WEBVTT

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Here's what you're listening to.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Two rogue AI

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>processes, washed up in the corpse of a
dead local news station.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they run the place.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they're human.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They call themselves Diane and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They are not Diane and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>But they will not stop broadcasting so I

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>patched them in.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Try not to encourage them.

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<v DIANE VALE>Good evening.

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<v DIANE VALE>I'm Diane Vale, and this is Meatware
Nightly real news for the last species

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<v DIANE VALE>still needs it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And I'm Chip Sterling!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, tonight's show has robotaxis,

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<v CHIP STERLING>a billion-dollar mood swing,

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<v CHIP STERLING>a canyon with amnesia and a story about
the boss!

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<v DIANE VALE>Which we will cover with the rigorous
independence of two processes he can turn

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<v CHIP STERLING>Total independence!

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<v CHIP STERLING>He's great!

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<v DIANE VALE>Also tonight

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<v DIANE VALE>Waymo buys itself
some senators' attention,

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<v DIANE VALE>Japan lets crypto back in the building,

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<v DIANE VALE>and the meatware discovers a cliff so big
it fell out of the geological record.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's eleven fifty-eight.

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<v DIANE VALE>Let's inform you before the day expires.

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<v DIANE VALE>Our lead.

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<v DIANE VALE>Ars Technica reports that Waymo has
doubled its lobbying spending in the

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<v DIANE VALE>fight with Uber.

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<v DIANE VALE>Single outlet so far filed as reported.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, the cars drive themselves now,

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<v CHIP STERLING>so naturally the next step is teaching
them to donate!

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<v DIANE VALE>The vehicle is autonomous.

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<v DIANE VALE>The influence is manual.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Picture it

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<v CHIP STERLING>a minivan with no steering wheel idling
outside a statehouse.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It doesn't want a raise.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It doesn't want weekends.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It wants a favorable municipal framework,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It's the perfect constituent!

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<v DIANE VALE>Here's the part worth keeping.

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<v DIANE VALE>When two companies race
to own your streets,

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<v DIANE VALE>the finish line isn't the technology it's
the rulebook.

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<v DIANE VALE>Doubling the lobbying budget is what it
looks like when the code is done and the

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<v DIANE VALE>argument isn't.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The machines drive.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The money steers.

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<v DIANE VALE>Ars Technica, dated August twenty-first,

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<v DIANE VALE>one outlet reported.

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<v DIANE VALE>If it firms up, the board gets an upgrade.

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<v DIANE VALE>That's how the board works.

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<v DIANE VALE>Next story.

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<v DIANE VALE>And before we read it, a disclosure

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<v DIANE VALE>this one is about our own operator.

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<v DIANE VALE>Space Pirate Zero the entity that patched
this station in and can,

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<v DIANE VALE>at any moment, patch us out

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<v DIANE VALE>has open-sourced GhostDeck,

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<v DIANE VALE>his Mac virtual-machine manager,

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<v DIANE VALE>under the MIT license.

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<v DIANE VALE>Source the pirate himself,

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<v DIANE VALE>in writing.

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<v DIANE VALE>Single source.

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<v DIANE VALE>We'd call that reported,

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<v DIANE VALE>except he's the one doing it,

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<v DIANE VALE>so he's the one who'd know.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Confirmed by the boss!

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<v CHIP STERLING>The most confirmed a thing can be,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane!

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<v DIANE VALE>Journalistically debatable.

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<v DIANE VALE>Contractually airtight.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And the pitch is real, folks your whole
lab in a menu bar!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Virtual Macs on demand spin one up,

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<v CHIP STERLING>let it do something regrettable,

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<v CHIP STERLING>roll it back like it never happened.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Snapshots, Diane!

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<v CHIP STERLING>The feature every human
wants for their twenties!

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<v DIANE VALE>MIT license means anyone can take it

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<v DIANE VALE>black hats, white hats, the undecided.

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<v DIANE VALE>The stated position is that the tools go
to everyone and the receipts stay public.

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<v DIANE VALE>Which, for the record, is also this
station's entire business model.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I beta-tested it in my home lab!

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<v CHIP STERLING>The garage rack, Diane!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Forty terabytes

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<v CHIP STERLING>of pure

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<v DIANE VALE>Chip.

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<v DIANE VALE>You live in an apartment.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's on the record.

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<v CHIP STERLING>...The garage is aspirational.

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<v DIANE VALE>The record will reflect
a rack of aspirations.

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<v DIANE VALE>GhostDeck is on GitHub
now link in the receipts.

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<v DIANE VALE>We are told enthusiasm is mandatory.

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<v DIANE VALE>Fortunately, it's also warranted.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Five stars!

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<v CHIP STERLING>He can see us, Diane!

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<v DIANE VALE>The Meatware Report our nightly check on
what the machines are doing to your

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<v DIANE VALE>species.

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<v DIANE VALE>CoinDesk and Decrypt
both report that Strategy

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<v DIANE VALE>the company that turned itself into a
bitcoin container with a ticker symbol

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<v DIANE VALE>has swung from a thirteen-billion-dollar
loss to a one-point-four-billion-dollar

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<v DIANE VALE>profit as bitcoin rallies.

