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Have you read my colleague Willie's blog, inviting you to fall in love with fishes? Well I have - and as a forest campaigner, I'm not swayed by aquatic amore. This Valentine's day, forget coral sex - here are some land-based lotharios looking for your love.
1. All I want
If you're reading this blog on your phone because your date is late for dinner, think of the atlas moth. This moth - the largest in the world - lives in the rainforests of South East Asia, and is so obsessed with finding a partner that it doesn't have time to eat.
In fact, it doesn't even have a mouth - so having found a mate, the two moths can't even kiss. Talk about a let down.
2. Many rivers to cross
Okay, so this animal lives in the water, but that doesn't negate the fact that it's a forest-dwelling mammal.
According to folklore, the pink river dolphins of the Amazon river are encantados, who transform into attractive men at night and sneak ashore to woo local ladies. As excuses for cheating go, 'the dolphin made me do it' is pretty persuasive.
3. He's so fine
The Andean and Guianan cock-of-the-rock are native to the cloud forests of South America. Male cocks have bright orange crests, which they use to attract females in elaborate courtship displays.
But when males birds aren't competing for female attention, they're wooing each other - with 40% enjoying same-sex flings.
4. Time after time
Bonobos are our closest primate relative. They're also massively promiscuous. Seriously.
5. Let's stay together
The black vulture of central America nominally mates for life, but male vultures are known to have brief affairs with fellow flock-mates. Having had their end away, they return to their partners and chicks as though nothing has happened.
Lady vultures aren't stupid, and their cheating spouses rarely get away with it. If caught, the guilty bird is beaten by the whole flock before being allowed to return, somewhat cowed.
6. Golddigga
The nursery spider - the only member of this list to live in the UK - has reduced love to a simple transaction. Male spiders try to buy off would-be partners with presents - a small bug, a tasty ant - wrapped in their silk.
But all is not what it seems, because they often wrap up any old junk, like a flower or insect husk. Female spiders are wise to this - spiders with good gifts get more nookie than those without.
7. Kiss from a rose
Like many flowers, orchids are pollinated by insects, lured in by their nectar. But some orchids take things way further and have evolved to look like female insects.
Males fly over for a quickie, and end up covered in pollen - which they duly carry to their next 'mate'.
8. Sexual healing
The banana slug looks like a banana, but it's scientific name, Dolichophallus, means "long penis", because this mollusc is a really well hung hermaphoradite.
9. Let's get it on
The antechinus mouse of Australia only has sex once in its life. Then it dies - but it dies happy, having mated for up to twelve hours. It's thought that this it to ensure the continuation of the species rather than because it gets carried away.
10. Just the two of us
Wolves live in small packs, ruled by a monogamous pair - the alpha male and alpha female. Some animal behaviourologists think the term 'alpha', meaning most dominant, is a less suitable term than 'breeder', because they are the only wolves in the pack allowed to breed.
