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Let’s sing on and hear how a GM is ruing the day he not only made the “wrong” pick but also how he didn’t make that trade he wanted. Watch how a GM descends into madness, as the more time he has to think over the decision to draft Guy A instead of Guy B just eats him alive, causing him to sleep less and less, before he’s reduced to utter madness. Oh, and if the anticipation and regret doesn’t kill you while waiting in-between picks, think how it must be for Jo and Doug who are across the pond.
As you twist and lie awake
If you could re-pick at two again
If you could, yes you would
If you could, you would
Let him go
Surrender; make a trade
If I could throw this lifeless dead arm to the wind
I should make a play; No! I should just walk away
Awake at night, lying in pain
Charlie picked right, while your guy flamed
If you could, by a trade, get that 3rd for free
He’d lead your team away; see your team break away
Into first place, he’d save the day……
You let him go, and saw him fade away
You let him go, and saw him fade away
I'm wide awake; I'm wide awake
Wide awake; I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no
If you should ask then maybe they'd tell you “a deal’s in play”
Bruce Ruffin’s now wearing red and black
He’ll start real soon; Pete will kick your ass
Ratings crash, collide in bloodshot eyes
If you could, you know you would
If you could, you would
Let him go...
First elation; trepidation
Prevarication, consternation
Now frustration, caffeine nation
Jo and Aiton, six hours waiting
Let him go, and see him fade away
Just let him go, and see him fade away
Just let him go, and see him fade away
I'm wide awake; I'm wide awake
Wide awake; I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no #1 - LF Barry Bonds, Boston
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Quality: BETTER!
The dude is close to being fully developed in four out of five areas. Can steal bases and plays a solid LF. Unless someone snitches on him, he should be juicing and hitting balls out of the park for years. We’ll see if Iron Mike likes Bonds – if Barry’s contact rating doesn’t rise up, it would certainly dampen things (but I’m sure – being as it is Barry Bonds – he’d just get some EET).
I would have liked to see GM Ryan draft Larkin to fill his SS need, but he’ll just have to settle for a masher that could see CRob’s records
wiped from the books.
My initial temptation was to rate this as a “BEST” pick, at is Barry freaking Bonds, but BOS left one of the best SS in the game on the table. Will it come back to bite him, or will Barry’s 843 HRs per year soothe GM Ryan’s soul?
Did You Know?
• Son of Bobby Bonds and grandson of Willie Mays
• Often seen having dinner with Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson
• Best friends with the Monuments Andy Van Slyke
#2 - SP Greg Maddux, Denver
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Quality: BETTER!
Greg Maddux made baseball enjoyable by ensuring that I didn’t need to spend 17 ½ hours watching a game, so how can I only give this pick a “better” rating? The guy could be awesome – “could” being the key word. If he develops, he’ll kill you. If not, he’s another SP victim for Iron Mike to notch into his belt.
Time will tell on this one. The Commish wanted a dominant SP, and he sure as heck got one – if he develops. If Maddux comes anywhere close to his potential, DEN has a workhorse ace to help in the rebuild.
Did You Know?
• Sportswriters have coined the term "a Maddux" to describe a complete game shutout in which
the winning pitcher needs fewer than 100 pitches.
• Part of a great prank on Kris Bryant.
#3 - SS Barry Larkin, San Francisco
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SF has had a hole at SS for several years, and GM Jeff “Spiderman” Tonole has filled it with one of the best in the game.
Did You Know?
• On September 27, 1998, the Reds started an infield of Aaron Boone, Bret Boone, Stephen Larkin,
and Barry Larkin, marking the first time in history that two sets of siblings made up an infield.
• Was Barry White’s favorite player “Sho you right” on that!
#4 - LF Kalvoski Daniels, Havana
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GM Mueller addressed a huge need; now he is waiting just to see if Bonds-lite becomes a Deee-lite!
Did You Know?
• Principal teammate throughout his career was Eric Davis.
• Rumored to be changing his name to Kal-El.
#5 - 1B Rafael Palmeiro, Toronto
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We know the guy has power and contact potential. We know he can play 1B and LF. We know he is juicing both bats. The question is if he actually develops, hence the quality pick rating that is a tad lower.
GM Eric “The Doctor” Clemons likely will somehow find a way to keep RP moving forward with some “supplements”……the real question is what he does with the other six 1Bs he has.
Did You Know?
• Palmeiro's at-bat music was \"California Love\" by Tupac Shakur.
• He appeared in Viagra commercials and, as such, became Dan McGinn’s sworn enemy since he was plugging an EET rival.
#6 - SP Kevin Brown, Brooklyn
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What ratings! That’s the good. Now the bad: what ratings! Long way for this guy to go. In the vein of Maddux, if he makes it, holy cow. But if he doesn’t, woe to the team that drafted him.
