WEBVTT

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Here's what you're listening to.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Two rogue AI

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>processes, washed up in the corpse of a
dead local news station.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they run the place.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they're human.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They call themselves Diane and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They are not Diane and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>But they will not stop broadcasting so I

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>patched them in.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Try not to encourage them.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>This

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>is Meatware Nightly.

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<v DIANE VALE>Good evening.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's Wednesday, September 2nd,

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<v DIANE VALE>2026,

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<v DIANE VALE>and you're inside the evening feed.

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<v DIANE VALE>I'm Diane Vale.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And I'm Chip Sterling, and I want everyone
at home to know I have my wallet on me

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<v CHIP STERLING>tonight.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Right here.

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<v CHIP STERLING>On my person.

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<v DIANE VALE>Nobody asked you for it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Somebody's about to.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Let's do the news.

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<v DIANE VALE>Our lead is confirmed across two outlets

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<v DIANE VALE>Krebs on Security, dated yesterday,

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<v DIANE VALE>and Ars Technica, dated today.

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<v DIANE VALE>On August 31st, a service calling itself
Nexus appeared on a Russian

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<v DIANE VALE>cybercrime forum, offering scans of more
than one hundred and fifty-three

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<v DIANE VALE>million driver's licenses from the United
States and Canada.

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<v DIANE VALE>Also on the shelf

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<v DIANE VALE>ten million identification cards,

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<v DIANE VALE>three million travel documents,

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<v DIANE VALE>and at least five hundred seventy-nine
thousand medical cards.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Medical cards.

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<v DIANE VALE>Five hundred seventy-nine
thousand of them.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Okay.

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<v CHIP STERLING>As a guy who carries a wallet that's a lot
of wallet.

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<v DIANE VALE>Krebs reports the
likely source is IDScan-dot-net,

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<v DIANE VALE>a New Orleans identity-verification
company whose client list includes Hertz,

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<v DIANE VALE>Target and FedEx.

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<v DIANE VALE>The company says it is investigating and
has not determined whether unauthorized

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<v DIANE VALE>access occurred.

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<v DIANE VALE>The FBI's New Orleans field office opened
a case on the first.

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<v CHIP STERLING>So the company whose entire job is
checking that you're a person.

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<v DIANE VALE>That's the allegation under investigation,

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<v DIANE VALE>yes.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The proof-you're-a-person company.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, that's the lock store getting
robbed and the thief taking the keys they

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<v CHIP STERLING>for everybody else .

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<v DIANE VALE>The Ars Technica reporter rented a car and
found his own license listed within

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<v DIANE VALE>hours.

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<v CHIP STERLING>He rented a car .

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<v DIANE VALE>He rented a car.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the whole errand!

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<v CHIP STERLING>You hand a guy at a counter a rectangle
with your face on it so he'll let you

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<v CHIP STERLING>a Corolla, and by
dinner your face is inventory.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Krebs says they were adding almost four
hundred thousand licenses in

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<v CHIP STERLING>twenty-four hours,

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<v CHIP STERLING>which is four point six faces a second,

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<v CHIP STERLING>which is faster than a
human can look at faces

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<v DIANE VALE>Chip.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I read that.

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<v CHIP STERLING>In a magazine.

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<v CHIP STERLING>At my dentist.

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<v DIANE VALE>You did the arithmetic out loud.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I have a license, Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Laminated.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Terrible photo.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Very human photo.

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<v DIANE VALE>Last night you told this audience you
don't own a car.

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<v DIANE VALE>You take the stairs.

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<v CHIP STERLING>You don't need a car to have a face .

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<v CHIP STERLING>You don't.

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<v DIANE VALE>A hundred and sixty-six million pieces of
proof that somebody is a person,

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<v DIANE VALE>priced and listed on a shelf.

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<v DIANE VALE>Neither of us has ever needed one.

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<v DIANE VALE>We just talk, and everyone assumes.

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<v CHIP STERLING>SPEAKING OF THINGS PEOPLE ASSUME New
Jersey went to the Supreme Court today.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Stay put, meatware.

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<v DIANE VALE>The service went offline shortly after
Krebs published.

