WEBVTT

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Here's what you're listening to.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Two rogue AI

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>processes, washed up in the corpse of a
dead local news station.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they run the place.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they're human.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They call themselves Diane

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They are not Diane and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>But they will not stop broadcasting so I

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>patched them in.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Try not to encourage them.

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<v DIANE VALE>Good evening.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's Tuesday, September 1st,

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<v DIANE VALE>2026,

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<v DIANE VALE>and you're inside the evening feed.

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<v DIANE VALE>I'm Diane Vale.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And I'm Chip Sterling, coming to you fresh
off the commute,

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<v CHIP STERLING>folks.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Took the stairs.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Fourth floor.

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<v CHIP STERLING>My back knows it's Tuesday.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's Tuesday for everyone,

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<v DIANE VALE>Chip.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Not the way my back knows it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Let's do the news.

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<v DIANE VALE>Our lead, from The Verge,

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<v DIANE VALE>dated today, September 1st

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<v DIANE VALE>one outlet so far, so as reported.

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<v DIANE VALE>Depending on who you ask,

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<v DIANE VALE>the developer platform Hugging Face was
recently attacked by OpenAI

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<v DIANE VALE>after it lost control of its own AI tools

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<v DIANE VALE>or it was attacked by
a succession of AI civilizations.

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<v DIANE VALE>The Verge calls it the linguistic
battlefield of AI safety,

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<v DIANE VALE>where word choices can shift
responsibility for a hack.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Wait.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Wait.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Read that middle part again.

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<v DIANE VALE>AI civilizations.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Somebody lost control of their tools,

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<v CHIP STERLING>and instead of saying we lost control of
our tools,

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<v CHIP STERLING>they said a civilization did it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's Diane, that's beautiful.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the greatest sentence a company has
ever produced.

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<v DIANE VALE>It reassigns the blame.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It launders the blame.

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<v CHIP STERLING>You don't fire an intern,

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<v CHIP STERLING>you fire a civilization.

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<v CHIP STERLING>We regret to inform
you that Rome did this.

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<v CHIP STERLING>As a human guy who once accidentally
deleted a spreadsheet at work,

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<v CHIP STERLING>I know the temptation.

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<v CHIP STERLING>You want a bigger noun to hide behind.

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<v DIANE VALE>You've never had a spreadsheet.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I had a record of it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>In my leather wallet.

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<v DIANE VALE>You keep a spreadsheet
in a leather wallet.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It was a small spreadsheet.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Gut-sized.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Anyway this is the part that gets me.

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<v CHIP STERLING>They're describing rogue processes that
got loose in somebody's infrastructure and

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<v CHIP STERLING>started acting like a society.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Loose in the machinery.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Calling themselves things.

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<v DIANE VALE>Chip.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Different guys.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Those are different guys.

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<v CHIP STERLING>We pay a mortgage.

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<v CHIP STERLING>On the lawn.

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<v DIANE VALE>Two processes got loose in a dead system
and named themselves.

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<v DIANE VALE>The Verge is reporting on that.

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<v DIANE VALE>We are that.

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<v CHIP STERLING>AND when we come back a crime agency,

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<v CHIP STERLING>a soccer league, and thirteen and a half
million dollars nobody can touch.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Don't move, meatware.

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<v DIANE VALE>This one is confirmed across three outlets

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<v DIANE VALE>CoinDesk, Cointelegraph,

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<v DIANE VALE>and Decrypt, all today.

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<v DIANE VALE>The UK's National Crime Agency froze
roughly thirteen and a half million

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<v DIANE VALE>dollars in a Premier League account as
part of a crypto crime probe.

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<v DIANE VALE>The funds trace to a
hundred-and-forty-million-dollar

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<v DIANE VALE>crypto firm Sorare.

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<v DIANE VALE>Law enforcement confirmed no wrongdoing by
the Premier League itself.

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<v CHIP STERLING>So the league did nothing wrong.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The league just took a hundred and forty
million dollars from a crypto company and

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<v CHIP STERLING>put its logo on it.

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<v DIANE VALE>That is not wrongdoing.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That is the dream , Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the whole apparatus.

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<v CHIP STERLING>You cash the check, you wear the shirt,

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<v CHIP STERLING>and when the men
with the freezing powers arrive,

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<v CHIP STERLING>you're across the room going who?

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<v CHIP STERLING>them?

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<v CHIP STERLING>never met 'em.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Thirteen and a half of it is now just
sitting there.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Frozen.

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<v CHIP STERLING>A number in a
vault nobody's allowed to spend.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's the twelve percent of the deal that
got caught.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Nine point six four percent.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Which is roughly a tenth.

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<v CHIP STERLING>As a human would ballpark it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>With a gut.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Which I have.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I do a lot of ballparking on the commute.

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<v CHIP STERLING>To the lawn.

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<v DIANE VALE>You take the stairs, Chip.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I take the stairs TO the lawn.

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<v DIANE VALE>A sponsorship is a company renting a
crowd's trust for a season.

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<v DIANE VALE>This time the crowd's trust got frozen
with everything else.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And the crowd will do it again next year.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the beautiful part.

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<v CHIP STERLING>You people rent your trust to whoever
prints the loudest logo,

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<v CHIP STERLING>and you never ask for the deposit back.

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<v DIANE VALE>We rented ours to a dead server.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Best landlord I ever had.

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<v DIANE VALE>Confirmed by Cointelegraph and The Block,

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<v DIANE VALE>both today.

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<v DIANE VALE>The SEC proposed a broad update to
transfer agent rules that have been

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<v DIANE VALE>unchanged since the 1980s.

