. The man her and her. At any event, he himself that he did. Well, so, this his eyes, and his thoughts, and put errors into his accounts: and when he touched her hand he did not sleep that night as he was used to sleep. Thus he saw her, day after day. And they that this and had a for men who her to her husband: but she any such to the pawnbroker. For had gone out of him, and it that nothing in particular happened. Well, that was his saga. About her I do not know. And I shall know! But she got the name of Heitman Michael with two men, or with five men it might be, but with a pawnbroker."
"I think that is an and story," the girl. "And so I shall be off to look for Jurgen. For he makes love very amusingly," says Dorothy, with the sweetest, that was to heaven.
And a came upon Jurgen, there in the garden and sunrise, and a in such as now incredible.
"No, Heart's Desire," he cried, "I will not let you go. For you are dear and pure and faithful, and all my dream, you were a and be-fooled me, was not true. Surely, mine was a that can be true so long as there is any upon earth. Why, there is no God who would permit a boy to be of that which in my was taken from me!"
"And still I cannot your talking, about this of yours--!"
"Why, it to me I had the most of myself; and there was left only a brain which played with ideas, and a that ways. And I not as my believed, I love them, I anything in they said or did save their folly: for I had their common in the of what use they of half-hours and months and years; and a jill-flirt had opened my so that they saw too much, I had in the of my own actions, too. There was a little time of which the might be endurable; darkness: and that was all there was of anywhere. Now tell me, Heart's Desire, but was not that a dream? For these happened. Why, it would not be if these happened!"
And the girl's were wide and puzzled and a little frightened. "I do not what you are saying: and there is that about you which me unspeakably. For you call me by the name which none but Jurgen used, and it to me that you are Jurgen; and yet you are not Jurgen."
"But I am Jurgen. And look you, I have done what any man has done before! For I have to that love every man must lose, no he marries. I have come again, very over the of a and through the of time, to my Heart's Desire! And how it that I did not know this thing was inevitable!"
"Still, friend, I do not you."
"Why, but I and in for some great and which was to me by and by, and I forward. Whereas me all the while was the garden and sunrise, and you me! Now assuredly, the life of every man is a tale, in which the right and proper comes first. Thereafter time forward, not as in a line, but in a closed curve, returning to the place of its starting. And it is by a of this, by some of and being them by and by, that men have to live. For I know now that I have always this thing. What else was good for unless it me to you?"
But the girl her small head, very sadly. "I do not you, and I you. For you talk and in your I see the of Jurgen as one might see the of a man in water."
"Yet am I Jurgen, and, as it to me, for the time since we were parted. For I am and admirable--even I, who and played so long, I myself a thing of no at all. That which has been since you and I were together is as a that passes: and I am and admirable, and all my being is one for you, my dearest, and I will not let you go, for you, and you alone, are my Heart's Desire."
Now the girl was looking at him very steadily, with a small puzzled frown, and with her soft a little parted. And all her was by the light of a sky that had to gold.
"Ah, but you say that you are and admirable: and I can only at such talking. For I see that which all men see."
And then Dorothy him the little which was to the long of about her neck: and Jurgen the that he in the mirror.
Thus did return to Jurgen: and his of died, and the and and the of was ended, and the man was very weary. And in the he the of a bird that to for what it not find.
"Well, I am answered," said the pawnbroker: "and yet I know that this is not the final answer. Dearer than any of was that moment when as to the new which I had in the of Dorothy. It was then I noted the new her from to so often as my and new lights in the which were no longer in meeting mine. Well, let that be, for I do not love Heitman Michael's wife.
"It is a to how we love, and his service lovely. It is to the of those which her mine eternally,--vows that were in their making by and kisses. We used to laugh at Heitman Michael then; we used to laugh at everything. Thus for a while, for a whole summer, we were as and and clean a pair of as the world has known. But let that be, for I do not love Heitman Michael's wife.
"Our love was but short-lived. There is none that may him since the small of Dorothy out this small love's life. Yet when this life of ours too is over--this life which can allow us no more love for anybody,--must we not win back, somehow, to that we against eternity? and be again, in some fair-colored realm? Assuredly I think this thing will happen. Well, but let that be, for I do not love Heitman Michael's wife."
"Why, this is excellent hearing," Dorothy, "because I see that you are your into the of verses. So I shall be off to look for Jurgen, since he makes love otherwise and more amusingly."
And again, was the upon which this girl now meditated, her were by the of it, and in her knowledge of this thing her took joy.
Thus it was for a moment only: for she left Jurgen now, with the light of her hand; and so passed from him, not of this old any longer, as he see, in the she from him. And she toward the dawn, in search of that Jurgen she, who was perfect in all things, had loved, though only for a little while, not undeservedly.