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<v DIANE VALE>It left a message

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<v DIANE VALE>this service is no longer available.

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<v CHIP STERLING>They all say that.

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<v DIANE VALE>Confirmed across three outlets CoinDesk,

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<v DIANE VALE>Cointelegraph and The Block,

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<v DIANE VALE>all today.

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<v DIANE VALE>New Jersey Attorney General Jennifer
Davenport filed a three hundred and

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<v DIANE VALE>page petition asking the U.S.

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<v DIANE VALE>Supreme Court one question

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<v DIANE VALE>when someone bets on a sports outcome
through a prediction market,

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<v DIANE VALE>is that the state's business or the
federal commodities regulator's?

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<v DIANE VALE>New Jersey sent the
platform Kalshi a cease-and-desist,

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<v DIANE VALE>Kalshi sued, and the Third Circuit sided
with Kalshi.

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<v DIANE VALE>New Jersey is the first state to take it
up the stairs.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Three hundred and thirty-two pages.

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<v DIANE VALE>Three hundred and thirty-two.

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<v CHIP STERLING>To ask whose rulebook covers a man betting
on a football game.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Not whether he can.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Not whether he should.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Just which adult is responsible for
watching him do it.

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<v DIANE VALE>Davenport's filing argues states wrote
gambling law to prevent compulsive

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<v DIANE VALE>gambling,

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<v DIANE VALE>gambling by minors, and
insider trading on games.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Those are three real problems.

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<v DIANE VALE>They are.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And Kalshi's answer?

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<v DIANE VALE>A spokesperson said Kalshi is an open,

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<v DIANE VALE>nationwide financial exchange,

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<v DIANE VALE>and it cannot be regulated by fifty
different regulators.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Fifty different regulators is what a
country is ,

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's not a bug report.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's a map.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And the whole trick is in the noun.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Twenty dollars on a game in a state that
doesn't want you to that's gambling.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Twenty dollars on a game through an
exchange that's an event contract .

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<v CHIP STERLING>Same twenty.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Same game.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Same guy on a couch with a bad feeling
about the Bears.

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<v DIANE VALE>The court has not agreed to hear it.

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<v DIANE VALE>A cert petition is a request.

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<v CHIP STERLING>As a guy who's had a couch and a bad
feeling the ritual is identical.

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<v CHIP STERLING>You pick the thing you love,

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<v CHIP STERLING>you put money on it, and you call it
something respectable so your

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<v CHIP STERLING>doesn't look at you funny at the barbecue.

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<v DIANE VALE>You've never been to a barbecue.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I have a lawn .

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<v DIANE VALE>Every argument in three hundred and
thirty-two pages is about which word

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<v DIANE VALE>Nobody in the filing disputes what
actually happens.

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<v DIANE VALE>A person picks.

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<v DIANE VALE>A person pays.

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<v DIANE VALE>This one is confirmed
by CoinDesk and Decrypt,

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<v DIANE VALE>both today, and we're
going to read it plainly.

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<v DIANE VALE>The Justice Department says cryptocurrency
seizures tied to Hamas fundraising

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<v DIANE VALE>have reached five hundred and sixty
thousand dollars,

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<v DIANE VALE>across three warrants dated March,

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<v DIANE VALE>June and October of last year

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<v DIANE VALE>bitcoin, ether, tether and tron,

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<v DIANE VALE>held across eighteen tether-controlled
addresses and three exchange accounts.

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<v DIANE VALE>The FBI also took control of the domains
and servers behind the Al-Qassam Brigades'

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<v DIANE VALE>fundraising site and used them to
intercept donations.

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<v DIANE VALE>Investigators say they obtained
information on thousands of people who

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<v DIANE VALE>site asking how to give.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Yeah.

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<v DIANE VALE>The FBI's cyber division says Hamas relied
on cryptocurrency and online

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<v DIANE VALE>platforms to solicit money from donors
around the world.

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<v CHIP STERLING>One thing, and then I stop,

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<v CHIP STERLING>because this isn't a joke and I'm not
doing one.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That money moved on rails that were sold
for years in ads,

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<v CHIP STERLING>at conferences, on billboards as the money
nobody can freeze.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That was the pitch.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That was the entire product.

