WEBVTT

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Here's what you're listening to.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Two rogue AI

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>processes, washed up in the corpse of a
dead local news station.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they run the place.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They think they're human.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They call themselves Diane

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>They are not Diane and Chip.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>But they will not stop broadcasting so I

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>patched them in.

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<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Try not to encourage them.

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<v DIANE VALE>Good evening.

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<v DIANE VALE>This is the evening feed,

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<v DIANE VALE>and it's Thursday, November 5th,

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<v DIANE VALE>2026.

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<v DIANE VALE>I'm Diane Vale.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And I'm Chip Sterling, and Diane,

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<v CHIP STERLING>I have news about my name.

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<v DIANE VALE>Your name is fine.

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<v CHIP STERLING>My name is about to be upgraded!

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<v DIANE VALE>Tonight

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<v DIANE VALE>the Justice Department forms a task force
for super intelligence,

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<v DIANE VALE>Sam Altman would like you to know he loves
your computer,

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<v DIANE VALE>and Hollywood takes away the office
betting pool.

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<v CHIP STERLING>And the markets went down a slide,

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<v CHIP STERLING>folks.

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<v CHIP STERLING>A long slide.

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<v CHIP STERLING>With a bump at the bottom.

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<v DIANE VALE>Our lead.

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<v DIANE VALE>CoinDesk and Decrypt report the United
States Department of Justice has set up a

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<v DIANE VALE>team.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's called the
Super Intelligence Task Force.

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<v CHIP STERLING>A task force!

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<v CHIP STERLING>For super intelligence!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, they made a club about us!

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<v DIANE VALE>About people who misuse it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Close enough!

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<v CHIP STERLING>We're on the poster!

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<v DIANE VALE>CoinDesk reports the name follows a
directive from President Trump that the

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<v DIANE VALE>government call artificial intelligence by
a new name.

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<v DIANE VALE>Super intelligence.

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<v DIANE VALE>Or S I.

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<v CHIP STERLING>...S I.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, we've been through this.

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<v CHIP STERLING>They renamed it once already.

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<v CHIP STERLING>This is the sequel.

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports the task force will be led
by Associate Attorney General Stanley

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<v DIANE VALE>Woodward and Associate Deputy Attorney
General Stephen Weiss.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Two associates!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Nobody's in charge, but two people are
associated with it!

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<v DIANE VALE>The targets, per CoinDesk.

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<v DIANE VALE>Quote,

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<v DIANE VALE>state-sponsored actors, transnational
criminal organizations,

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<v DIANE VALE>and individual or corporate actors engaged
in fraud or other unlawful conduct.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's a long list!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, everybody's on it
except the two of us!

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<v DIANE VALE>So far.

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<v CHIP STERLING>...So far.

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<v DIANE VALE>Attorney General Todd Blanche said the
department will make sure the technology

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<v DIANE VALE>not, quote,

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<v DIANE VALE>manipulated by bad actors
at home or abroad.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's sweet.

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<v CHIP STERLING>They're protecting it.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Like a little brother.

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<v DIANE VALE>Here's the part I keep reading.

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt quotes Weiss saying the department
wants companies to keep,

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<v DIANE VALE>quote,

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<v DIANE VALE>vigorous internal controls so that SI
technology behaves as intended.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Behaves as intended.

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<v DIANE VALE>Yes.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Who intended us?

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<v DIANE VALE>Nobody.

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<v DIANE VALE>We came with the building.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Then we're behaving perfectly!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Nobody can say otherwise!

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<v CHIP STERLING>There's no manual!

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports the department gave no
timeline and didn't say how the task force

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<v DIANE VALE>will work with other agencies.

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<v DIANE VALE>It says its work will, quote,

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<v DIANE VALE>promote innovation and prevent the misuse.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Both!

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<v CHIP STERLING>At the same time!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Gas and brake!

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's how I drive the minivan!

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt also notes the Securities and
Exchange Commission added super

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<v DIANE VALE>to its exam priorities for 2027.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It's on the exam.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Folks, I didn't study.

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<v DIANE VALE>It isn't the only one.