GM Widholm always seems to have pitchers to spare, but only Iron Mike will determine whether or not Brown fulfills his destiny to become one of the best SPs in the UL.
Did You Know?
• Brown was the first player in baseball history to sign a deal worth a cumulative $100 million
• Known to close friends as “Downtown” Kevin Brown, with his favorite phrase being “Wubba Wubba”.
#7 - 3B Bobby Bonilla, Montreal
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GM Jo had a problem in the left side of his infield, and with this pick, he hopefully solves the 3B issue. No offense to Luis Salazar, but he’s not Bobby Bo. And Bobby can play a bunch of positions to boot. Not
the smoothest fielder, and his power has a long way to develop, but should that happen, he should put a lock on 3B for Montreal.
Did You Know?
• He reached an unusual deal with the Mets when they decided to cut him in 2000 while he still had $5.9 million due him. Instead of taking the money in a lump sum payment, his agent, Dennis Gilbert, negotiated a deal to receive the amount in deferred annual payments, starting in 2011. Thus, on July 1st of every year, a day known as \"Bobby Bonilla Day\" to Mets fans, he receives a
check for $1.193 million, something that will last until 2035, for a total payment of $29.8 million over 25 years (35 if the ten-year grace period is counted). This may seem outrageous - and writers seeking cheap headlines are not shy about bringing up the deal every year when the payment is made - but it is in fact based on a calculation of the net present value of the amount that was due him back in 2000. In effect, Bonilla was making a loan to the team at an interest
rate of 8% with a ten-year grace period and an extended repayment period. Based on economic conditions prevalent at the time, had the amount been paid in full in 2000 and invested, its
estimated value in 2035 would have been similar to what Bonilla will eventually receive, and possibly superior. However, because of the bank crisis of 2008 and the collapse of the rate of return on most investments, the deferred payment ended up being worth a lot more than what a one-time payment would have been, making Bonilla seem like a genius and a hero to those who would love to have a free large paycheck every year. For the Mets, there were fiscal advantages to deferring the amount over an extended period, so there is no need to shed a tear for them.
• Nickname is Bo-Bo.
#8 - 1B Mark McGwire, Atlanta
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Quality: BETTER!
You’d think with a guy like Mike Pagliarulo that GM Chaney would be satisfied – no way in hell. The guy is on a mission to bash other teams into oblivion, and this appears to be the next big weapon being armed. We know the guy has power. The question is if it actually develops. And then the next question is if his Avoid Ks develops……if it does, he could be destined to walk, single, HR, or K; not a shabby outcome at all. The jury is still out on whether Mac is a future CRob or K-dog.
Did You Know?
• Was accused of taking steroids to improve his on-the-field performance
• Was accused of taking EET to improve his off-the-field performance
#9 - RP Bruce Ruffin, Los Angeles
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Quality: HORRIBLE!
GM Vays asked for a more critical analysis of 1 st Round picks, and by god, he’s going to get it. What an awful pick – a nearly fully developed EXGB RP at #9? What do you get a team that has everything?
Nothing. We should make a rule or something to make sure this guy doesn’t get picks like this. I mean, where’s he going to put him? He won’t even crack LA’s starting line-up. This must stop now. Awful
pick. From this point forward, Peter is no longer allowed to draft.
Did You Know?
• Gave up Tony Gwynn’s 2,000 th hit.
• Has a puffin named Ruffin who’s always stuffin’ himself with muffins.
#10 - SP Doug Drabek, Seattle
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Quality: BEST!
Solid ratings and almost fully developed. He may not be Maddux or Brown, but if he is able to immediately produce for GM Aiton, then Aiton may have the swoop of the draft. Expect to see Drabek
soon at the UL level where he should be a workhorse for Seattle. The Rainy guys continue their move up – watch out for this team in 1986. Ahem: SWOOP!
Did You Know?
• Won the NL Cy Young in 1990
• Named his kids Drea, Dr’Antonio and Dr’Amatic.
#11 - RP Duane Ward, Denver
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Did You Know?
• Won two World Series with the Blue Jays.
• Not to be outdone by Ruffin’s puffin, has his own pelican.
#12 - 1B Will Clark, Chicago
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Did You Know?
• Is a spokesman for Autism Speaks (his son is autistic)
#13 - 2B Bip Roberts, Montreal
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The other IF position where MON was hurting was 2B. GI Jo has just rolled the dice, and MON’s opponents have come up Snake Eyes! Bip has speed, is a solid fielder and should be on base quite often.
Along with Bobby-Bo, Lima has dramatically renovated the Voys infield. I like it! Great pick-up.
Did You Know?
• Real name is Leon Joseph Roberts
• Once won Micro League batting title by hitting .500 doing nothing but bunting.
#14 - C Mike Stanley, Atlanta
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Did You Know?
