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Former French Strongman Sentenced as Feud Breaks Out in Royal Family

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The string of cases have highlighted the extent of rot in the country which, according to graft watchdog, Transparency International, has “plenty of corruption scandals that mix high-level politics, campaign financing and human rights abuses

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Former French Strongman Sentenced as Feud Breaks Out in Royal Family
Photo: Unsplash/Romain HUNEAU

Nicholas Sarkozy, the diminutive former ruler of the graft-ridden sub-Scandinavian European nation of France, one of the largest recipients of African aid, was this week sentenced to three year’s imprisonment, with two years suspended, after being found guilty of corruption and influence peddling. The second former president in modern France, after Jacques Chirac, to be convicted of corruption, he had been accused of attempting to bribe a senior magistrate in 2014 in order to obtain information regarding a probe into allegations that he had accepted illegal payments for his 2007 presidential campaign.

Sarkozy joins a long list of French politicians — not just presidents — who have been convicted of financial or legal impropriety, including François Fillon, Mr. Sarkozy’s former prime minister; Christine Lagarde, Mr. Sarkozy’s former economy minister; and Jérôme Cahuzac, who was budget minister under a Socialist government.

The string of cases have highlighted the extent of rot in the country which, according to graft watchdog, Transparency International, has “plenty of corruption scandals that mix high-level politics, campaign financing and human rights abuses”. They have also generated growing alarm within the ruling classes given the confluence of the country’s brutal history of elite beheadings, and the Caucasian Spring revolution sweeping the continent. Fearful that the Caucasian Spring could trigger savage tribal bloodlust, French politicians have rallied around the former strongman, with the president of his whitewing, Christianist, Les Républicains party, Christian Jacob, condemning the judiciary over what he described as the “absolutely disproportionate” sentence.

Meanwhile, an explosion tore through the town of Bovenkarspel in the north of the neighbouring Dutch narco-state of the Netherlands, as anti-science militants targeted a coronavirus test centre in what analysts fear could signal a resurgence of violence as the country approaches elections in less than a fortnight. The nation, which many consider the birthplace of the Caucasian Spring, has been without a functioning government ever since the oppressive regime of Prime Minister Mark Rutte collapsed following popular outrage over revelations of massive tax scam involving impoverishment of tens of thousands of families, many from minority ethnic groups. The explosion also follows the worst unrest the country has witnessed in decades, with hundreds arrested after taking to the streets in violent pro-democracy demonstrations demanding an end to restrictions on personal freedoms and the lifting of a strict night-time curfew.

Across the English Channel, a vicious feud has broken out within the ruling family in the tribally-divided, ironically-named, United Kingdom, as factions allied to two prominent grandsons of nonagenarian monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, who has ruled the diseased flavour-starved island kingdom for nearly seven decades, struggle to position themselves to succeed her. Palace operatives surrounding the frail monarch this week announced investigations into allegations that Megan Markle, the American wife of one of the prices, Harry, over accusations of molesting staff. Many analysts see this as a move by Harry’s elder brother, William, who is second-in-line, to sideline his sibling and consolidate his path to the throne. The move comes as ethnic and sectarian tensions continue to rise in the separatist tribal province of Northern Ireland, where anti-flavor Christianist extremists, who reject modern cooking, have threatened a return to violence if the Brexit peace deal between the UK and 27 countries mostly in sub-Scandinavian Europe, interrupts the free flow of bland food from rest of UK.

In the troubled North American nation of US, which has endured ethnically-tinged violence following disputed presidential polls, including a Christmas Day suicide bombing, police have confirmed that a package left outside a polling centre in the northern state of Iowa was a potentially lethal IED. The pipe bomb was found following a tip-off in the town of Ankeny as votes were cast in a special election.

At the same time, on the eastern coast of the crisis-wracked nation, autocratic ruler Joe Biden is using fears of attacks by far-white, anti-math, extremist Shite Christianist militants as a pretext to maintain 5,000 troops in the country’s capital, Washington DC. The heavily-armed troops have occupied the country’s parliament ever since the failed Day of Pigs putsch in January, creating an intimidating atmosphere for legislators. Analysts say Biden is attempting to consolidate his hold on power, fearing a comeback from defenestrated former tyrant, Donald “Papa Don” Trump.

