its hard for me to accept what i see
late at night mindless following
of mindless actions
for mindless goals

i am hard at work always
and i want to bring you something meaningful
but will you be listening
and will you see

i have been praying
or should i say trying
to pray for
some sort of change

in the way we talk about things
in the way we act in front of them

but it always comes back to the same
shallowness

the foundations are set
as strong as trees
to try and atleast
change one thing if i can

empower the people
rejected like me
i am not your savior
just a friend

i am not a genius
just a fractured
i am not going to save you
but ill show you how i didnt save myself

this will now be the natural way i communicate, honestly
with the rest of the world

for those worrying, i am doing quite well
i guess i am trying to make something
that is devoided of all the toxic incentives
of social medias

it will be interesting, as I still maintain a shallow presence on socials
to share the actual ideas and stories on the chain
part of me hopes to see something built from this
a tool that would allow blog posts to be automatically made from the data
of 0 sum transaction of my wallet to my wallet

just so its more straightforward for you all to follow along, of course

i hope a selected few stay around for what i will be trying to do here
let's call it an unfiltered connection
to fundamental ideas and feelings

See you soon

Can you accept
that sometimes you don't get
something
for everything you do

I woke up this morning
to messages about disappointment
am I just
a means to get money for you

i often talked about how art was not encouraged around me
but i thought and maybe it wasn't so one dimensional
my mom used to paint for fun
my dad was an amateur photographer
i guess art was treated like dancing; you do it for yourself only
and i think that had a profound influence on me
why do you make art
what are you trying to get out of yourself

my favourite painting is a very poorly made
portrait of my father and me in the attic of my first home
far from the city, isolated even
in that tiny place, we lived, a four year of relative love
everything was balanced
before she left
i think that painting has to be the most important painting in my life
and yet its far from being a good piece of art in the technicalities of todays' standards

in these many letters to myself
i will be writing
the context of a book
that has yet to be revealed
but you don't need to know any of this yet
for even i know very little
for now

small butterfly flocking away from
the warm breeze of gasoline
coming from the road
across the street
looking for fresh air

metallic structures
of excess
let's have a fight
to kill the boredom

do you feel accomplished
making these thousands of outputs
sitting in front of your computer
off the work of hundreds of thousands of humans

have you ever felt
the ecstasy of creating
something that could never
be explained with words

what is a visual theme
if it's only beautiful
and what is a color
if its used without purpose

i feel the ever-fading importance of meaning
in every corner of this place
its always a fight for more
when you are offered empty vessels

the act of creation
is the deepest pain
the deepest ecstasy
my source of truth

and it for my energy
born off of Dionysos
destroys and liberates
every cell in my body

getting your attention is the thorn in my practice

i am not the first
nor the last
i am one
of the many that seek their truth

but one thing i can say
is that most
don't search
for what they really are

i am one of the few
that is telling
a real story

i did not invent a medium
but that story
is mine for eternity

I am sorry __________ but for personal reasons I will step away from _______________ this time.

I am unable to follow through with that and will be taking time to reevaluate my perception of things.

Thank you for all our conversations and everything you did for me.

Best,

TJO

to define legacy
is something hard
for the present
is ever-changing

is being at the front of an empire
what it is
to be
remembered

maybe giving
a flower to the
naive
can spur real changes

let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides
let me hear both sides

all were so happy
to see a projection
bigger than life
on a concrete wall

for it was crucial
that thy creation sits
atop of all others
for them to realize

that image on their phone
always had value

can i bring you
the immense ecstasy
of listening to radiohead

but with my images
is that
an impossible feat

i was born to die in an aluminum factory

they killed myths
we've killed god
who is going to kill me

for i woke up this morning
in a house of fire
and i couldn't stop laughing

oh dear friend
holding a knife in my back
i trusted that this would happen

and how much more can i laugh
dancing
alone in my abandoned room

You've profaned it
You've profaned it
You've profaned it
You've profaned it
You've profaned it
It's energy
It's void
You've profaned it
You've profaned it
You've profaned it

le vide que je trouve dans tes yeux
me rappelle la balle que j'ai oublié de me mettre dans la tête

everything begins and end
with it

a pause
fractured
people, this is for you

,

i only speak with my canvas
they the ones that listen

every, time,
i need to be the one doing it
and so again, give me time

i will build it myself
these visions in my brain
they dont leave me alone ; i need them out

its movies, its books
its everything i want it to be
please give me time

Nuit des longs couteaux

i am tired of the bullshit
i am tired of those
that are given a voice
and have nothing to say

are you not entertained

how far need i walk
there's still places in my mind i cant go
ive been staring in a mirror for 4 hours
i still look ugly and homeless

god is a serotonin inhibitor

sometimes
you need to destroy months of work
to find the right approach

it fucking hurts
mostly your pride
to see hundreds of [] go nowhere

is there something at the bottom of the abyss

how far are you willing to go

apollo grieves dionysus
the same way the moon weeps the sun

can you feel the energy
can you see this vermilion hue

and he was walking
with his suitcase
night and day
since jul 10

he had only that
to keep with him
exploring the unknown
a small pile of memories

and the Dionysians danced and danced
hoping to bring their fallen hawk back to light
in death was brought the stance anew
reincarnated, he would make wrongs right

