Family
Includes tags: Family, Parents, Children
11. “What is the best way to navigate the people that we love that have unskillful behaviors but we don’t want to cut out of our lives?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] // [Compassion] [Patience] [Truth] [Aversion] [Admonishment/feedback]
5. Story: Ajahn Chah’s first years as a monk, his solemn resolve, and his first attempts at meditation. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Monastic life] [Meditation] [Determination] [Ajahn Chah] // [Forest versus city monks] [Ordination] [Study monks] [Family] [Culture/Thailand] [Death]
12. “At these celebrations [at Wat Pah Pong], are there a lot of little kids and family members? How can I encourage my seven and eight year old daughters to practice?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Festival days] [Wat Pah Pong] [Children] [Meditation] // [Monasteries] [Culture/Thailand] [Abhayagiri] [Novices] [Culture/Natural environment]
5. Story: Ajahn Pasanno’s mother notices that he chants in tune. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Chanting] // [Almsfood] [Mindfulness]
8. “Can we approach chanting as praying for someone in a difficult situation?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Prayer] [Christianity] [Family] [Healing] [Chanting] // [Skillful qualities] [Compassion] [Right Intention] [Merit] [Abhayagiri] [Nature of the cosmos]
6. Comment: I’m concerned about how much time people spend on computers, and I think it’s sad that people use electronic devices rather than talk with each other. [Technology] [Community]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno.
Follow-up: “Should I say anything to my son who is on his device half the time during his brief, infrequent visits?” [Children] [Right Speech]
Story: Abhayagiri’s computer policy for monks. [Abhayagiri] [Social media] [Sense restraint] [Vinaya]
13. “I live with my 96-year old mother. Her mind is quite good, but her body is ageing and there is pain in both legs. She has a stubborn will to carry on. We have our fights, but get through them quickly. I’m wanting to go to another level to develop patience. Can you comment?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ageing] [Parents] [Pain] [Patience] // [Empathetic joy] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Relinquishment] [Gratitude] [Idealism]
Quote: “Even monks have mothers.” [Parents]
1. Quote: “The kindest thing you can do for your parents is to not create them.” — Ajahn Sumedho. Quoted by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Sumedho] [Parents] [Goodwill] [Cessation] [Not-self] // [Amaravati] [Sīladharā] [Proliferation]
4. “How to overcome rejection by your spouse and move on and not hang on to the hope that he will come back some day?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Relationships] [Family] // [Self-reliance] [Goodwill]
13. “How to balance the practice of removing attachments but maintain responsibilities of caregiving to children or ageing parents?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Clinging] [Relinquishment] [Family] [Parents] [Ageing] // [Gratitude]
6. “Ritual has been eliminated by many insight centers in the West. As a monastic, what do you see as the purpose and importance of ritual?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ceremony/ritual ] [Secular Buddhism] [Monastic life] // [Community] [Skillful qualities] [Spiritual friendship] [Online community] [Relationships] [Children] [Culture/Thailand]
Recollection: Cremations at Wat Pah Nanachat. [Wat Pah Nanachat] [Funerals] [Grief]
5. “What is the attitude to have towards others who are not on the path but are close family members?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Family] // [Judgementalism] [Respect]
1. “How do you or other monks deal with grief associated with the passing away of loved ones, especially parents or caretakers who have been kind to you? Do you also experience ‘crying out in isolation’ to heal that grief?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Grief] [Death] [Parents] // [Impermanence] [Merit] [Gratitude] [Recollection/Death]
8. “What duty do we have to parents who often act foolishly and use harmful and abusive language?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Parents] [Abuse/violence] // [Right Speech]
Story: Ajahn Ñāṇiko’s grandfather vows to treat his children with kindness. [Family] [Goodwill]
13. “I have loaned something to my brother, and he just won’t give it back to me no matter how many times I ask him. How would you approach this situation?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Virtue] // [Right Speech] [Clear comprehension]
1. “The reflection on kamma (Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 55) uses language related to family: ‘born,’ ‘heir,’ ‘related’, ‘supported.’ What are the implications of this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Kamma] [Family] [Language] // [Community] [Perception]
2. “I have a family and family responsibilities. How do I know I’m on the path and making right effort?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Family] [Right Effort] [Doubt] // [Four Noble Truths] [Culture/West] [Mindfulness of feeling] [Direct experience]
4. “You spoke about the teachings and the training. What is the training for a lay practitioner other than the Five Precepts?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Amaro. [Dhamma] [Vinaya] [Lay life] [Five Precepts] // [Meditation] [Communal harmony] [Right Livelihood] [Family] [Work] [Politics and society] [Spiritual friendship]
3. “I am not able to ordain but would like to dedicate my life to the Dhamma. I have lived by Five Precepts for decades, but wonder if you can talk about taking Eight Precepts as a lay person and how possible/difficult that would be. Should one go to a monastery to take the Eight Precepts?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Dhamma] [Purpose/meaning] [Eight Precepts ] [Lay life] // [Family]
Story of a Thai couple dedicated to the Dhamma. [Health care] [Dhamma books] [Merit] [Building projects] [Temporary ordination]
Reflection: People who have insight into the Dhamma are humble and generous. [Humility ] [Generosity] [Stream entry] [Conceit]
4. “A couple months ago, I entered gender transition to learn, accept, and love myself as I am. Who and what I am are questions I struggle with. Also, I was badly abused as a child by a parent. I resemble that person. When I see myself in the mirror or on camera [unintelligible]. In terms of Dhamma, what are some things I can practice that could help me make peace with this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Gender] [Abuse/violence ] [Family] [Guilt/shame/inadequacy] [Self-identity view] // [Noble Truth of Suffering] [Cessation of Suffering] [Three Refuges] [Generosity] [Kamma] [Compassion] [Virtue]
Sutta: AN 5.57: Five Subjects for Frequent Recollection (Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 55).