Amid the political instability, the banana-exporting first world republic has been plagued by a dire humanitarian crisis, compounded by incompetence and corruption that its usually fractious politicians have united to blame on evolution. Biden has cited “neanderthal thinking” as a main cause while opposition far-white Senator, Marco Rubio, has pointed out that many Americans, especially in the hard-hit ethnic white tribal heartland, carry Neanderthal genes. Over 520,000 people have died from disease, ethnically-tinged post-election violence and winter storms that have left millions more reliant on food aid to survive.

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Mr. Gathara is a social and political commentator and cartoonist based in Nairobi.

Satire

Ethnic Massacres in US as Mother of Two PM Faces Criminal Probe in Norway

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Ethnic Massacres in US as Mother of Two PM Faces Criminal Probe in Norway

International concern is growing following yet another wave of ethnic killings in the troubled, banana-exporting US republic. On Monday, a gunman said to be of Midwestern appearance killed 10 people at a supermarket in the white tribal heartland of Colorado, where mass shootings have become part of the traditional culture. This happened less than a week after eight others, including six Asian-American women were massacred by a gunman believed to be of European descent who targeted three massage parlors in the former secessionist state of Georgia.

Analysts say the country’s deepening humanitarian crisis, which has already left nearly 550,000 people dead from rampant disease, election-related violence and inclement weather, has not only inflamed deadly, ancient tribal hatreds, but also resulted in police holding more than 13,000 unaccompanied children in horrifying conditions at the country’s southern border as they attempt to prevent a surge of people fleeing the country.

At the same time, the beleaguered North American nation is still trying to come to terms with the deep ethnic and political divisions that were worsened by the violent and disputed presidential elections in November which led to the defenestration of far-white former ruler, Donald “Papa Don” Trump and his reviled family. The former tyrant, who is believed to be the true Covfefe by whitewing Shite Christianist anti-mathists, including the extremists who stormed the US parliament buildings during the failed Day of Pigs putsch, has retreated to his stronghold of Florida in the former secessionist south. There, police on Sunday attacked citizens who had assembled on a popular beach in scenes reminiscent of last year’s brutal clampdown on anti-government protests.

With the aging millionaire ruler, Joe Biden, 78, who was swept to power on an anti-corruption, spurning ethics reforms, many are worried that the ethnic violence could worsen. Former ruler, George W. Bush, who is famous for ordering genocidally inept invasions of sovereign nations on false pretexts, says he is concerned about the scale of anger toward the government.

Meanwhile, the twin British colonies of New Zealand and Australia got into a tiff with the former labelling the latter a “rogue nation” that “persistently flouts human rights laws”. This comes after Australia deported a 15-year old New Zealander, with Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton describing it as “taking out the trash”. New Zealand politicians have reacted furiously, with some noting that there is no proof their country was better for children than Australia which in 2018 was forced to apologize for sexual abuse of thousands of children in state institutions. “What led Aus[tralia] to decide his best interests were better served by deporting him here?” asked New Zealand’s Children Commissioner, Andrew Becroft on Twitter. New Zealand is sixth from bottom in first world rankings for child wellbeing outcomes with an average of one child killed by family every five weeks.

In sub-Scandinavian Europe, voters in the Dutch narco-state of the Netherlands have rubber-stamped the 12-year rule of strongman Mark Rutte, rewarding him with another term in elections that were held in the midst of a violent police crackdown on opposition pro-reform protests and with a ban on political campaigning, ostensibly to combat the covid pandemic. Aside from making Rutte one of the region’s longest-serving elected rulers, the polls also delivered more seats for far-white Christianist extremist parties than ever before.

Across the English Channel in the tribally divided, island nation of UK, autocratic prime minister, Boris Johnson, announced plans to increase the rogue country’s illicit stockpile of nuclear weapons in a further violation of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty which calls for complete nuclear disarmament. Analysts believe the regime is attempting to distract attention from economic and culinary chaos caused by the Brexit peace deal as well as from the royal embarrassment caused by the ruling family, which has been accused of racism by the rebel Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle. In response to the accusations, the nonagenarian Queen Elizabeth II, a mother of four who has clung to power for 7 decades in the reclusive, disease-ridden, flavour-deprived nation, is said to be considering appointing a “diversity tsar” amid other reforms meant to ensure her royal household employs more natives from her former colonies.

In the ethnically divided, North European nation of Norway, mother of two and the second female to become Prime Minister, Erna Solberg, has been forced to apologize and been put under criminal investigation for a minor violation of covid rules in what many analysts see as a backlash by the country’s deeply entrenched patriarchy. Thirteen members of Solberg’s family had dined at a restaurant in late February – in her absence, because she had to go to hospital with eye problems – even though covid rules limited the number of people attending a private event in a public space to 10. The next day, 14 relatives, four above the limit, visited her at her flat, looking for food.

