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90

She looked into my wide open closet and saw two kimonos, one with a lily print and the other with a heron print. And she saw everything else.

Mom: “Who’s is this?”

Me: “Mine.”

Mom: “why do you wear things like this?!”

Me: I smiled* “because it looks cool as hell that’s why.”

Mom: Looks away disapprovingly.*

Me: “Hey mom, check this out!” “Alexa, play the Game of Thrones Theme on Pandora.”

Mom: “Woah, show your dad!”

Dad: “what’s this... woahhh. You finally got the Alexa to work!”

Me: (In my head) Crisis freaking averted.

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Because I was born as female, I go to female restroom. Even if all-gender restroom is there, I ignore it because I think it's for people with physical disorder. I don't think I'm a girl, of course. I don't want to check the definition of genderqueer, I want to know whether there are people like me. If I was born in boy's body, I think I don't want to enter boy's restroom....because, you know, it's not individual, and crazy for me.

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I am AFAB, but identify as androgyne, leaning male. Lately, I have been wondering if I am actually FtM trans because I have been dealing with heavy gender dysphoria. Its gotten to the point where even referring to myself as female online leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Anyone else going through this?

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I felt like I had stabilized from The Great Gender Crisis of 2015 but now it feels like I've hit my second wave. I think I might go back on HRT and this time I might go further than before. I keep trying to talk myself out of it, but I know that once I accept it that it will be the best option.

I'm struggling with the impulse to fit this into a narrative. Was I "not ready" the first time, or has my gender changed/evolved? I know that it doesn't make any practical difference, so I might as well let it go. IDK how much of the pressure to have a narrative or a logic is social- or self-imposed, but it is a lot of stress that I really don't need.

I am fishing for affirmations, encouragement, and general enby positivity <3

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Any ideas or advice? Like I want to come out but damn I want a job too, but I don't want to have to sacrifice my identity for a job because I've been hiding that for way too long and I'm just sick of it. I deserve to be as mentally healthy and make a living too right?

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Alright, so I came here to write something about what I'm feeling/going through, and I just stared at this screen for about five minutes. I don't really know how to begin describing it. It feels like my masculine and feminine energies are highly polarized, kinda like oil and water. I don't really know how to get into it any deeper than that. It's like trying to bite my own teeth. On one hand, I feel like an apex predator: an indestructible turbo tank that has to take over the world because he can't admit he has feelings. Contrasting this, I feel like a little girl. I know this is because I had to suppress a lot of myself growing up and never had the opportunity to explore my feminine side. But now it's completely disconnected from who I am, yet I am it at the same time.

I feel completely developmentally stunted as a human being. This is on top of being schizophrenic, so you know crippling loneliness is just an expected byproduct of me being a complete freak in the eyes of the average person. I don't feel able to be myself, because there's no clear answer to who I am. In any given situation, I feel pulled in completely opposite directions, which just leaves me unable to execute on anything because my thoughts and feelings get so swarmed and I get confused. I feel pathetic.

I hate my body. At the same time I know I'd still hate it if I changed anything, just a different type of hate. I know, I know. I need to come to love who I am. I'm having a hard time with that. Every day is filled with reminders that I'm held back by my own lack of identity. I feel like I'm in a fog. I don't know what direction I want to travel because when I take one step in a particular direction, I feel this pull from inside me telling me I should be going the other way.

This whole thing ended my last relationship. There were days when I just wasn't attracted to her. I wound up resenting her because I felt like she was preventing me from being happy, trapping me in a box. There are days when I feel particularly stronger one way or the other, but it never lasts. It's always fluid, and changes rather frequently.

I feel extremely dominant some days, like I'm taking on the world and nothing can stop me. I actually have messianic delusions that are directly tied to this. But then there are other times when I am the lowest piece of shit on Earth and deserve to be used by everyone and everything. I have so much trouble making forward progress in anything as a result, especially making friends/fostering any sort of relationship, platonic or not.