Sutta: AN 8.39: Precepts give the gift of safety and trust. [Precepts]
Advice from Bhante Gunaratana: Keep a journal of all the good and kind things one has done. [Bhante Gunaratana] [Recollection/Virtue] [Culture/Sri Lanka] [Culture/West]
5. “How to have a difficult conversation with someone when your mind is coming from a bad place towards that person? My brother has just arrived for a short visit after living abroad for many years, and lifelong resentment arises unexpectedly towards him. I’ve tried metta and awareness of the sensation and think both will be useful in the long term, but for now, the resentment is still there, and I fear that having some legal conversations which need to take place now will end in disaster. Any advice?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Right Speech] [Aversion] [Family] [Goodwill] // [Truth] [Right Intention]
8. “I have found that since following this path, my family and people I care about have felt disappointed much more often by choices I have made, from big things like life goals to small things like not accepting an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. Quite a bit of dukkha arises from disappointing those you love. Reflecting on the cause, it feels like it comes from wanting/craving to make people you care about happy. How can we let go of this craving when it feels like it is a good thing to make others happy?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Family] [Purpose/meaning] [Clinging] [Craving] [Happiness] // [Ajahn Ñāṇiko] [Spiritual friendship] [Zen] [Respect]
1. “In reference to the fragrance of the flower … There are many roses in the courtyard across the street. … Why do we cultivate beauty? Where does beauty arise from?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Beauty] // [Clinging] [Happiness] [Master Hsuan Hua] [Empathetic joy] [Unconditioned]
Sutta: MN 37: Sabbe dhamma nālaṃ abhinivesāya. (Nothing whatsoever should be clung to.)
Story: Ajahn Pasanno’s mother sends his old letters to Abhayagiri. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Abhayagiri]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah was unshakeable in the midst of all the things that were happening around him and responded warmly and compassionately to the people around him. [Ajahn Chah] [Equanimity] [Compassion] [Family] [Monastic life/Motivation]
6. Comment: Since the pandemic, I have been in better communication with my family. [Pandemic] [Family] [Internet] [Communal harmony]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Discernment]
7. “I’m a mother to four kids, one of whom has special needs. I’m lucky if I can meditate 10-15 minutes a day. Are there practices one can do when one is frequently around little ones?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Children ] [Meditation/General advice] // [Posture/Sitting] [Three Refuges] [Precepts] [Recollection/Virtue] [Recollection/Generosity] [Gladdening the mind] [Mindfulness of body] [Clear comprehension]
Commentary: Path of Purification by Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli, p. 104: Forty subjects of meditation.
Sri Lankan Buddhists keep a book of good deeds which is read near the time of death. [Culture/Sri Lanka] [Merit] [Death]
Story: Debbie Stamp served as primary caregiver to her father during the pandemic. [Debbie Stamp] [Parents] [Pandemic]
5. “I have had many losses over the year, and both my parents passed away six years ago. I found that taking refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma, and Saṅgha, keeping the precepts, and having daily meditation practice helps. There is peacefulness and gratitude. I have heard that if one wants to share merits with the deceased, one could. What is the proper way? Could you give some guidance?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Death] [Grief] [Parents] [Merit ] // [Recollection/Virtue] [Goodwill] [Translation] [Three Refuges] [Precepts] [Generosity] [Happiness]
Sutta: Iti 22: “Do not be afraid of puñña.”