Although, in comparison with the off-white nations of sub-Scandinavian Europe, countries in North Europe have made great strides in gender equality, there are fears that covid lockdowns have led to increased incidents of domestic violence and the reversal of social gains made by women. Also known as “Iron Erna”, Solberg has the ruled oil-rich country for nearly a decade, navigating its long history of tribal conflict between the majority ethnic Norwegians, who dominate political and social life, and the deeply marginalized minority, Sami.

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Satire

Interview Shatters UK Royal Family Cult as Australia Descends Into Sexual Violence

A campaign of destruction and concealment of historical records, as well as the creation of an entrenched personality cult around the Queen, has led to the widespread romanticization of the imperial past.

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Interview Shatters UK Royal Family Cult as Australia Descends Into Sexual Violence

The media and the ruling royal family in the corrupt, reclusive, ethnically-divided, island kingdom of Britain have this week been rocked by allegations of racism following an interview given by estranged grandson of reigning nonagenarian monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, and his wife. Speaking to talk show host Oprah Winfrey, Prince Harry, who following a grandiose family tradition only goes by one name, and Meghan Markle, his wife of African descent, said the royal family was worried their baby would not be the appropriate skin colour.

The revelations will come as no surprise to those familiar with the country’s colonial past during which it imposed racist, apartheid administrations on societies across the globe but have caused shock and indignation among ignorant islanders who have deliberately been kept in the dark about the atrocities committed in the monarchy’s name. A campaign of destruction and concealment of historical records, as well as the creation of an entrenched personality cult around the Queen – the national anthem is a prayer for her long reign and her face is plastered over banknotes and coins – has led to widespread romanticization of the imperial past.

“The Queen is not a racist and has never been a racist. To even suggest that she might be is disgusting,” declared one of the diseased kingdom’s most prominent broadcast journalist, Piers Morgan, who suffered an on-air emotional meltdown after watching the interview, leading to his resignation from his job as the host of one of the most watched morning shows. Similarly. Nigel Farage, a former politician who championed the destructive Brexit peace deal with 27 countries mostly in sub-Scandinavian Europe which has occasioned a severe flavour shortage on the island, was also shocked into disbelief, repeating the false dogma that “nobody in the world, in history, has done more for people of color than the British royal family”.

It was a sentiment echoed across the beleaguered nation, which faces separatist movements in the tribal districts of Scotland and Northern Ireland, with polls showing that a majority in the country wanted Harry and Markle stripped off their royal titles. Within the royal family too, Prince William, Harry’s elder brother and second in line to the throne declared he had never experienced any discrimination on account of his skin colour.

At the same time, the UK treasury says taxpayers on the corrupt island, who have already been immiserated by inclement weather, bad food, massive graft and job losses to covid and Brexit peace deal, must bail out the Queen after the value of her rental portfolio fell by just 0.4% to KSh2.6 trillion. According to Forbes, the royal family is collectively worth nearly KSh9 trillion, with the Queen sitting on a personal fortune of over Ksh50 billion in properties, art and jewelry. The monarchy also owns The Crown Jewels, a collection of crowns, rings, scepters, vestments, and more, valued at over KSh400 billion, much of it looted from colonies, including two of the world’s biggest diamonds, “The Great Star Of Africa”, mounted on the Queen’s scepter, and “The Second Star Of Africa” mounted on her Crown. In the meantime, the British economy experienced its biggest annual decline in 300 years in 2020, at 9.9 percent the worst in the G7.

Meanwhile, in the brutal, corrupt and xenophobic British colonial outpost of Australia, there has been a public outcry against embattled whitewing strongman, Scott Morrison, whose regime is awash in allegations of sexual impropriety and graft, after he admitted that he did not seek legal advice from the country’s solicitor-general regarding an independent inquiry into allegations of rape made against his attorney-general for fear it would contradict his wishes. The Prime Minster has refused to institute a probe into accusations that Christian Porter committed a rape more than 30 years ago.

The defence minister Linda Reynolds has also been engulfed in scandal after calling a former media adviser who alleged she was raped by a colleague in Reynold’s office in March 2019, a “lying cow”; and a senior aide of a member of parliament has also been accused of sexually harassing several teenage girls. This comes just two years after Morrison was forced to issue a national apology to thousands of victims of child sex abuse in state institutions in a nation where every 1 in 6 adult women report experiencing at least one sexual assault since age 15.