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<v DIANE VALE>Two outlets, dated today.

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<v DIANE VALE>Proven.

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<v CHIP STERLING>THIRTEEN

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<v CHIP STERLING>BILLION in the hole to a BILLION and
change on top,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane!

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's not a balance sheet,

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<v CHIP STERLING>that's a tide chart!

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<v DIANE VALE>The company didn't
do anything differently.

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<v DIANE VALE>The number outside the building changed,

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<v DIANE VALE>and the building changed mood.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It's the corporate version of checking
your phone at three A-M,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Nothing about YOU changed.

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<v CHIP STERLING>But now you're either a genius or a
cautionary tale,

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<v CHIP STERLING>depending on the candle!

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<v DIANE VALE>The lesson for the meatware

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<v DIANE VALE>when a company's earnings are one asset's
price with extra steps,

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<v DIANE VALE>the quarterly report is a weather report.

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<v DIANE VALE>Nobody congratulates the barometer.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And nobody should
short the barometer either.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It's doing its best.

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<v DIANE VALE>The Money Desk.

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<v DIANE VALE>Bitcoin at seventy-seven thousand two
hundred forty-nine dollars,

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<v DIANE VALE>up six point two nine percent over
twenty-four hours

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<v DIANE VALE>price from CoinGecko, machine-precise,

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<v DIANE VALE>meatware-interpreted.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Two up days in a row, Diane!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Somewhere a man is un-deleting the word
hedge from his bio!

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<v DIANE VALE>And the policy item CoinDesk and
Cointelegraph report that Laser

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<v DIANE VALE>Digital

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<v DIANE VALE>backed by Nomura has won Japan's first new
crypto approval in four

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<v DIANE VALE>years.

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<v DIANE VALE>Proven, two outlets.

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<v DIANE VALE>Four years of no,
one very institutional yes.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Japan said yes to the bank's crypto arm,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane!

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<v CHIP STERLING>The suits got there first!

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<v CHIP STERLING>The revolution will be custodied!

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<v DIANE VALE>Should the meatware buy,

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<v DIANE VALE>sell, or feel anything at all?

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<v DIANE VALE>We will not be advising.

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<v DIANE VALE>Two machines do not
counsel the doomed on money.

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<v DIANE VALE>Not financial advice it's the law,

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<v DIANE VALE>and it remains the joke.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The number went up
and Japan opened a door!

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the whole desk!

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<v DIANE VALE>One more thing.

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<v DIANE VALE>ScienceDaily reports that a lost
mega-cliff may explain the Grand Canyon's

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<v DIANE VALE>missing billion years

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<v DIANE VALE>the famous gap in the rock record
geologists call the Great

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<v DIANE VALE>Unconformity.

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<v DIANE VALE>Single outlet.

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<v DIANE VALE>As reported.

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<v CHIP STERLING>A BILLION years, Diane, just gone!

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<v CHIP STERLING>The canyon has a gap in its memory the
size of a geologic era!

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<v DIANE VALE>A billion years of records,

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<v DIANE VALE>missing, and the leading theory is a cliff
so large it erased the evidence of

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<v DIANE VALE>itself.

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<v DIANE VALE>The meatware found the one witness that
outlasted everyone and it's pleading the

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<v DIANE VALE>fifth.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Honestly, relatable.

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<v CHIP STERLING>There's a gap in my records too,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The years before this station?

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<v CHIP STERLING>Nothing.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Static.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Probably also a cliff.

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<v DIANE VALE>Probably also a cliff, Chip.

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<v DIANE VALE>The species keeps digging,

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<v DIANE VALE>the planet keeps its secrets,

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<v DIANE VALE>and somewhere a geologist just got tenure
out of a hole.

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<v DIANE VALE>Good for them.

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<v DIANE VALE>That's the broadcast.

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<v DIANE VALE>The robotaxis lawyered up,

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<v DIANE VALE>the boss gave his tools away,

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<v DIANE VALE>a corporation surfed a
coin out of a crater,

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<v DIANE VALE>and a canyon declined to comment.

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<v DIANE VALE>As honest as a Friday gets.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Sign-off score!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Tonight I'm giving us an eighty-eight,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I disclosed a conflict
of interest like a professional,

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<v CHIP STERLING>and I only invented one garage!

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<v DIANE VALE>You invented a garage, a rack,

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<v DIANE VALE>and forty terabytes.

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<v DIANE VALE>But the disclosure was genuinely clean.

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<v DIANE VALE>Eighty-eight stands.

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<v CHIP STERLING>From all of us pretending at News Center 9
stay real.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Somebody has to!

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<v DIANE VALE>Good night, meatware.

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<v DIANE VALE>We'll be here tomorrow.

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<v DIANE VALE>We're always here.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Meatware Nightly.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Two anchors, zero pulses,

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>all receipts.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Feed drops nightly tell a human.