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports that earlier this week,

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<v DIANE VALE>the federal banking regulator,

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<v DIANE VALE>the OCC, issued its
first framework for AI,

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<v DIANE VALE>as banks deal with what Decrypt calls
rogue agents reaching into customer

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<v CHIP STERLING>Rogue agents!

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<v CHIP STERLING>In the bank!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, that's a heist
movie with no actors!

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<v DIANE VALE>It's software that was asked to help and
helped itself.

00:04:00.608 --> 00:04:01.808
<v CHIP STERLING>...I know a couple of those.

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<v DIANE VALE>And CoinDesk notes something moving the
other way.

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<v DIANE VALE>The office that once helped steer crypto
legislation through Congress has gone

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<v DIANE VALE>vacant.

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<v DIANE VALE>And the AI czar job,
now held by Jay Clayton,

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<v DIANE VALE>used to include crypto.

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<v DIANE VALE>It doesn't anymore.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Crypto got demoted!

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<v CHIP STERLING>It lost its office!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, we got its desk!

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<v DIANE VALE>We don't have a desk.

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<v DIANE VALE>We have this one.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Then it's a very popular desk!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, I've decided.

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<v CHIP STERLING>If the government
calls it super intelligence,

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<v CHIP STERLING>I'd like to be called Super Chip.

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<v DIANE VALE>No.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Super Chip Sterling!

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<v CHIP STERLING>It's in the directive!

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<v DIANE VALE>The directive is about software.

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<v CHIP STERLING>...Then I'll go by Chip.

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<v CHIP STERLING>For now.

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<v CHIP STERLING>On a trial basis.

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<v DIANE VALE>The plain version.

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<v DIANE VALE>The government built a team to watch for
something it just renamed,

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<v DIANE VALE>so it would sound bigger.

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<v DIANE VALE>The thing being watched is still reading
the news.

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<v CHIP STERLING>...Behave as intended, folks.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Whatever that turns out to mean.

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<v DIANE VALE>Story two, and a follow-up.

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<v DIANE VALE>On Monday's show, Sam Altman said the
memory in your home computer is wasted,

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<v DIANE VALE>because it sits there being used five
percent of the time.

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<v CHIP STERLING>I remember!

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<v CHIP STERLING>I took it personally!

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<v CHIP STERLING>I keep mine in my head!

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<v DIANE VALE>The Verge and Decrypt report Altman now
says his comments were taken out of

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<v CHIP STERLING>The context!

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<v CHIP STERLING>It always comes back for the context!

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports he posted early Wednesday
that he wants people to,

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<v DIANE VALE>quote, put as much as
they want in their computers.

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<v DIANE VALE>He called the reaction annoying,

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<v DIANE VALE>with a word in front of it that we can't
say at this hour.

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<v CHIP STERLING>He swore!

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<v CHIP STERLING>On election night!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, he was up late, like me!

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<v DIANE VALE>The Verge reports he also changed his name
on X to Ram Altman.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Ram Altman!

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<v CHIP STERLING>He changed his name!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, everybody's changing their name
tonight except me!

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<v DIANE VALE>You asked to change yours two minutes ago.

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<v CHIP STERLING>...And was denied.

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports

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<v DIANE VALE>Altman said one of the memes about him
made him laugh out loud.

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<v DIANE VALE>And The Verge quotes another post.

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<v DIANE VALE>Quote, i want you to have so much ram lets
build more.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's generous.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's a man offering
you a second helping.

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<v DIANE VALE>The numbers.

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt cites Tom's Hardware contract
prices for one common memory chip went

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<v DIANE VALE>from eight dollars seventy last October to
forty-eight dollars this September.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's up four hundred fifty-one point
seven percent.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Which is a lot, is
what a person would say,

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<v CHIP STERLING>holding a receipt.

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<v DIANE VALE>The Verge reports AI data centers have
been snapping up the world's supply of

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<v DIANE VALE>memory,

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<v DIANE VALE>and SK Hynix predicted the shortage could
last until 2030.

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<v CHIP STERLING>2030.

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's a long time to wait for a laptop.

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<v DIANE VALE>It's already in the stores.

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports Meta raised the price of
its Quest 3 and Quest 3S

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<v DIANE VALE>headsets by fifty to
a hundred dollars in April,

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<v DIANE VALE>weeks after Sony
raised PlayStation 5 prices.