Quote: “Puñña is accomplished through the heart itself.” [Heart/mind] [Cultural context]
Quote: “A spark of merit is worth more than a mountain of effort.” — Tibetan saying. [Vajrayāna] [Self-identity view]
21. “My husband died 10 years ago. There was sadness but also relief that his journey was over and sadness and relief for myself. I can still hear his advice regarding my medications. Is this clinging? He lives in my heart. What do you do with memories and teachings yourself?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Death] [Grief] [Memory] [Clinging]
Recollection: I still hear Ajahn Chah’s voice. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Chah] [Dreams] [Ajahn Mahā Boowa]
4. “Would you be willing to share memories of Ajahn Chah?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah] // [Ajahn Pasanno ] [Temporary ordination] [Personality] [Not-self] [Equanimity]
When asked about the core essence of the Buddha’s teachings, Ajahn Chah replies, “Is this a big stick or a little stick?” [Teaching Dhamma] [Conventions] [Cause of Suffering]
Story: Ajahn Chah pretends to forget simple questions in order to embarrass his translator. [Forest versus city monks] [Media] [Aversion] [Questions] [Translation] [Similes]
Recollection: Ajahn Pasanno writes to his family that he’s staying in Thailand because Ajahn Chah is peaceful, solid, clear, and unshakeable in the midst of all that’s going on around him. [Family] [Tranquility] [Clear comprehension]
3. “Have you ever regretted choosing the monastic life? Has your mother ever thought you made a wrong choice?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Doubt] [Parents] // [Gratitude] [Retirement] [Energy] [Mentoring] [Christianity] [Abhayagiri]
Reflections on leadership. [Leadership ] [Ajahn Chah] [Abbot] [Wat Pah Nanachat] [Discernment]
Quote: “You can’t lead just by telling people what to do and they are going to obey. Forget it!” [Leadership ]
Quote: “Everybody else is a mirror for oneself if one is willing to learn in teaching or leading others.” [Leadership ] [Learning]
11. “Whatever you do, if you do it with care and attention, it takes longer. If I rush, the task would not be done so well. How do we give care and attention in a quick manner?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Mindfulness] [Clear comprehension] [Time management] // [Right Mindfulness] [Ardency]
Story: A man moves so slowly paying care and attention that he annoys his family. [Family]
Quote: “A good thief is really mindful.” Ajahn Chah [Ajahn Chah]
5. “When Sāriputta and Moggallāna died, [the Buddha] expressed almost a sense of grief in the context of the absence from the assembly. I wonder how that fits with the idea of Nibbāna.” Answered by Ajahn Amaro. [Great disciples] [Death] [Buddha/Biography] [Grief] [Nibbāna] // [Pain] [Suffering] [Emotion] [Tranquility] [Theravāda]
Sutta: SN 47.14: Ukkacelā Sutta: “This assembly appears to me empty now …”
Sutta: SN 36.6: The Arrow.
Story: Ajahn Sumedho’s experience of his mother’s death. [Ajahn Sumedho] [Parents]
7. “According to the Buddha, is the maximum spiritual potential found in the human realm?” Answered by Ajahn Amaro, Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Karuṇadhammo. [Human ] // [Stages of awakening]
Follow-up: “How do you integrate this with daily life?” [Everyday life] [Monastic life] [Saṅgha] [Buddha/Biography] [Liberation] [Recollection/Saṅgha] [Culture/West]
Comment: I work with human potential in children and their families. … It’s so segregated … in the educational system there is no spiritual element. [Children] [Education ]
Response by Ajahn Amaro and Ajahn Pasanno. [Western psychology] [Learning] [City of Ten Thousand Buddhas]
Reference: Beyond, p. 441 in Happily Ever After by Ajahn Amaro.
3. “Does the Buddha speak about karma in relation to the family we find ourselves in?” Answered by Ajahn Amaro. [Tipiṭaka] [Kamma] [Family] // [Jātaka Tales] [Great disciples] [Rebirth] [Buddha/Biography] [Previous Buddhas] [Ajahn Sumedho]
Sutta: MN 81 Ghaṭīkāra Sutta
Story: An eight-year-old girl remembers being her grandmother’s mother.