Meeting people in person is extremely hard because of my disorder. I'm taking action to change that, hopefully recondition myself to be less anxious and thus less symptomatic. But in the meantime, there's nothing going on in my dating/networking world. I'm a writer, so it's easy for me to get my foot in the door through apps/websites, but I can't really have a lasting conversation with anyone. Even when things seem to be going right, everything falls apart when I suddenly become unattracted to them. Or, I'll get embarrassed about having certain feelings/desires and not be able to express anything. I know I shouldn't feel that way about my sexuality, but I had to repress everything growing up and those thought patterns are still there.

I'm really lonely. I cry a lot, but usually I'll have some massive storm emotionally where I can just feel my masculine side rise up and bear its teeth, and I wind up punching myself a lot. And hard. I want to stop doing that and I know it revolves around coming to accept myself fully. It's just so hard. There's nothing to grab onto; it's like water running through my fingers. What do I love? I don't want to put anything in a box by labeling and trying to categorize myself, but there's no me otherwise. I'm just void, as the two sides annihilate each other like matter and antimatter.

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So to start, if I shouldn’t post this here, I’m sorry. So, I am a 19 year old male and I’m confused and kind of scared to be honest. I’ve never really thought about my gender in any way, but I’ve also never really been comfortable. I fully accepted this today as my sister made a light hearted joke about me coming out as trans (not offensive in anyway, she is amazing). I’ve rewritten this so many times and I don’t know who to ask or how to help myself right now or what to do with this feeling right now.

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Hi!, so I wanted to ask about a topic that I really don't undestand about being a transgender person, but because I'm trans too but I think I have a very weird and different experience, and maybe I'm not even trans, I don't really know.

Well, first of all, I'm non-binary and agender. I think that gender it's a social construct, but that doesn't mean that gender doesn't exist (I'm just really neutral about it in my case), instead, I think that gender and sex doesn't have anything in common at all: your body doesn't dictate your gender identity, your body it's not just a man or a woman body, it's yours, and if you are a man/woman/nonbinary/genderqueer, it's a man/woman/nonbinary/genderqueer's body, that's it (I'm saying about gender, not sex).

So I have two questions:

  1. I think that a lot of people think like me, that you are not less of your gender for having your body. But I don't understand something, and it's that, even if they say that gender and sex doesn't have to be linked, why do most of the trans community want to change their body and why they have body dysphoria in the first place? I understand social dysphoria because it's horrible when people misgenders you and don't treat you as how you want to be percieved, but... if you are a man or a woman because you feel like it and not because of your parts, why do we have to try to get another type or body to feel validated? It's like a contradiction. Is is because cis people, that are relly ignorant, doesn't validate your gender because of your body and you have to change it? Or because you don't really like it in the first place, (independently about what cis people see you as)?

(I want to say that I asked this question to some other people and told me that they really don't like their body because of their sex, not because society makes them believe that you have to have a female sex to be a woman or a male sex to be a man, etc. So, what I want to say it's that it's more about medical transition about someone's sex?, I think. Not just socially. Sorry if I'm not good at explaining it, just tell me if I'm saying things wrong)

What I'm trying to say it's that a lot of people think that they have to ¨pass¨ as a woman or a man, but isn't that cissexist or sexist? You are a woman or a man if you feel like it, you don't become a woman or a man. So, if I'm really wrong, tell me.

  1. Something that I really noticed it's that, if someone is transwoman, for example, they tend to be really femenine and wear very femenine clothes all the time, and viceversa. (Or if someone is nonbinary, they have to be androgynous).

So... In my case, I wear whatever I want, without thinking about something is femenine or masculine. I don't really care. And I'm not saying that you can't be stereotipically femenine or masuline, or androgynous. What I'm trying to say it's that sometimes I feel that I'm a fake agender or a fake trans because of this, that I don't care about the gender roles of my identity (In my case, being androgynous), and that I have to be like super stereotipical because I'm faking it. And I'm sure some people doesn't care either whatever they wear.

And it's interesting because cis people tend to care less about gender roles (I know there is a lot of sexism in the world, but I think there is less). They are a lot of femenine cis guys and masculine cis gals. So, can trans people ignore gender roles too? Or are we less trans? And what makes you woman or man, because of being femenine or masculine? Or about the concept and feeling of being that group in society, for example? I think that's really interesting, and I wanted to know about your opinions. And sorry if there's something rude that I said, and I don't mean to say that you should obey me about what you have to do with your lives, or anything like that, obviously. People should just do whatever they want to. But yeah, thank you for reading.