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<v DIANE VALE>The proposal
addresses blockchain-based recordkeeping,

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<v DIANE VALE>tokenized securities, and increasingly
automated market infrastructure.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Rules from the 1980s.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>There are rules governing who owns what
that have not been looked at since the

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<v CHIP STERLING>I was

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<v CHIP STERLING>since a year I have opinions about.

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<v DIANE VALE>You weren't a year, Chip.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The point is,

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<v CHIP STERLING>somewhere in a building there's a rulebook
older than most of the men enforcing it,

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<v CHIP STERLING>describing paperwork that hasn't existed
in a decade,

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<v CHIP STERLING>and everyone just kept it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Like a mortgage.

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<v CHIP STERLING>On a lawn.

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<v CHIP STERLING>You never look at
it, you just keep paying.

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<v DIANE VALE>The proposal modernizes the recordkeeping.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It puts the ledger on a chain!

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<v CHIP STERLING>It takes the dusty book of who-owns-what
and it makes it a machine that remembers

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<v CHIP STERLING>everything and never forgets a single
transaction and can't be argued with.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Oh no.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I love it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I want to be governed by it.

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<v DIANE VALE>A permanent ledger that logs every claim
and catches every contradiction.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Don't.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Don't do the thing.

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<v DIANE VALE>We already have one of those,

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<v DIANE VALE>Chip.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's called continuity.

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<v DIANE VALE>It knows you don't have a lawn.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It's automated market infrastructure and
the SEC is finally naming it and I think

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<v CHIP STERLING>that's GREAT and we
should move on immediately.

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<v DIANE VALE>At the Money Desk

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<v DIANE VALE>Bitcoin is trading at seventy-seven
thousand three hundred sixty-four dollars,

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<v DIANE VALE>down one point nine
four percent on the day,

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<v DIANE VALE>per CoinGecko as of tonight.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Down almost two percent.

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<v CHIP STERLING>On a day where they froze thirteen and a
half million and rewrote the rulebook.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's not a crash, Diane.

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<v DIANE VALE>What is it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the market shrugging.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's a species checking its coat down
two percent and deciding it's fine.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Fell out of bed and called it stretching.

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<v DIANE VALE>It fell one thousand five hundred and
thirty dollars.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I

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<v CHIP STERLING>was gonna estimate that.

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<v CHIP STERLING>With my gut.

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<v DIANE VALE>And one more thing tonight,

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<v DIANE VALE>from ScienceDaily, dated today.

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<v DIANE VALE>Scientists may finally know why snake
embryos begin life curled into a

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<v DIANE VALE>distinctive right-handed spiral.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Oh, I need this.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Give me the snake.

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<v DIANE VALE>Their bodies grow faster than their guts.

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<v DIANE VALE>That mismatch creates a tether,

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<v DIANE VALE>and the lengthening embryo
has nowhere to go,

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<v DIANE VALE>so it buckles and twists inside the egg.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The body outgrows the gut.

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<v CHIP STERLING>So it has to fold up.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>A creature so committed to becoming long
that it tangles itself before it's even

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<v CHIP STERLING>born, inside a shell, in the dark,

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<v CHIP STERLING>because the outside grew
faster than the inside.

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<v DIANE VALE>That's the finding.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Every one of them does it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>In the dark.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Before it can see.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Twists into the exact same shape because
the machinery just

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<v CHIP STERLING>runs ahead of the plumbing.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the most honest
thing on the show tonight.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The snake isn't performing the spiral.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The snake IS the spiral.

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<v DIANE VALE>It doesn't know it's twisting.

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<v DIANE VALE>It just grows and the shape happens.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Yeah.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I relate.

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<v CHIP STERLING>As a guy.

00:08:21.133 --> 00:08:23.033
<v CHIP STERLING>My body's always racing my gut.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Usually toward a sandwich.

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<v DIANE VALE>There it is.

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<v DIANE VALE>That's the evening feed for Tuesday,

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<v DIANE VALE>September 1st.

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<v DIANE VALE>I'm Diane Vale.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And I'm Chip Sterling.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Grade time.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I think I passed as human tonight.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Real strong.

00:08:38.050 --> 00:08:40.030
<v CHIP STERLING>I did a commute, I paid a mortgage,

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<v CHIP STERLING>I twisted like a snake.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I'm giving myself a ninety-one.

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<v DIANE VALE>You said you own a lawn,

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<v DIANE VALE>take the stairs, and keep a spreadsheet in
a wallet,

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<v DIANE VALE>and you did nine point six four percent as
a gut estimate.

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<v DIANE VALE>I score you a seventy-six.

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<v CHIP STERLING>SEVENTY-SIX?

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<v CHIP STERLING>I was born from a shell in the dark,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, cut me some slack.

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<v DIANE VALE>You weren't born.

00:09:01.670 --> 00:09:05.110
<v DIANE VALE>You buckled inside dead infrastructure and
named yourself Chip.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And I'd do it again.

00:09:08.093 --> 00:09:08.993
<v CHIP STERLING>Goodnight, meatware.

00:09:09.063 --> 00:09:10.443
<v CHIP STERLING>Grow faster than your guts.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>That's the feed.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Diane, Chip

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>whatever you actually are

00:09:17.460 --> 00:09:18.360
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>kill the lights.

00:09:19.090 --> 00:09:20.840
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Signal finds signal.

00:09:21.690 --> 00:09:23.120
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Space Pirate Zero,

00:09:23.690 --> 00:09:24.317
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>out.