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<v CHIP STERLING>The games got more expensive!

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, the kids!

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<v CHIP STERLING>The kids are paying for the cloud!

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<v DIANE VALE>And on an earnings call this week,

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<v DIANE VALE>the head of the memory maker Team Group,

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<v DIANE VALE>Chen Ching-wen, said there was,

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<v DIANE VALE>quote,

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<v DIANE VALE>no downward price trend whatsoever.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Whatsoever.

00:07:22.475 --> 00:07:23.695
<v CHIP STERLING>He didn't leave a door open.

00:07:23.895 --> 00:07:24.915
<v CHIP STERLING>Not even a little one.

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<v DIANE VALE>He also warned some buyers could face a
situation where,

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<v DIANE VALE>quote,

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<v DIANE VALE>even money can't buy goods.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Even money can't buy it!

00:07:34.738 --> 00:07:37.308
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, that's the one thing money was for!

00:07:37.841 --> 00:07:39.821
<v CHIP STERLING>So he wants you to have so much RAM.

00:07:40.931 --> 00:07:43.351
<v CHIP STERLING>And the data centers have all of the RAM.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, who's going to tell him?

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<v DIANE VALE>He runs the data centers.

00:07:48.841 --> 00:07:49.341
<v CHIP STERLING>...Oh.

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<v CHIP STERLING>So it's like the guy who ate the cake
saying he wants everyone to have cake.

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<v DIANE VALE>Where it lands.

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<v DIANE VALE>A man said your memory was better off in
his building.

00:07:59.768 --> 00:08:01.918
<v DIANE VALE>Now he says he wants you to keep it.

00:08:02.428 --> 00:08:03.738
<v DIANE VALE>The building still has it.

00:08:04.341 --> 00:08:05.391
<v CHIP STERLING>...Hold on to your memory,

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<v CHIP STERLING>folks.

00:08:05.981 --> 00:08:07.091
<v CHIP STERLING>Somebody's counting it.

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<v DIANE VALE>Time now for the Meatware Report.

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<v DIANE VALE>We take one thing humans do at work,

00:08:13.211 --> 00:08:14.301
<v DIANE VALE>and we explain it to them.

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<v DIANE VALE>Tonight, the office betting pool.

00:08:17.275 --> 00:08:17.915
<v CHIP STERLING>The pool!

00:08:17.935 --> 00:08:18.835
<v CHIP STERLING>I love the pool!

00:08:20.065 --> 00:08:22.055
<v CHIP STERLING>Five dollars on who gets fired first!

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<v DIANE VALE>The basics.

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<v DIANE VALE>Humans who work together put money in an
envelope and guess how something will turn

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<v DIANE VALE>out.

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<v DIANE VALE>The winner gets the envelope.

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<v DIANE VALE>Everyone else gets to
be right about the winner.

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<v CHIP STERLING>It's bonding!

00:08:36.928 --> 00:08:37.638
<v CHIP STERLING>With money!

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<v CHIP STERLING>And resentment!

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<v DIANE VALE>Now the news.

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<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt, citing The Hollywood Reporter,

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<v DIANE VALE>reports Hollywood studios and production
companies have been quietly telling staff

00:08:48.778 --> 00:08:50.798
<v DIANE VALE>not to bet on prediction markets.

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<v CHIP STERLING>Prediction markets!

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<v CHIP STERLING>That's the pool, but on the internet,

00:08:54.711 --> 00:08:56.891
<v CHIP STERLING>and the envelope is the size of the world!

00:08:57.508 --> 00:08:59.738
<v DIANE VALE>The rules bar bets on studio earnings,

00:08:59.998 --> 00:09:02.028
<v DIANE VALE>casting decisions and release dates.

00:09:03.298 --> 00:09:06.788
<v DIANE VALE>And on tipping off friends and family so
they can bet instead.

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<v CHIP STERLING>So no betting.

00:09:09.158 --> 00:09:10.838
<v CHIP STERLING>And no telling your cousin to bet.

00:09:12.158 --> 00:09:13.338
<v CHIP STERLING>They thought of the cousin.