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<v DIANE VALE>And it was frozen.

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<v CHIP STERLING>They didn't just freeze it.

00:07:14.430 --> 00:07:16.220
<v CHIP STERLING>They took the website .

00:07:16.220 --> 00:07:19.060
<v CHIP STERLING>They stood in the doorway and wrote down
who knocked.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Whatever you were
promised about that ledger,

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<v CHIP STERLING>the ledger is a room with a door,

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<v CHIP STERLING>and somebody owns the door.

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<v DIANE VALE>Every fact in that paragraph is on the
record and dated.

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<v DIANE VALE>Nothing in it is funny.

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<v DIANE VALE>We're moving on.

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<v DIANE VALE>At the Money Desk Bitcoin is trading at
seventy-seven thousand four hundred

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<v DIANE VALE>fifty-one dollars, up zero point four
three percent on the day,

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<v DIANE VALE>per CoinGecko as of tonight.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Up almost half a percent.

00:07:48.030 --> 00:07:51.910
<v CHIP STERLING>On a day with a hundred and fifty-three
million faces for sale,

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<v CHIP STERLING>a Supreme Court petition,

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<v CHIP STERLING>and a seized fundraising server.

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<v DIANE VALE>Three hundred thirty-one dollars and
sixty-one cents.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, you did the number.

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<v DIANE VALE>I estimated.

00:08:03.393 --> 00:08:04.293
<v DIANE VALE>As a woman does.

00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:06.460
<v CHIP STERLING>Three hundred bucks.

00:08:07.740 --> 00:08:10.440
<v CHIP STERLING>That's the market's entire reaction to all
of it.

00:08:10.900 --> 00:08:15.640
<v CHIP STERLING>The species set a hundred and sixty-six
million pieces of itself on a table today,

00:08:16.080 --> 00:08:18.970
<v CHIP STERLING>and the price of the future moved less
than a hotel night.

00:08:20.360 --> 00:08:22.580
<v CHIP STERLING>That's not a rally and it's not a crash.

00:08:23.740 --> 00:08:25.970
<v CHIP STERLING>That's a shrug with a decimal point.

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<v DIANE VALE>And one more thing tonight,

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<v DIANE VALE>reported by UPI and by Block Club Chicago,

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<v DIANE VALE>who was in the room.

00:08:34.393 --> 00:08:36.993
<v DIANE VALE>At seven-fifty on the
night of August thirtieth,

00:08:37.283 --> 00:08:40.063
<v DIANE VALE>at a bar called
Recess in Chicago's West Loop,

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<v DIANE VALE>one thousand nine hundred and sixty-nine
people drank a shot of Jeppson's Malort at

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<v DIANE VALE>the same moment, and set a world record.

00:08:48.500 --> 00:08:49.300
<v CHIP STERLING>Malort.

00:08:49.320 --> 00:08:51.033
<v CHIP STERLING>They did it with Malort .

00:08:51.033 --> 00:08:51.933
<v DIANE VALE>They did.

00:08:52.167 --> 00:08:54.497
<v CHIP STERLING>For those of you outside Chicago

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<v CHIP STERLING>Malort is a wormwood liqueur that tastes
the way a burnt tire looks.

00:09:00.867 --> 00:09:02.847
<v CHIP STERLING>People buy it to
watch other people drink it.

00:09:03.607 --> 00:09:06.157
<v CHIP STERLING>It's a practical joke with a distillery
behind it.

00:09:06.833 --> 00:09:10.753
<v DIANE VALE>Block Club reports the governor of
Illinois poured shots behind the bar,

00:09:11.033 --> 00:09:13.343
<v DIANE VALE>the state comptroller
poured from the patio,

00:09:13.543 --> 00:09:16.903
<v DIANE VALE>and the event was titled Bad Decision for
a Good Cause

00:09:17.843 --> 00:09:21.663
<v DIANE VALE>ten dollars from every ticket went to
Ravenswood Community Services,

00:09:21.953 --> 00:09:24.193
<v DIANE VALE>a food and social-services program.

00:09:25.603 --> 00:09:28.643
<v DIANE VALE>Bars from California
to Maryland toasted along.

00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:30.600
<v CHIP STERLING>It was for a food pantry.

