Ang pinanggagalingan ko ay, ako na full-time, minsan sa buhay ko I had so much energy din para sa mga kasama. Pero ngayon, napapansin ko ang manhid ko na. Minsan sa buhay ko, napapalibutan ako ng mga kasamang tulad mo na andyan para makinig at magpayo sa mga kasama, “magpadasig” ika pa sa Bisaya. Ngayon, hinahanap-hanap ko sila, mga katulad mo.

K

Your words give me strength, they’re magical. As an activist, you’re someone I’d want around. Around me are despondent and tired people, and I want to share the same gift you give us. How can I learn to be more understanding, to be consoling, like you?

B

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Dear K and B,

Happy new year to you and thank you so much for your messages. They warmed my heart, and I should say I am very happy to be able to offer that gift. But more importantly, I am mighty proud that you both wish to learn to be there for others.

The “secret,” to be honest, is nothing but five bananas for breakfast. Like I tell counselees, they’re packed with mood enhancers (and potassium, so you avoid cramps).

On a more serious note (I was serious about the bananas), I think it begins with acceptance. That because this will be a long and hard-fought war, we’re going to need to look after each other. All of us will be despondent and tired at some point, and someone should be ready to offer comfort. To tell us it’s alright to feel exhausted, to remind us of our strength when we forget.

I believe this goes for any other task. When one starts with acceptance and considers something to be their duty, their lot becomes so much easier to bear. That is most certainly the case for me. From this attitude, we build the discipline to grow into the revolutionary we would like to be. We learn to manage our time and energy, and take on tasks and commitments with greater intention.

If you wish to play caring roles, for example, you learn that you need to take care of your body. You watch what you eat, and always aim to get enough sleep. You try to avoid meat and sugar and nicotine and caffeine, which mess up your energy levels, and create health problems in the short- and long-term. I assume you also already know the harms of alcohol, and I’ll stop here lest I suggest that therapists live a sad life. The point, like I always tell my friend/little sister A when she’s not being careful about crossing the street, is that when you belong to a movement, your life is no longer just your own. You owe it to every comrade to treat it with care.

This care towards yourself feeds into the care for others and vice versa. When you have sound body and mind, so will your counsel be. At the same time, a sustained and conscious effort to look outward is also a kindness we extend to ourselves.

This care towards yourself feeds into the care for others and vice versa. When you have sound body and mind, so will your counsel be. At the same time, a sustained and conscious effort to look outward is also a kindness we extend to ourselves. Getting over yourself, you’ll find, frees you from a lot of cares and worries. You will no longer dwell on what other people think, or whether you’re keeping up with your peers. Instead, you wonder how you can give more of yourself, hone your skills, and build your life, all ‘round the great Cause.

I think every activist, at their core, understands the value of being able to step outside of themselves. But specifically for comrades who wish to offer care, a focus on the greater good is a most helpful anchor.

Concretely, a practice of counseling founded on the greater good inspires eternal hope that things can and will get better. I think others call it revolutionary optimism. We believe in a future where everyone is free because we’re willing, like our forebears were, to pay for it with our blood, sweat, and tears. Everything is possible, because we *will* make it possible.

With our eyes trained on this prize of liberation for all, we learn to look at every comrade as ultimately being on the same team. We acknowledge their humanity, against an ethos that looks at people as nothing more than a statistic. We are deeply interested in their stories, their first and lost loves, adventures and misadventures, and through it all, the lessons. We root for them as they go through their personal struggles, which are, in truth, also our own.

Counseling, from this perspective, trusts in people’s will and power to change their situation. It is keen not on imposing views, but on helping people determine the best approach. As my mentor says, we do not care about proving our theory, that’s not the goal. The goal is to help. And so I’ve been advised to tell counselees that I will not always know the answer to their problems, but I can promise to be there and we can find out together. I’d like to think that’s both comforting and empowering.

When comrades come to us, our role, I have learned, is not so much to give advice, but to listen. They’ve already analyzed all sides of their predicament, being the proper activists that they are.

When comrades come to us, our role, I have learned, is not so much to give advice, but to listen. They’ve already analyzed all sides of their predicament, being the proper activists that they are. If they haven’t yet, what they need is a space to do it out loud, without judgment (more relevant pointers here*). Indeed I’ve lost count of sessions where I spent most of the hour giving a counselee not much else other than my full attention. Afterwards they would share that they feel a lot lighter, and that’s what matters.

“That’s what matters.” I say that a lot, in sessions. In the thick of our anxieties we do tend to lose sight of it, and we just need another voice to remind us of what we already know. This, I would say, is an underrated joy of this vocation: seeing the glimmer in a counselee’s eyes when they realize they had the wisdom all along.

I wish you plenty of these moments, K and B! And may it be a deeply rewarding journey, as it has been for me.

, Meg

*We never begin our questions with, “Just out of curiosity…”