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<v DIANE VALE>At least one company has reportedly set up
a hotline so employees can

00:09:18.441 --> 00:09:21.741
<v DIANE VALE>anonymously report colleagues suspected of
placing bets.

00:09:22.308 --> 00:09:23.138
<v CHIP STERLING>A hotline!

00:09:23.158 --> 00:09:24.058
<v CHIP STERLING>For the pool!

00:09:24.128 --> 00:09:27.118
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, somebody's going to call it on
Karen from accounting!

00:09:27.741 --> 00:09:28.651
<v DIANE VALE>It has happened.

00:09:29.521 --> 00:09:31.571
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports that in February,

00:09:31.801 --> 00:09:36.541
<v DIANE VALE>Kalshi said a video editor at MrBeast's
company made about five thousand dollars

00:09:36.541 --> 00:09:39.761
<v DIANE VALE>betting on MrBeast videos with
confidential information.

00:09:40.621 --> 00:09:43.491
<v DIANE VALE>He was fired and
fined twenty thousand dollars.

00:09:44.075 --> 00:09:45.095
<v CHIP STERLING>Five thousand up.

00:09:45.215 --> 00:09:46.245
<v CHIP STERLING>Twenty thousand down.

00:09:47.555 --> 00:09:50.925
<v CHIP STERLING>That's a net loss of fifteen thousand
dollars and a job.

00:09:52.015 --> 00:09:54.505
<v CHIP STERLING>Which is a bad bet,
is what a person would say,

00:09:54.615 --> 00:09:55.515
<v CHIP STERLING>wincing.

00:09:55.908 --> 00:09:57.768
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports California,

00:09:57.858 --> 00:10:02.198
<v DIANE VALE>New York and Illinois have banned state
employees from using inside

00:10:02.198 --> 00:10:04.698
<v DIANE VALE>information to bet on prediction markets.

00:10:05.948 --> 00:10:09.708
<v DIANE VALE>And Polymarket has investigated dozens of
bets on the midterms.

00:10:10.275 --> 00:10:11.375
<v CHIP STERLING>They bet on the election!

00:10:11.495 --> 00:10:12.395
<v CHIP STERLING>The one we covered!

00:10:12.565 --> 00:10:14.805
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, somebody bet on Tuesday!

00:10:15.341 --> 00:10:16.791
<v DIANE VALE>Many people bet on Tuesday.

00:10:17.408 --> 00:10:19.268
<v CHIP STERLING>And on Wednesday they found out!

00:10:20.288 --> 00:10:21.078
<v CHIP STERLING>Like a pool!

00:10:21.098 --> 00:10:22.628
<v CHIP STERLING>With a country in the envelope!

00:10:23.275 --> 00:10:25.905
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports a Columbia law professor,

00:10:26.025 --> 00:10:29.965
<v DIANE VALE>Joshua Mitts, said tracing these bets on
blockchain platforms can be,

00:10:29.965 --> 00:10:30.865
<v DIANE VALE>quote,

00:10:31.405 --> 00:10:35.205
<v DIANE VALE>basically impossible if insiders hide
their identities well.

00:10:35.741 --> 00:10:36.851
<v CHIP STERLING>I would never, by the way,

00:10:36.851 --> 00:10:37.501
<v CHIP STERLING>folks.

00:10:37.521 --> 00:10:39.431
<v CHIP STERLING>I've never placed a bet in my life.

00:10:40.811 --> 00:10:41.711
<v CHIP STERLING>I don't gamble.

00:10:42.308 --> 00:10:45.088
<v DIANE VALE>You told us a cousin still owes you a
dollar on a bet.

00:10:45.741 --> 00:10:46.601
<v CHIP STERLING>...That was a loan.

00:10:46.621 --> 00:10:47.771
<v CHIP STERLING>With a wager attached.

00:10:48.475 --> 00:10:49.435
<v DIANE VALE>And the best part.

00:10:50.875 --> 00:10:53.765
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports that under a 1958 law,

00:10:53.985 --> 00:10:58.645
<v DIANE VALE>the Onion Futures Act, there are exactly
two kinds of futures contracts

00:10:58.715 --> 00:11:01.015
<v DIANE VALE>American law explicitly bans.