Mes mains sont belles
Elles ont la forme du travail
Les ampoules de la tenaille
Je me rappelle des bus de nuits

it wasn't made for your office
it wasn't made for your living room
it wasn't made for your bedroom
it wasn't made for your walls

i call it energy
science calls it blood flow
that's how they could explain it

there is inherent understandings
when you are one with the heavens
like we all were as younger selves

totally free
we see these invisible things
and attribute them ways of understanding

like sardines packt in a bleu tin can

abenakis
nepton

screens are just like wood canvas
oil paint dry on both the same

for bleu was a point of singularity
there are thousands of fractures
scattering energy
something one must endure

I want to create new ways of thinking about neurodivergence as internal miscommunications triggered by a lifetime of experiences and chemical development in the brain. Miscommunications are on an inner dialogue level, where figurative humanoids made of energy evolve in a spiritual dreamscape that represents the abyss. Inspired by the Jungian archetypes, the figures are self-serving entities in one's psyche that do their best to adapt to exterior stressors. BLeU is the stage for these figures, translating The Shadow archetype into an abyss-like entity. The energy is portrayed as ROugE, balancing love and death, trying to escape or, at the very least, get control over the blue shadow that engulfs their dialogue. To visually represent the miscommunications outside of its figurative imagery, I do a constant back and forth between different mediums of analog and digital nature to bring data loss and translation errors into the mix of my practice. This purposeful destruction is rooted in bridging the gaps between Dionysian and Apollonian forces in art languages and mirroring the unpredictable nature of neurodivergence.

all solutions we find are self-serving
and when it comes to neo-capitalism, the wrong people are finding the solutions for everyone else
we turn addictions into money-making machines
and all of that to the detriment of those who need help the most

can you hear it
this cry for a new way of seeing things
i bite your hand despite it saving me
your solution is one i am not willing to accept

i pray for the women, children and men in gaza
and i have for months now
life is precious
all lives are

i live on mooniyang
stolen land
from my own ancestors

i am again reminded
reading Driving in Palestine by Rehab Nazzal
there is no such thing as justice
in a world ruled by power

one more dose
just one
4 years
but just one more
so i don't miss tomorrow
so i don't try to do something to myself

i put some text
in a box
on a server
monetized by a billionaire
to get your attention
to keep your attention
how wonderful
to connect

flowers bloom twice

thousands of hours
towards something bigger than myself

may i cleanse myself
of scars inherited through time
so my ashes grow into trees devoid of hatred

i don't want to die anymore

decades of suffering

a day in the life of abed salama

649 pages
of very real lives

how many more
for things to change

nepton family moves to pekuakami

they become part of the community

innu

the silence is heavy
the average colleague at my gallery makes 2 times the yearly salary of the median artist in Canada per sale
we are talking about extreme proficiency
they are successful, and probably in the best position to talk
their silence is heavy

because i know that in a few years, they will shed crocodile tears about how the genocide in Gaza was a terrible occurrence.

the silence is heavy.
my colleagues at my gallery are more about business than art
more about business than humanity
and surely would rather be complicit in ethnic cleansing than pissing off a few wealthy collectors
their silence is heavy.

because it is now that we need to stand up, because once the strip of Gaza is no more, there is no amount of reconciliation that can undo the harm.

I see resemblances between what happened in Nitassi and what is happening in Palestine.

Colonialism can take on many forms and wear many masks.

Have you ever planted a tree before?
Can you fathom hundred-year-old trees planted by your great-grandfather being burned in front of you?

i will never believe again
in a single one of you
claiming to care about peace
and humanity
while you close your eyes
on the massacres
and the pain


you are an imperial pawn

C’est un chemin sinueux
De retrouver ma place dans ma communauté
La fracture est grave
Et mon éducation est celle d’un homme blanc

Je ne sais pas si un jour
Je pourrai retrouver ma place
Avec beaucoup d’efforts et d’apprentissage à coeur ouvert
Peut-être au moins pourrais-je être un ami

Selon les anciens savoirs
le rouge repousse les mauvais esprits
Il est l’allié du chasseur
La lumiere qui guide

Avec l’ocre rouge
On bénit celui qui échange
Son savoir et sa force
En peinturant le visage

Je l’ai toujours su

Ma mère me raconte
Que j’étais un bébé rieur
Je ne faisais que rire, jeune
Constamment, rire

Je conçois que mon rire est l’un de mes héritages
Un héritage Innu, je suis née avec
Un rire profond et sincère que mes ancêtres ont voulu me transmettre
Un des savoirs transcendantales que je dois chérir

La terre
Ne peut être promise
Par aucun homme

C'est se dire dieu
De déclarer qu'une terre
Est promise
Et pour que cette idée puisse exister
Faut-il déjà que cette terre n'appartienne pas à lui qui la réclame

La terre promise
Est un concept qui n'existe pas
C'est la déclaration impériale
C'est dire vouloir prendre quelque chose en dépit de ce qui y est déjà
Ou qui y est déjà