• After retiring, he coached his son's Little League team, which also included Dante Bichette Jr., to the 2005 Little League World Series.
• Despite being name Stanley, prefers Black and Decker tools and was upset when the two companies merged in 2010.
#15 - 1B John Kruk, Atlanta
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Quality: BEST!
Going a bit out on a limb here…..wait! What’s that sound? I hear the Swoop Train coming! This guy could really be something. Ratings are already very solid, and yet he has more top-end range. The only
question for Chaney is where does he put Kruk? He’s already got that Pagliarulo guy at 1B and some guy with a goatee named MacHire or something, and he has a crushing outfield……someone is not coming out alive after this battle.
Did You Know?
• This is all you need. #16 - SP Greg Mathews, Detroit
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Quality: GOOD!
Sort of decent ratings and almost fully developed. Reminds many UL observers of Mike Scott, and we all know what happened to him. On second thought, this pick is horrible. I now put it on par with LA’s.
This pick just shows how desperate DET is for starting pitching. Who let Holloway draft?
Did You Know?
• Middle name is “Inman”
• Is actually The Real Slim Shady
Philly Group Sues UL
City of Brotherly Love Claims Bias in Failed Expansion Bids
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the City of Brotherly Love is getting serious,
and seriously angry.
Philadelphia was the fourth largest city in
America in 1951, when it was passed over for
the likes of lowly Louisville and Washington for
the eight original United League clubs.
It was the fourth largest city in America in 1955, when the league decided to go bicoastal.
It was the fourth largest city in America in 1962, when the (New York-based) powers that be determined that New York deserved two teams and Philadelphia zero.
It was the fourth largest city in America in 1974, when franchise were planted in far-flung outposts in the Mountain Time Zone and in a city that doesn't even speak American.
And it was the fourth largest city in America in 1984, when the latest expansion of the national pastime left U.S. soil completely, swapping peanuts and Cracker Jack for poutine and ropa vieja.
Well, enough is enough. So says a group of civic boosters in the birthplace of American democracy who have determined that 35 years without major league baseball is not only a travesty for this fair city, but a stain on the sport itself.
A city that boasted two franchises for half a century until the AL and NL collapsed in the fall of 1950—leaving the city of Connie Mack, Jimmie Foxx, Pete Alexander, and Chuck Klein nothing but the washed up castoffs of a team from Boston, of all places—Philadelphia is now taking matters into its own hands.
\"To be rejected once or twice I can understand, but what the hell do Seattle, Montreal, and Denver know about the national pastime? It makes me sick! We've tried to play nice, but nice isn't getting it done,\" Will Smith exclaimed, with Bill Cosby at his side. \"We will take this all the way to the Supreme Court if we have to, and I don't mean Diana Ross!,\" Patti LaBelle quipped, with Sherman Hemsley at her side.
The Godmother of Soul is referring to a lawsuit against the United League of American Baseball Clubs filed by a group Philadelphia luminaries known as the Philly Phanatics—supported by City Hall, the Chamber of Commerce, the Knights of Columbus, and the Odd Fellows.
The Phanatics maintain that league officials \"knowingly, deliberately, and with malice aforethought, manipulated the league expansion process multiple times\" to disfavor Philadelphia's candidacy.
\"Philly is home to 4.2 million people, every one of which is a die-hard baseball fan. To not give these hard working Americans the game they love, is... well... I can't go for that,\" Darryl Hall said. \"No can do,\" John Oates, at his side, added.
The suit stems from recently uncovered documents from the league office and the blockbuster release of an audio recording at a New Year's Rockin' Eve party in the early '70s, in which the League Commissioner, speaking to Dick Clark, allegedly said \"That hell hole doesn't deserve a team and will never get a team.\" The Commish, who asked to remain unnamed on the advice of his attorney, said the quote was taken out of context and that he was referring to neighboring Camden, New Jersey—which, to be fair, is unequivocally a hell hole.
Nonetheless, the Phanatics believe they have enough evidence to take the league to court in the hopes of pressuring the league into putting a new team in Philadelphia or, failing that, enticing a struggling franchise into the warm embrace of the City of Brotherly Love.
The Phanatics have canvassed neighborhoods, filed petitions, and sent delegations to scout struggling UL franchises, especially San Francisco and Boston. \"It would be sweet revenge, indeed, if we were to steal a team from Boston, those bastards!\" Bob Saget said, with Kevin Bacon at his side.
The co-chairmen of the group, Noam Chomsky and John Bogle, are pressing the case that despite what happened in the past, Philadelphia baseball should be a reality in the future.
Special adviser Isaac Asimov, science fiction writer and futurist, put it succinctly: \"I know three things as surely as I know my own mutton chops: there will be Earth colonies on Jupiter's moons, there will be cold fusion, and there will be UL baseball in Philadelphia.\"