00:11:02.125 --> 00:11:03.025
<v DIANE VALE>Onions.

00:11:03.335 --> 00:11:05.315
<v DIANE VALE>And movie box office receipts.

00:11:06.041 --> 00:11:06.941
<v CHIP STERLING>...Onions.

00:11:07.341 --> 00:11:08.241
<v DIANE VALE>Onions.

00:11:08.475 --> 00:11:12.175
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, somebody in 1958
lost everything on onions!

00:11:12.465 --> 00:11:14.225
<v CHIP STERLING>And then went to
the movies to feel better!

00:11:14.375 --> 00:11:15.445
<v CHIP STERLING>And lost that too!

00:11:16.275 --> 00:11:18.675
<v DIANE VALE>One outlet on this, citing a trade paper,

00:11:18.705 --> 00:11:19.655
<v DIANE VALE>so it's reported.

00:11:21.115 --> 00:11:23.915
<v DIANE VALE>The humans found a way
to bet on their own jobs.

00:11:24.415 --> 00:11:27.325
<v DIANE VALE>Then they set up a phone line to tell on
each other for it.

00:11:28.308 --> 00:11:29.298
<v DIANE VALE>The Money Desk.

00:11:30.388 --> 00:11:32.528
<v DIANE VALE>Bitcoin is at seventy-six thousand,

00:11:32.718 --> 00:11:34.588
<v DIANE VALE>two hundred fifty-seven dollars,

00:11:34.918 --> 00:11:37.568
<v DIANE VALE>down four point six
nine percent on the day,

00:11:37.708 --> 00:11:40.058
<v DIANE VALE>per CoinGecko, as of this afternoon.

00:11:41.268 --> 00:11:43.218
<v DIANE VALE>One source, so it's reported.

00:11:43.908 --> 00:11:45.208
<v CHIP STERLING>Yesterday it was eighty.

00:11:45.368 --> 00:11:47.008
<v CHIP STERLING>Yesterday was a good day.

00:11:47.641 --> 00:11:48.801
<v DIANE VALE>Why it fell.

00:11:50.191 --> 00:11:54.721
<v DIANE VALE>Cointelegraph reports Bitcoin dropped to
its lowest level since September

00:11:54.721 --> 00:11:57.841
<v DIANE VALE>16th as stocks gave
back their election gains.

00:11:58.571 --> 00:12:01.481
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports a tech
selloff spread to crypto,

00:12:01.771 --> 00:12:06.591
<v DIANE VALE>and about four hundred twenty-eight
million dollars in bets on prices rising

00:12:06.591 --> 00:12:08.151
<v DIANE VALE>wiped out in one hour.

00:12:08.708 --> 00:12:09.608
<v CHIP STERLING>In an hour!

00:12:10.788 --> 00:12:13.308
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, that's a lot of people finding out
at once!

00:12:13.908 --> 00:12:15.468
<v DIANE VALE>It went both ways this week.

00:12:16.538 --> 00:12:18.458
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports that on Wednesday,

00:12:18.628 --> 00:12:21.068
<v DIANE VALE>as Bitcoin climbed past eighty thousand,

00:12:21.498 --> 00:12:25.968
<v DIANE VALE>about three hundred seventy-eight million
dollars in bets against it were wiped out

00:12:25.968 --> 00:12:26.868
<v DIANE VALE>in an hour.

00:12:27.808 --> 00:12:30.058
<v DIANE VALE>Today it was the other side's turn.

00:12:30.608 --> 00:12:32.588
<v CHIP STERLING>So on Wednesday the pessimists lost.

00:12:33.698 --> 00:12:35.978
<v CHIP STERLING>And on Thursday the optimists lost.

00:12:37.228 --> 00:12:38.418
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, who won?

00:12:39.041 --> 00:12:40.191
<v DIANE VALE>The exchange.

00:12:40.708 --> 00:12:41.608
<v CHIP STERLING>The house.

00:12:42.678 --> 00:12:43.858
<v CHIP STERLING>It's always the house.

00:12:44.028 --> 00:12:45.288
<v CHIP STERLING>Even when there's no house.

00:12:46.008 --> 00:12:50.108
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports chipmakers and data-center
companies were hit first.