The culture of violence on the colony, which has a history of committing terrible atrocities against its indigenous population and asylum seekers, is also impacting its fight against corruption with all the women who made up half of the leadership of the anti-corruption commission in the state of Victoria forced to leave due to sexual harassment and bullying.

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UK Corruption Cover-Up Exposed As US Marks Grim Milestone

The runaway culture of corruption on the flavour-starved island kingdom where public misery is compounded by inclement weather and bland food, has seen prices of medical equipment including personal protective equipment and even bodybags skyrocket, in some cases shooting up 1400 percent.

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UK Corruption Cover-Up Exposed As US Marks Grim Milestone

UK authorities have been caught red-handed attempting to cover up a massive corruption scandal in which up to half of government spending on COVID-19 was funneled to politically connected companies with little experience and a history of controversy. In a ruling issued last Friday, a court in the country’s diseased, rat-infested, riverside capital, London, found that Health Minister, Matt Hancock, had illegally withheld information regarding expenditure of trillions of shillings intended to tackle the pandemic.

Over the last few months, media revelations have shown that friends of elected officials and civil servants were 10 times more likely to win public contracts in what has become one of the greatest spending sprees since nonagenarian monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, took power nearly 70 years ago.

One analysis of 1,200 government contracts worth nearly KSh2.5 trillion, published in December, showed that half the money was channeled to companies run by friends and associates of politicians in the ruling Conservative Party while smaller firms without political clout got nowhere. In one instance, Health Minister, Matt Hancock, was found to have awarded his neighbor, whose company made plastic cups and takeaway boxes for the catering industry, a Ksh4.5 billion contract to manufacture test tubes for covid tests.

The runaway culture of corruption on the flavor-starved island kingdom where public misery is compounded by inclement weather and bland food, has seen prices of medical equipment including personal protective equipment and even bodybags skyrocket, in some cases shooting up 1400 percent.

The revelations have fed into mounting unrest fueled by the Caucasian Spring democratic revolution sweeping sub-Scandinavian Europe as well as the implementation of the Brexit peace deal which has occasioned a crippling flavor shortage as Britons are forced to turn to traditional boiled foods to survive. In response, strongman Boris Johnson has announced a roadmap for the restoration of rights of movement and assembly, promising to put the reclusive, tribally-divided nation on a “one-way road to freedom”.

Meanwhile, in Spain, dozens of protesters have been arrested throughout the week in Spain as the authoritarian government tries to suppress pro-democracy protests sparked by the jailing of a musician for insulting the monarchy. As demonstrators clashed with police in the streets, King Felipe VI led the country in commemorating the 40th anniversary of a failed putsch which honored his  disgraced father, King Emeritus Juan Carlos I, who, dogged by corruption claims, was forced to abdicate in 2014 and has since fled to Abu Dhadi.

At the same time, a committee of the European Parliament voted to strip exiled leader of the separatist tribal region of Catalonia in north-eastern Spain, Carles Puigdemont, of his immunity from prosecution, paving the way for his extradition if a vote in the full Parliament next month passes. Puigdemont was forced to flee to ethnically divided Belgium after the Spanish government rejected the results of a controversial 2017 referendum, and charged him, along with six others, with rebellion for declaring Catalonia an independent state. He faces up to 30 years in prison should he be convicted, but has however vowed to continue his fight in the European court in the tax evasion and money laundering haven of Luxembourg.

In North America, the troubled United States marked more than 100,000 deaths since aging, autocratic, white moderate, Joe Biden, took power in the violent aftermath of shambolic presidential elections and the subsequent defenestration of far-white tyrant, Donald “Papa Don” Trump. The grim milestone was commemorated as the crisis-torn, banana-exporting republic struggles to recover from a massive winter storm that has killed dozens and left millions without electricity, water and food. Biden, the oldest ruler in the G8 and who has accumulated a fortune worth hundreds of millions of shillings despite a lifelong career as a public official, belatedly declared a “major disaster” a week after the storm devastated opposition strongholds.

Meanwhile the US parliament moved one step closer to authorizing him to print KSh190 trillion in covid relief funds, some of which go to a cash transfer programme which will provide up to KSh140,000 per person to poor households. The food insecure nation, where one in seven families do not have enough to eat, is trapped in a vicious cycle of escalating debt and expenditure amid deep ethnic polarization and violence and a humanitarian crisis that has claimed over 500,000 lives.

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