(sorry for my broken English)

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I don't even know what my gender is at this point, but my ideal appearance is to look like a very pretty but undoubtedly male person, and I have no clue how to achieve this as an afab person. Think stereotypical long haired male models, or feminine male goths, where they can wear makeup/long hair/womens clothes but still be clearly recognized as male.

My issue is I am a very clearly female person - large chest, hourglass figure, feminine face/voice. My hair is short right now so if anything I just look like a butch lesbian, which is literally the opposite of what I currently want. Binding isn't an option for me because of massive rib/lung damage (don't use ace bandages, kids), nor is T or any sort of surgery (I'm broke, don't have access to a dr, and have a partner who I love a lot but he only views me as a woman). I have no clue how to first look masc and then layer a femme look on top of that without just looking like a well dressed woman. I'm into goth/punk styles, so that at least helps with the androgyny a little bit, but I'm very tall and skinny so a lot of clothing, esp mens, doesn't fit me very well. Does anyone have any advice on how to achieve a prettyboy look?

I am working on growing my hair out into a long mohawk and acquiring more clothes, but I'm kinda lost as to what clothes to buy that'll best suit me.

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Hey there, I'm new around here, and I am confused. Apologies in advance, I am on mobile. TL; DR I am a woman. OR AM I??

Okay so, a few months back I went through a shortish spell of hectically questioning my gender, and then that kind of went away. Fast forward a month or so, and my partner figured out she's trans. This caused an avalanche of research on gender for both of us, and I am back at the questioning stage.

Here's the deal: I'm afab, totally happy with feminine pronouns. I generally don't experience dysphoria, but sometimes my breasts annoy me and I would rather they were gone. I also hate my uterus, but that's mostly unrelated (I think?). I definitely don't want to be a man. At all. Ever. But I do think having a penis would be much better than having a vagina.

My partner has pointed out that I've never been femme, which doesn't say anything in itself, but it did make me realise some things. Jokes referring to me being the man in the relationship and the like have never bothered me, and according to some things I've read, that would bother the average cis woman? As a kid, my friends would always make me play The Boy in whatever game we were playing or story we were making up, and that was fine. Later on, I started choosing that role for myself, because I enjoyed it. And that was weird to some people. In terms of my relationship, I've always taken on a traditionally masculine role, with regards to old-timey expectations of men, like being physically protective (I'll punch them if they're mean to you!!) Or buying things for my partner with the fantasy in my head that I'm a man in the 1950s spoiling his woman. Even before my partner came out as trans.

I don't want to present as a man, but I don't feel 100% like a woman either. I haven't been able to make sense of all the terms for people similar to me, and I'm kind of searching for a label to point me in the general direction of people like me. I don't believe that every single thing needs its own label, but I would like to find some similar friends.

Thanks!

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I am in the process of coming out as genderqueer, and am looking for some articles/resources for my staunchly heterosexual partner. He wants to be supportive and doesn't want our relationship to end over this, but is having a hard time navigating his own sexuality and identity in the face of me coming out. It is additionally difficult as we have a significant age-gap so he's got Gen X mindset about things (Being what ever is cool, but why do you need lables? Gender neutral pronouns are grammatically awkward and thus I shouldn't have to use them!) Any help appreciated. <3

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Hey so I've been learning about nonbinary identities and it has me questioning a few things. I currently present as female and haven't really questioned it, however the whole idea of gender in general feels a little flimsy? Like I'm really not overly attached to she/her pronouns. As far as I'm concerned you can really call me anything you like. At worst if you'd referred to me as he I'd probably be confused about who you're talking to and move on. Maybe be a little ecstatic and curious if you saw anything masculine in me. (I'm a curious person in general). I'm just wondering if that sounds familiar to anyone else?

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I (28yo) recently came out as non-binary and trying to figure out how to look really androgynous with male pattern baldness is driving me *crazy*! I still have some thin hair on top and have started using finasteride/minoxidil, but I can't imagine it will ever be effective enough for me to look feminine without a wig :-( any tips? I'd love to get to a point to where I could at least consider an MtF transition without having to worry about showing my natural head of hair when out on a run.

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