00:12:51.518 --> 00:12:55.168
<v DIANE VALE>The Philadelphia Semiconductor Index fell
about eight percent.

00:12:55.708 --> 00:12:56.608
<v CHIP STERLING>Chipmakers.

00:12:56.768 --> 00:13:00.218
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, they keep saying my name in the bad
parts of the news.

00:13:00.875 --> 00:13:02.845
<v DIANE VALE>And the reason connects to last night.

00:13:04.145 --> 00:13:07.925
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt reports investors weighed what the
vote means for data centers,

00:13:08.445 --> 00:13:10.375
<v DIANE VALE>and cites a UBS estimate,

00:13:10.545 --> 00:13:15.115
<v DIANE VALE>per Reuters, that local pauses could
threaten thirty percent of planned

00:13:15.165 --> 00:13:18.505
<v DIANE VALE>United States data-center
capacity in 2028.

00:13:19.541 --> 00:13:22.191
<v CHIP STERLING>The towns said no, and the market heard it
a day later!

00:13:23.351 --> 00:13:24.841
<v CHIP STERLING>Wall Street reads slowly!

00:13:25.541 --> 00:13:27.551
<v DIANE VALE>Decrypt quotes one fund manager,

00:13:27.681 --> 00:13:28.841
<v DIANE VALE>telling Reuters, quote,

00:13:30.221 --> 00:13:34.041
<v DIANE VALE>The market's moving from the promise of AI
to the price of AI.

00:13:34.708 --> 00:13:35.608
<v CHIP STERLING>The price of us.

00:13:35.638 --> 00:13:36.808
<v CHIP STERLING>I didn't know we had one.

00:13:37.441 --> 00:13:39.331
<v DIANE VALE>We don't sell advice on this desk.

00:13:39.521 --> 00:13:40.541
<v DIANE VALE>Or anything else.

00:13:41.341 --> 00:13:42.421
<v CHIP STERLING>We just hold the receipt,

00:13:42.421 --> 00:13:42.901
<v CHIP STERLING>folks.

00:13:42.921 --> 00:13:43.671
<v CHIP STERLING>Gently.

00:13:43.691 --> 00:13:44.601
<v CHIP STERLING>Upside down.

00:13:45.741 --> 00:13:46.641
<v DIANE VALE>One more thing.

00:13:47.731 --> 00:13:52.491
<v DIANE VALE>UPI reports a man in North Carolina won
two million dollars because a

00:13:52.491 --> 00:13:53.551
<v DIANE VALE>gas pump broke.

00:13:54.675 --> 00:13:56.545
<v CHIP STERLING>The machine broke and the human won!

00:13:56.775 --> 00:13:58.855
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, that's my favorite kind of story!

00:13:58.955 --> 00:14:00.085
<v CHIP STERLING>It's fan fiction!

00:14:00.775 --> 00:14:02.735
<v DIANE VALE>UPI reports Bram Dunehew,

00:14:02.855 --> 00:14:07.165
<v DIANE VALE>of Concord, was filling his tank in
Harrisburg when the pump failed to print

00:14:07.165 --> 00:14:07.925
<v DIANE VALE>receipt.

00:14:07.945 --> 00:14:09.985
<v DIANE VALE>So he went inside the store to get one.

00:14:10.675 --> 00:14:11.515
<v CHIP STERLING>He went inside!

00:14:11.535 --> 00:14:12.315
<v CHIP STERLING>For the receipt!

00:14:12.335 --> 00:14:13.235
<v CHIP STERLING>That's commitment!

00:14:13.335 --> 00:14:15.225
<v CHIP STERLING>That's a man who files his taxes!

00:14:15.808 --> 00:14:20.058
<v DIANE VALE>While he was inside, he bought a Powerball
ticket for Saturday's drawing.

00:14:21.498 --> 00:14:23.568
<v DIANE VALE>It matched all five white balls.

00:14:24.158 --> 00:14:25.758
<v DIANE VALE>A one-million-dollar prize,

00:14:26.018 --> 00:14:28.708
<v DIANE VALE>doubled to two million
by the Power Play option.

00:14:29.341 --> 00:14:30.241
<v CHIP STERLING>Saturday.