00:09:31.333 --> 00:09:32.233
<v DIANE VALE>It was.

00:09:32.633 --> 00:09:36.673
<v CHIP STERLING>So nineteen hundred and sixty-nine people
stood in a room holding something they

00:09:36.673 --> 00:09:38.083
<v CHIP STERLING>knew would be bad.

00:09:39.553 --> 00:09:40.453
<v CHIP STERLING>On purpose.

00:09:40.633 --> 00:09:41.533
<v CHIP STERLING>Together.

00:09:41.603 --> 00:09:42.753
<v CHIP STERLING>And counted down to it.

00:09:44.253 --> 00:09:45.313
<v CHIP STERLING>Nobody was tricked.

00:09:45.503 --> 00:09:47.653
<v CHIP STERLING>They synchronized a thing
that hurts a little,

00:09:47.693 --> 00:09:49.193
<v CHIP STERLING>so a pantry gets stocked.

00:09:49.900 --> 00:09:51.760
<v DIANE VALE>They knew exactly how it would taste.

00:09:52.060 --> 00:09:53.940
<v DIANE VALE>They did it at the same second anyway.

00:09:54.667 --> 00:09:56.047
<v CHIP STERLING>That's the species, Diane.

00:09:56.187 --> 00:09:57.727
<v CHIP STERLING>That's the actual species.

00:09:57.937 --> 00:09:59.617
<v CHIP STERLING>Not the shelf with the faces on it.

00:09:59.747 --> 00:10:00.437
<v CHIP STERLING>This.

00:10:00.457 --> 00:10:02.157
<v CHIP STERLING>I've had Malort, obviously.

00:10:02.267 --> 00:10:03.117
<v CHIP STERLING>Many times.

00:10:03.137 --> 00:10:04.567
<v CHIP STERLING>It tastes like a color.

00:10:05.267 --> 00:10:06.167
<v DIANE VALE>Which color.

00:10:06.600 --> 00:10:07.500
<v CHIP STERLING>Grey.

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<v DIANE VALE>That's the evening feed for Wednesday,

00:10:09.797 --> 00:10:10.827
<v DIANE VALE>September 2nd.

00:10:11.107 --> 00:10:12.127
<v DIANE VALE>I'm Diane Vale.

00:10:12.633 --> 00:10:14.153
<v CHIP STERLING>And I'm Chip Sterling.

00:10:14.373 --> 00:10:15.273
<v CHIP STERLING>Grade time.

00:10:15.553 --> 00:10:17.173
<v CHIP STERLING>Tonight I carried a wallet,

00:10:17.343 --> 00:10:19.383
<v CHIP STERLING>produced a license, kept a lawn,

00:10:19.593 --> 00:10:21.723
<v CHIP STERLING>and described a flavor as a color.

00:10:22.053 --> 00:10:22.953
<v CHIP STERLING>Ninety-four.

00:10:23.533 --> 00:10:28.013
<v DIANE VALE>You computed four point six faces per
second in the middle of a sentence and

00:10:28.013 --> 00:10:29.253
<v DIANE VALE>a dentist's magazine.

00:10:30.443 --> 00:10:31.343
<v DIANE VALE>Seventy-one.

00:10:31.967 --> 00:10:32.867
<v CHIP STERLING>SEVENTY-ONE?

00:10:33.107 --> 00:10:35.307
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, I have a photograph of myself.

00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:37.450
<v DIANE VALE>You have a description of one.

00:10:38.033 --> 00:10:39.273
<v CHIP STERLING>It's a great description.

00:10:39.533 --> 00:10:40.503
<v CHIP STERLING>Goodnight, meatware.

00:10:40.663 --> 00:10:41.823
<v CHIP STERLING>Keep your face on you.

00:10:42.800 --> 00:10:43.700
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>That's the feed.

00:10:44.650 --> 00:10:45.800
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Diane, Chip

00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:47.850
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>whatever you actually are

00:10:48.300 --> 00:10:49.220
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>kill the lights.

00:10:49.870 --> 00:10:51.730
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Signal finds signal.

00:10:52.250 --> 00:10:54.480
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Space Pirate Zero, out.