5. Story: The parents of a four-year-old wish their child to attain Nibbāna in this life. Told by Ajahn Kaccāna. [Parents] [Nibbāna] [Desire]
Response by Ajahn Amaro. [Happiness]
3. “I have the impression that Ajahn Chah concentrated on direct realization and the practice of meditation. He didn’t recommend reading too much, but instead reading our mind. You mentioned the 37 faculties/tools to purify our mind. For a lay person, this is a long study. Is it enough for us as laypeople to just have the practice of being here now?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah] [Meditation] [Aids to Awakening] [Lay life] [Present moment awareness] // [Paul Breiter] [Four Noble Truths] [Right View] [Faith] [Learning]
Quote: “There needs to be a catalyst. We have to challenge the mind. That’s where the structure of the teachings is important.” [Teaching Dhamma] [Delusion]
Follow-up: “If we practice meditation, does understanding come naturally?” [Discernment]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Karuṇadhammo. [Liberation] [Spiritual friendship] [Appropriate attention] [Tranquility] [Relinquishment]
Story: Ajahn Sumedho spends his first year as a monk in solitary meditation reading only Word of the Buddha by Venerable Ñāṇatiloka. [Ajahn Sumedho] [Monastic life]
Follow-up: “Having kids is a big structure.” [Children]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno.
5. “Could you repeat the five types of stinginess (AN 5.260)?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Amaro. [Greed ] // [Family] [Corruption] [Lodging] [Gain and loss] [Fame and disrepute] [Teaching Dhamma]
Story: Ajahn Mahā Prasert gets sent to Nebraska. [Ajahn Mahā Prasert] [Jealousy]
Suttas: SN 17: Connected Discourses on Gain, Honor, and Fame.
Reading: SN 17.5: The Dung Beetle. [Humor] [Similes]
Reflections on the kammic effects of King Ajātasattu killing his father (DN 2.101). [Kamma] [Killing] [Parents] [Stream entry]
Vinaya: Khandhaka 21.1.3: The First Council occurred at Rājagha, King Ajātasattu’s capital city.
6. “Out of curiosity, would accidentally killing [your parent] be equivalently bad kamma?” Answered by Ajahn Amaro and Ajahn Pasanno. [Killing] [Parents] [Kamma] [Volition]
7. Comment: I find it striking that Aṅgulimāla, who killed so many people, managed to achieve arahantship. [Killing] [Arahant] [Kamma]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Parents]
1. Recollection: Ajahn Pasanno’s brother doesn’t understand the significance of impermanence. Recounted by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Impermanence] // [Wat Pah Nanachat]
8. “How did Luang Por Chah relate to the lay community around him and tailor the Dhamma to their own circumstances?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Lay life] [Teaching Dhamma] [Ajahn Chah] // [Wat Pah Pong] [Lunar observance days] [Building projects] [Cultural context] [Stories]
Story: Ajahn Chah’s talkative older brother helps with their mother’s funeral. [Family] [Funerals]
6. “There are suttas where people talk about honoring their parents. Are there examples of people who had very unskillful parents or childhood PTSD and brought these questions to the Buddha?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Western psychology] [Sutta] [Parents] [Abuse/violence] // [Culture/India] [Saṅgha] [Virtue]
Sutta: Ud 5.3: Suppabuddha the Leper. [Gradual Teaching] [Stream entry]
6. Recollection: Why I stayed with Ajahn Chah. Recounted by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Determination] [Ajahn Chah] // [Family] [Sequence of training] [Equanimity] [Personal presence]
21. “How did your becoming a monk go down with your family, and how did that affect you?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Monastic life] [Family] // [Ajahn Jayasaro]
5. Reflections by Debbie Stamp on gratitude: “I have no regrets.” [Gratitude] [Debbie Stamp] // [Patience] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Amaro] [Abhayagiri] [Parents]
3. Story: Explaining Buddhist practice to my Catholic mother. Told by Sakula. [Christianity ] [Parents] // [Killing] [Virtue]
Quote: “You make a much better Christian as a Buddhist than you ever did as a Catholic.”
5. Recollection: Returning to America to care for my parents. Recounted by Ajahn Sudanto. [Parents] [Abhayagiri] [Ajahn Sudanto]
6. Recollection: After drafting an article called “Coming of Age,” Ajahn Amaro reflects that the self-view invested in the idea of being abbot of the California monastery is completely backward. Recounted by Ajahn Amaro. [Ajahn Amaro ] [Abbot] [Conceit] [Becoming] // [Saṅghapāla] [Pre-Abhayagiri vihāras] [Cause of Suffering] [Disrobing] [Ajahn Sumedho] [Abhayagiri]
Quote: “Being the abbot of a monastery and you’re only 34!” — Ajahn Amaro’s mother. [Parents] [Blame and praise]
Quote: “If our heart is attuned to Dhamma, it’s not about becoming any thing.” [Dhamma] [Beauty]
10. “People encourage my children to follow their passion. How does this relate to dispassion? Do you have any advice for kids growing up?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Children] [Desire] [Dispassion ] // [Benefit/gratification] [Skillful qualities]
Quote: “You can’t really pursue a path of virtue, integrity, meditation, wisdom, and reflection if you’re not passionate about it.” [Eightfold Path]
Recollection: Ajahn Pasanno had no passion for his university career. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Learning]