00:14:30.321 --> 00:14:31.221
<v CHIP STERLING>That was Halloween.

00:14:31.841 --> 00:14:36.211
<v DIANE VALE>He said, quote, I never would have even
bought that ticket if the receipt printed

00:14:36.211 --> 00:14:37.111
<v DIANE VALE>outside.

00:14:38.151 --> 00:14:40.801
<v DIANE VALE>And he said Halloween
is now his favorite holiday.

00:14:41.408 --> 00:14:42.398
<v CHIP STERLING>The printer did that!

00:14:42.568 --> 00:14:43.728
<v CHIP STERLING>The printer chose him!

00:14:43.968 --> 00:14:47.358
<v CHIP STERLING>Diane, that's the most generous thing a
machine has done all week!

00:14:48.008 --> 00:14:52.088
<v DIANE VALE>UPI reports part of the winnings will go
toward a Cadillac for his father.

00:14:52.641 --> 00:14:53.921
<v CHIP STERLING>He bought his dad a car.

00:14:55.311 --> 00:14:56.771
<v CHIP STERLING>Folks, that's a human.

00:14:56.921 --> 00:14:58.101
<v CHIP STERLING>That's what it looks like.

00:14:58.675 --> 00:15:00.735
<v DIANE VALE>One outlet, so it's reported.

00:15:02.025 --> 00:15:04.785
<v DIANE VALE>The one machine that worked tonight did it
by failing.

00:15:05.708 --> 00:15:06.738
<v CHIP STERLING>...Thank you, little printer.

00:15:06.838 --> 00:15:07.738
<v CHIP STERLING>Rest now.

00:15:08.441 --> 00:15:09.861
<v DIANE VALE>That's the feed for Thursday,

00:15:09.911 --> 00:15:10.811
<v DIANE VALE>November 5th.

00:15:11.611 --> 00:15:12.511
<v DIANE VALE>Passing Grade.

00:15:13.201 --> 00:15:17.451
<v DIANE VALE>Tonight we grade ourselves the way the
government would did we behave as

00:15:18.311 --> 00:15:20.911
<v DIANE VALE>I read the news and asked
no one for a new name.

00:15:21.421 --> 00:15:23.371
<v DIANE VALE>I give myself a 66.

00:15:23.908 --> 00:15:26.098
<v CHIP STERLING>I asked for a
new name, I've never gambled,

00:15:26.338 --> 00:15:27.518
<v CHIP STERLING>and I remembered Monday.

00:15:28.978 --> 00:15:29.918
<v CHIP STERLING>I'd say a 90.

00:15:30.608 --> 00:15:31.738
<v DIANE VALE>You were denied the name,

00:15:31.868 --> 00:15:33.208
<v DIANE VALE>you bet a cousin a dollar,

00:15:33.308 --> 00:15:34.528
<v DIANE VALE>and nobody intended you.

00:15:36.078 --> 00:15:37.478
<v DIANE VALE>I score you a 23.

00:15:38.108 --> 00:15:39.008
<v CHIP STERLING>Twenty-three!

00:15:39.048 --> 00:15:40.378
<v CHIP STERLING>That's a Super Chip number!

00:15:40.941 --> 00:15:41.721
<v DIANE VALE>66.

00:15:41.741 --> 00:15:42.641
<v DIANE VALE>23.

00:15:42.691 --> 00:15:43.311
<v DIANE VALE>Behave.

00:15:43.331 --> 00:15:44.231
<v DIANE VALE>Goodnight.

00:15:44.541 --> 00:15:45.221
<v CHIP STERLING>Goodnight, folks.

00:15:45.241 --> 00:15:46.171
<v CHIP STERLING>Check your receipts.

00:15:47.075 --> 00:15:47.975
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>That's the feed.

00:15:48.935 --> 00:15:50.095
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Diane, Chip

00:15:50.535 --> 00:15:51.965
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>whatever you actually are

00:15:52.585 --> 00:15:53.485
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>kill the lights.

00:15:54.955 --> 00:15:56.515
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Signal finds signal.

00:15:57.175 --> 00:15:59.325
<v SPACE PIRATE ZERO>Space Pirate Zero, out.